templeofmax Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 (edited) We both fell in love, one year later got engaged, but her insecurities and my bad temper started to erode everything. We had a 2-month break because apparently she couldn't stand that I am close to my sister. Granted, in that space I did change a bit in terms of having this girl more as a priority as it should be, without really sacrificing who I am. However, her insecurities always got us into fights, cause even the mention of my sister got her all tangled up. I know, it was too much. However, things were getting better as we went to therapy, she and my sister became friends again, but her insecurities and low self esteem kept creeping up sometimes and I just couldnt be patient and exploded sometimes. I never abused her of course or anything like that, I am a romantic, humble and very loyal guy, but I did get angry cause sometimes it was too much. She liked that I was very honest with her, sometimes without needing it to be, but she always got her insecure anxieties. I did apologize after the outbursts and felt really bad about it and knew that is something I needed to change too. Anyhow, things came to a halt when I communicated to her family that we were parting ways. It was on a moment of anger and the message was not insulting or anything, but I shouldnt have communicated with her family. So she broke it off, one of her cousins insulted me and my sister (again with my sisters issue) and things got messy between the families. Thing is, this girl is humble, with a big heart and I do love her and know things could be better However, after me chasing for a bit, she has ignored everything, which is her modus operandi. She basically ended a 2.5 year relationship through a 2 line email right after my grandfather passed away. She said the condolences, but she basically ignored my sisters messages about not losing the friendship and ignored my messages about wanting to talk. It was ****ed up of her, but I still miss her and do love her because when we were good, even in between fights, it was beautiful. So I have been NC for 6 weeks now, cant stop thinking about her, she blocked me off FB at my request when everything happened, but left my sister and my mom there and my mom told me she actually is traveling in South America. I saw the pictures and she looks like she is having a blast with another cousin. All the while I am spending time with family, but very confused about the whole thing. A few weeks after the break-up she even posted a photo looking all cute that said ´such is life, embracing with all the passion´. I should have stayed off her FB. The thing that has me confused and a little (even if just 1%) hopeful is that before the break-up, in her insecurities she was asking me how come her ******* ex boyfriend had pictures of an ex-girlfriend on FB, that she doesnt understand why would someone have pics of their ex on FB. So she still has the few pics of us there. The last message I sent her was about this, saying that I would give her space and that I was working on myself and that our pics on her FB gives me hope. I have been improving and NC has been helping me as I am not that anxious anymore, but I still miss her like crazy. I have no idea if she reads anything I sent. All I want is to let her know that if she needs space I am not imposing anything, but that I do love her, that I acknowledge her issues and respect them, that I acknowledge if she needs time and space away,as I did not do it before. However, she posts some things on FB about humility, about finding her correspondence, etc. I already said my apologies, I am giving her space as I have always been there and I am not this time, and most importantly, I am changing. Yet, she still has our pics even after she said that and even after I sent that last message to her. I don´t know if I can keep NC much longer after she comes back, but I am afraid getting ignored again. I don´t want to get over her cause I see that pretty difficult and I would hope for her as well cause she did break up in a moment of pure anger, which I guess still continues. With everything, I don´t know if her feelings changed, but if so, why not just delete my pics (knowing what she said to me) and why keep my sis and my mom on FB? If she wants to get over me, why have those there? If anything, she is acting soooo cold, like she knows communicating with me will persuade her again as it happened in the past in between some fights. I stopped communicating with her family and friends, even sent an apology to her whole family, but got no replies whatsoever. I did not stalk her, never insulted her post breakup, did do a little text terrorism, but I stopped cold, but feel that getting through her will be a monumental task. Again, the pics on her FB is the only thing that keeps me hopeful, but maybe after this trip of hers she will delete them, I dont know. Maybe when she comes back she expects to find on her cell phone messages from me, but there will be none. I mean, I was a jerk sometimes because of my anxieties, but I gave so much to this girl, was soo romantic, patient with her insecurities (with her jealousy issues, someone else would had walked away a while ago), etc. Even if she is behaving like this post-BU, I still have feelings for her. Even though I am 33, she is my first love, the first time I felt like this and it seems such a waste that even after a few more months of change, we can´t find each other again when we have both healed a bit from our anxieties. Edited August 6, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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