ButterlfyKisses Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 So I'm in a relationship right now with a really great guy. We dated for about 3 years, broke up for a year and a half, and just recently got back together. Things are kind of uncertain with us right now, but I do love him. Last night was Halloween, I got a little drunk (okay a lot) and had a little too much fun. I was all over my really good guy friend (who I have had a really flirty relationship with for the past year) and ended up sleeping in his bed with him. Now nothing technically happened, but my overall behavior was not saintly, and my boyfriend would certainly not be amused. The real kicker was that he had specifically said "Your not going to sleep in some guys bed tonight are you?" to which I replied "Of course not!" Then I did!!!! Today I was trying to figure out why I behaved the way I did (excluding the alcohol). And I really think that it comes down to the fact that I haven't completely sold my self on our rekindled relationship. I love him, and he makes me happy most of the time, but our lives are just really different now. I go to college and he still lives at home. It isn't really a long distance thing since home isn't too far away, but our views on life have changed since we were together last. So here is my dilemma... I'm all about truth, and I want to tell him, but I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want him to call it quits. I really want to try and be a better girlfriend and work on our relationship, and I can't decide if telling him would help, or hinder that process. Plus I haven't told him anything about my relationship with this guy before, and I really don't want my boyfriend to ask me to stop seeing my friend, because he is one of my best friends, and I don't want to loose him. Right now I'm leaning towards not telling him and just working on fixing our relationship, and of course not putting myself in this situation again. Any thoughts??????
honey2005 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 I think if you really care about him you will tell him what happened and let him decide where he wants to go from there.
Mr Spock Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 I think that if you REALLY care about him you'll tell him you're having doubts about the relationship, and if it's what you really want, regardless of telling him that you crashed in someone's bed, because he's not going to believe you when you say nothing happened.
ThisGirlNameKD Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 If the both of you are in such completely different places now, why are you still trying to hold on to the relationship? If you haven't sold yourself on the relationship, there's alot between the both of you that's not being said that needs to be said. As far as sleeping in another guys bed, I think you should tell him because you originally told him that you wouldn't do it. It would be much better for you to go forward and tell him than for him to find out later on.
ps123 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Now nothing technically happened, but my overall behavior was not saintly What do you mean by this?
dizi Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 If you were so certain of your relationship, this wouldn't have happened, right? Now you're saying you want to make it better. Did doing "something"-whatever it was-with this guy make you come to some realization? "...our views on life have changed since we were together last. " Maybe you need to break it off with him and date people. What's stopping you from letting this happen again? Not drinking?? No amount of alcohol would make me feel like sleeping with someone other than my bf. Period. Sounds like you don't know what you want. Don't string him along.
overseas2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Whatever you do, dont tell. Jeez that is like the worst mistake you can make. You will earn an enemy for life.
UCFKevin Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 That's not up to her to decide. It's up to him. Tell him. It's pretty rotten what you did, but when you're drunk, you're doing and saying things you want to do and say without really thinking about it beforehand, so it seems like you aren't happy in this relationship and wanted to mess around with your guyfriend. If you were TRULY happy, it wouldn't have been an issue at all. Talk to him. Tell him what happened. If he gets pissed and breaks up with you, that's how the cookie crumbles, don't do something if you can't handle the consequences, booze or not.
arcadia Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Originally posted by UCFKevin but when you're drunk, you're doing and saying things you want to do and say without really thinking about it beforehand, i am SO glad someone else agrees with me on this. people are always blaming things on being drunk (i am not saying that is what you did in this post, though!) but people don't do things totally against their character because they've been drinking. so that excuse NEVER flies with me.
tattoomytoe Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 You Do do things outta character when you are drunk....Do you really think we all drive THAT bad? No, we are drunk and it looked right at the time. when you are drunk you are not the same, cognant thinking doesn't really happen, inhibitions fly out the window....Some people try to fly out of windows when they are drunk too.....they wouldn't do that sober. Alcohol is a factor, but it is not always a good excuse...One CAN choose not to get soo drunk. It is a self-control issue, why get that drunk and put yourself in that situation? If you know you are a flirty drunk, well do not get drunk, do not hang out with hot guys that you kinda might like.
arcadia Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 drunk driving is a completely different situation from what i am talking about. alchohol inhibits your balance and depth perception, we ALL know that. that has nothing to do with character. However, except in extreme cases (i have never experienced extreme alchoholism), drinking does not change who you are. if you secretly have a crush on billy but would never hit on him because he has a girlfriend, you may just do it when you've been drinking because you dont think before you say things, but you're not likely to hit on someone you have no interest in at all (unless you are just looking to get laid and dont care who it is)... drinking doesnt inhibit your senses THAT much. I've known plenty of drinkers and being a drinker myself, i have never known an instance where someone has done something that completely goes against their character. yeah we do stupid things, and we say things we meant to keep secret, but this poster was obviously attracted to this man (as she said she had a flirty relationship with him) and her drinking caused her to do something without thinking of how her boyfriend would feel about it. It did not make her do something she really couldnt imagine herself doing in a million years.. which is what i am getting at. and as far as people thinking they can fly out of windows.. i think you're confusing that with drugs.. which is a whole other story... sure freak accidents may happen, but a person who is drunk is more likely to trip out a window than to say "Hey i can fly!" and willingly jump out the window.
tattoomytoe Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 ok, well i have seen the flying out a window thing, and i have slept with guys that i would have never slept with had i not been drunk. not that it was the beer that made me do it, but being dunk was the major reason. practically everything can be rationalize when are drinking. she was probably just acting on the confusion she already felt.
bluechocolate Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Originally posted by ps123 What do you mean by this? This is a good question. If this was just some "friend" that you were out with & you both got trashed & ending up crashing in the same spot for the night, well sh*t happens like that sometimes. But you've intimated that you weren't exactly "saintly" so this just wasn't some friend, was it? You should examine closely why you're in this relationship & be honest with your b/friend & tell him why you don't want to stop seeing him if that's how it pans out. Plus I haven't told him anything about my relationship with this guy before, and I really don't want my boyfriend to ask me to stop seeing my friend, because he is one of my best friends, and I don't want to loose him. And you shouldn't hide friends from each other - it's not healthy for your relationship.
mysticalstar Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 Hey there! Well let me tell you this just happened to me. My boyfriend had some girl sleep over in his bed, which he claimed "was just a good friend" and that "nothing happened" and that he "slept on the floor." Now I wasn't born yesterday, she may have been a good friend, but he was also extremely drunk, and I know he did not sleep on the floor. The only thing is, he did not tell me. I found out from one of his friends. So i'm not necessarily saying you have to tell your boyfriend, becuase honestly some things are better left unsaid, but just make sure before you go keeping this secret that noone else knows or will tell him. Because it hurt more than anything to have found out from someone other than him. He was very surprised that i even found out. We are still together, but if he ever pulls that **** again, his ass is kicked to the curb. So there is still some hope for your relationship. We have all made mistakes, especially when drinking was involved. Even though that is not an excuse it happens. So don't worry about it, you are young and if it is meant to be, it will!!! Just if you are gonna keep this from him, make sure it wont get back cuz if it does, you may not only lose a boyfriend but a friend as well.
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