MrTurk Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 (edited) Earlier this year I had a short lived FWB that almost turned into a relationship. She was recently divorced, was on partial disability from a back injury, and smoked weed. She made it sound as if she only smoked it once in awhile. I dont do any drugs, never have. But the more we hung out...the more she opened up about using it. She never brought it to my place...but just became more open about it. I am not a fan of someone that uses drugs....but was trying to keep an open mind at the time. Almost 2 months in...it was apparent we really liked each other. We began doing more and more things together...and it was very close to becoming a relationship. Thats when the discussions started about her drug use. She pretty much stated that she liked me....but if I wasnt willing to accept her usage 100%....then we wouldnt be able to keep seeing each other. She knew I was too much of a straight shooter for her. I think she was holding back her usage just for the sake of being around me. I wouldnt have been surprised if I had been more accepting.....she probably would have smoked it at my place a lot. Sad thing is....she moved back in with her ex a few months later....since he is willing to put up with whatever she does....as long as she belongs to him. The chemistry between us was just amazing....conversations were great, sense of humor....everything just gelled so good. Just a shame she lets a drug prioritize her decisions. Edited August 6, 2013 by MrTurk
slovek Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 She must've been pretty on the outside, thats all I can say. 1
Radu Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Earlier this year I had a short lived FWB that almost turned into a relationship. She was recently divorced, was on partial disability from a back injury, and smoked weed. She made it sound as if she only smoked it once in awhile. I dont do any drugs, never have. But the more we hung out...the more she opened up about using it. She never brought it to my place...but just became more open about it. I am not a fan of someone that uses drugs....but was trying to keep an open mind at the time. Almost 2 months in...it was apparent we really liked each other. We began doing more and more things together...and it was very close to becoming a relationship. Thats when the discussions started about her drug use. She pretty much stated that she liked me....but if I wasnt willing to accept her usage 100%....then we wouldnt be able to keep seeing each other. She knew I was too much of a straight shooter for her. I think she was holding back her usage just for the sake of being around me. I wouldnt have been surprised if I had been more accepting.....she probably would have smoked it at my place a lot. Sad thing is....she moved back in with her ex a few months later....since he is willing to put up with whatever she does....as long as she belongs to him. The chemistry between us was just amazing....conversations were great, sense of humor....everything just gelled so good. Just a shame she lets a drug prioritize her decisions. That's called trickle-truth-ing.
Keenly Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 So, let me get this right, after two months, you wanted her to change something about herself that you didn't like, and think its because she is a "drug addict"? Is that correct? 8
Keenly Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 AND you had great chemistry? Wow. I don't even have advice for you man. I hope you find some one who fits into your box of acceptability.
Author MrTurk Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 What kind of drugs? Just weed as far as I know.
Author MrTurk Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 I don't even have advice for you man. I can live with that response. Especially since I didnt ask for it
Mr Scorpio Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Just weed as far as I know. Only you can decide what constitutes a deal-breaker in regards to potential partners. It is not at all uncommon to see "D&D free" listed as a requirement on dating profiles. I don't think there is anything wrong with you being insistent that your partner refrains from drug use. That being said, I would have done the same thing in her position. Just as some people love cigars, wine, or beer (and form social bonds on account of that enjoyment) so it is with weed. You weren't compatible. On to the next one.
MrCastle Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Although it's unfortunate, it's her right. You were right in asking for a partner that is drug free, and she was in the right to decline. I know you think it sucks, believe I have the same no drug policy, partly why I have not settled down. Too many girls my age smoke weed or do heavier stuff. But I won't bend and it's their life so it is what it is. 1
Author MrTurk Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 She must've been pretty on the outside, thats all I can say. People always told her she looked a lot like Maya, from the TV show "Just Shoot Me".
Author MrTurk Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 Although it's unfortunate, it's her right. You were right in asking for a partner that is drug free, and she was in the right to decline. I know you think it sucks, believe I have the same no drug policy, partly why I have not settled down. Too many girls my age smoke weed or do heavier stuff. But I won't bend and it's their life so it is what it is. Yea...I just am not one for drugs. I really dont want to take a chance with that...not knowing what it could have led to down the road. I didnt fight her on it...no argument. It was mutual for both of us...and I think she knew that it wouldnt work before I did. I think she simply savored the time we had...knowing at some point it would come to an end.
MrRightNow Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Just a shame she lets a drug prioritize her decisions. I think the real shame is that you blew your chance at a potentially great relationship due to your uptight attitude. You knew she smoked weed before you started seeing her so it was ridiculous to expect her to give it up, especially so soon. No wonder you're on LS posting threads about how other men get more attention than you. Marijuana is MUCH safer than alcohol and a lot less harmful to your health. It's not even addictive, she could have easily given it up once she was ready to do so. SMH 2
Author MrTurk Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 I think the real shame is that you blew your chance at a potentially great relationship due to your uptight attitude. You knew she smoked weed before you started seeing her so it was ridiculous to expect her to give it up, especially so soon. No wonder you're on LS posting threads about how other men get more attention than you. Marijuana is MUCH safer than alcohol and a lot less harmful to your health. It's not even addictive, she could have easily given it up once she was ready to do so. SMH Yes...that is one way to look at it. But I have no regrets standing by my opinion. 2
ForeverAlone28 Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 They actually could be very compatible. I don't consider a bad habit part of who a person is, or their personality. She shouldn't be doing drugs.
man_in_the_box Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 They actually could be very compatible. I don't consider a bad habit part of who a person is, or their personality. She shouldn't be doing drugs. Its none of your business.
ForeverAlone28 Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 To me, that just sounds like the story of two people who turned out to be incompatible. replying to this person... they actually could be very compatible. I don't take a bad habit as part of a who a person is, or part of their personality. Nobody should be doing drugs.
veggirl Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Good for you for sticking to your dealbreakers, OP. Too many people bend on theirs and end up resentful/unhappy. If something truly is a dealbreaker, whether it is smoking weed, smoking cigs, having or not having pets, liking the color blue...WHATEVER....if it's a dealbreaker for you then it shows you are a confident person to be able to stand by your decision & walk away. Of course the stoner/former stoners of LS will be up in arms that you don't want to date someone who smokes a ton of weed...and will ignore the fact that this girl TOTALLY misrepresented how much weed she smokes...but I say good for you for saying goodbye and sticking with what you believe. 1
man_in_the_box Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Good for you for sticking to your dealbreakers, OP. Too many people bend on theirs and end up resentful/unhappy. If something truly is a dealbreaker, whether it is smoking weed, smoking cigs, having or not having pets, liking the color blue...WHATEVER....if it's a dealbreaker for you then it shows you are a confident person to be able to stand by your decision & walk away. Of course the stoner/former stoners of LS will be up in arms that you don't want to date someone who smokes a ton of weed...and will ignore the fact that this girl TOTALLY misrepresented how much weed she smokes...but I say good for you for saying goodbye and sticking with what you believe. No, I don't think many have stated that he should just overlook her drug habit and date her anyway. At least I don't and I'm a total stoner. The problem is that they break up over some incompatibility issue and subsequently the OP presents it in the thread title as if he has been duped by some girl who sacrificed her boyfriend for drugs. That's waaaay more dramatic than the scenario that actually played out between the two and that's what I think is wrong with this situation. Everybody has their own dealbreakers.
aussietigerwolf Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 I've ended with guys before as soon as I found out they were into that stuff.
King_Crimson Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 She didn't 'choose drugs over you', she chose being happy over being with someone who didn't accept her for who she is. 2
KungFuJoe Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Weed is pretty awesome. I think I'd choose that over an uptight person any day. 3
Author MrTurk Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 (edited) No, I don't think many have stated that he should just overlook her drug habit and date her anyway. At least I don't and I'm a total stoner. The problem is that they break up over some incompatibility issue and subsequently the OP presents it in the thread title as if he has been duped by some girl who sacrificed her boyfriend for drugs. That's waaaay more dramatic than the scenario that actually played out between the two and that's what I think is wrong with this situation. Everybody has their own dealbreakers. I wouldnt say duped. But she specifically stated she needs to be with someone that can handle what she does. Once we talked about it....she admitted she smokes it practically everyday, at least twice a day, sometimes three. If she only used it once in awhile....the same as someone socially drinks once in awhile....it would be different. Abuse is the problem. Not the weed, not whether its legal or not. If she was using alcohol that much I'd have the same issue. . Edited August 9, 2013 by MrTurk
iKING Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Weed is now Heroin? How did I miss the memo? Seriously though, relax. Either accept her and her personal choices, or move on. Weed should be the least of anyone's concerns in my opinion.
Robert Z Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 (edited) A person has the right to make their choices as they see fit. But recognize that you chose your position on pot, over her, as much as she chose pot over you. I would bet that from her side, she chose independence over someone who wants to control her behavior. Edited August 9, 2013 by Robert Z
ForeverAlone28 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I took an Abnormal Psych class, taught by a doctor, and the first thing she said was, "Is it normal or abnormal, for a person who smokes pot every day, to have a full time job and a serious relationship?" as a series of questions of what is "abnormal" or "normal". Every lame, young, uneducated fool said "normal". Guess what the established, elder, graduated, mature adult who was in charge of grading papers said? NO. It is not normal. Or possible. From a psychiatric point of view, this is not normal. It may be the norm today, but it is not normal.
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