So happy together Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 Please tell this woman and provide her with enough proof so there is no possible way he can talk his way out of it. If you have any way to prove the serial cheating please do so. If you can, remove your own identity (pics of your face, your telephone number, email address) from anything you give her for your own protection, use a sharpie and then copy the document, or black out any personal info on the computer before printing out if you know how to. This is really smart. I would not have thought of that. I would have just called and talked... then he probably would have denied and nothing would happen.
JustAReformedGirl Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Don't do it. I think what is motivating you is your disappointment with his and your outcome, to a high degree, and I'd BET she already knows a lot more than you realize. On the other hand, if she doesn't and you blow the lid off and shock the hell out of her, then she's LIKELY to turn a lot of rage towards you...maybe not right at first (she might think you did her a favor, at first?) but then she's going to get really, really mad about being betrayed and having the OW rub it in her face, and say its because you care about her safety. Which brings me to my point: This isn't about you being the least bit concerned about her safety or you wouldn't have engaged her husband in any type of affair. Sorry, truth is truth. This is about you getting even with him via telling her, and putting her life and emotions on the line, and it will surely backfire like a rocket. You cheated with him. You got let down. But, you have no business getting even at her expense, although she deserves to know. Let KARMA(his) illuminate the picture for her(and it will), and you really should just go on about your business and not make this woman pay for your terrible choices. How selfish can you be? No, this is not your place. Regardless of what is motivating OP, whether it is selfish revenge toward MM, or actual concern for the BW, it doesn't matter. If he is a serial cheater, the end result is the same. She should inform the BW, regardless of her motives, because the BW could be in potential danger of STD's/STI's/whatever the heck they're called these days. 4
Lillyfree Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 Don't do it. I think what is motivating you is your disappointment with his and your outcome, to a high degree, and I'd BET she already knows a lot more than you realize. On the other hand, if she doesn't and you blow the lid off and shock the hell out of her, then she's LIKELY to turn a lot of rage towards you...maybe not right at first (she might think you did her a favor, at first?) but then she's going to get really, really mad about being betrayed and having the OW rub it in her face, and say its because you care about her safety. Which brings me to my point: This isn't about you being the least bit concerned about her safety or you wouldn't have engaged her husband in any type of affair. Sorry, truth is truth. This is about you getting even with him via telling her, and putting her life and emotions on the line, and it will surely backfire like a rocket. You cheated with him. You got let down. But, you have no business getting even at her expense, although she deserves to know. Let KARMA(his) illuminate the picture for her(and it will), and you really should just go on about your business and not make this woman pay for your terrible choices. How selfish can you be? No, this is not your place. while he waits for his karma, she could get and STD from him that will put her life in danger. i'm not always for telling the BS, but in this case i definitely would - and i hope OP already has. regardless of what her motives might be at this point. 2
Author Crazy_Love Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 (edited) Don't do it. I think what is motivating you is your disappointment with his and your outcome, to a high degree, and I'd BET she already knows a lot more than you realize. On the other hand, if she doesn't and you blow the lid off and shock the hell out of her, then she's LIKELY to turn a lot of rage towards you...maybe not right at first (she might think you did her a favor, at first?) but then she's going to get really, really mad about being betrayed and having the OW rub it in her face, and say its because you care about her safety. Which brings me to my point: This isn't about you being the least bit concerned about her safety or you wouldn't have engaged her husband in any type of affair. Sorry, truth is truth. This is about you getting even with him via telling her, and putting her life and emotions on the line, and it will surely backfire like a rocket. You cheated with him. You got let down. But, you have no business getting even at her expense, although she deserves to know. Let KARMA(his) illuminate the picture for her(and it will), and you really should just go on about your business and not make this woman pay for your terrible choices. How selfish can you be? No, this is not your place. Our relationship is good, both his and mine and hers and mine. I knew from the beginning it would never be anything more than an affair. I'm ending it because I'm tired of living this way, not because of any problems we are having or any resentment. This isn't about revenge, this is about peace. What it is about is that once I got to know her late in the relationship I found out that she is a wonderful person, she isn't at all the person who was presented to me. If circumstances were different, she is the kind of person I'd be good friends with. I'm genuinely worried for her, sorry for my actions. I don't want to ruin things for them but I don't want her to end up getting something horrible. Edited August 8, 2013 by Crazy_Love 5
whichwayisup Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 she isn't at all the person who was presented to me 9/10 this is the case. Most MM tend to exaggerate and tell 'white lies' about their home life and what their wife is like. They make sure to twist problems and issues to their advantage making them look good in the best possible light in their Ow's eyes and also it helps the A along. I mean if he said great things about his wife and how happy he was, good sex life and all, it would be harder for an OW to trust and continue on having the A.
CALOVELY Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 I feel terribly sorry for the OM in this situation as well .. In sure you are feeling used but you are completely throwing him under the bus. I'm not saying his wife doesn't have a right to know! .. It's just odd because in another thread when I mentioned talking to OM's wife everyone told me that was horrible and awful of me to consider but here people say do it! Your thread is close to 28 pages and nearly everybody there told you to come clean to your "friend". How you can claim otherwise is beyond me. OP, tell the BW. She needs to know and let the chips fall where they may. 2
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I'm getting ready to end my two year relationship with a MM. I love him and don't want to hurt him but my question is, should I tell his wife? In the six years they've been married, he hasn't been at all faithful, before me there were numerous others and there will be after. I worry about her physical safety, as I know for sure he doesn't use protection. Her impression of the man she married is vastly different from reality. She and I became friends during the A and she is a good person who doesn't deserve any of this. Do I have a right to shake up their marriage though? If it was a one time thing I wouldn't even bother asking but he's a serial cheater. Help! If you are fourteen, and he's 30, and/or your teacher or boss, then tell... otherwise show the appropriate restraint and let him cook his own goose. (meanwhile, explore your truuuuuuuuuuue motives for having the impulse to tell) 1
BlissfullyWhich Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I'm getting ready to end my two year relationship with a MM. I love him and don't want to hurt him but my question is, should I tell his wife? In the six years they've been married, he hasn't been at all faithful, before me there were numerous others and there will be after. I worry about her physical safety, as I know for sure he doesn't use protection. Her impression of the man she married is vastly different from reality. She and I became friends during the A and she is a good person who doesn't deserve any of this. Do I have a right to shake up their marriage though? If it was a one time thing I wouldn't even bother asking but he's a serial cheater. Help! This is much more complex than you're making this out to be, or I'm completely missing something, and that's okay. As some responders have stated, you need to clearly determine your motivation for telling his BS anything. If you are truly concerned about her health, then what about the health of others and would you be willing to track them down as well? Why, all of a sudden, are you so concerned about her health? Why didn't you tell her before? Were you not concerned before? Especially if she's become a "friend" (which I don't buy at all). I have a ton of questions that are off-topic, but I'll stop here.
HopingAgain Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 This is much more complex than you're making this out to be, or I'm completely missing something, and that's okay. As some responders have stated, you need to clearly determine your motivation for telling his BS anything. If you are truly concerned about her health, then what about the health of others and would you be willing to track them down as well? Why, all of a sudden, are you so concerned about her health? Why didn't you tell her before? Were you not concerned before? Especially if she's become a "friend" (which I don't buy at all). I have a ton of questions that are off-topic, but I'll stop here. I really have to agree with this, and my honest response to OP upon hearing such news if I were the BS would probably be something like this: "B****! You've been pretending to be my friend all this time while secretly f***king my husband....and NOW that you're no longer screwing all ofv a sudden you're CONCERNED about my sexual health and safety?" If you insist on telling her I reccommend it be by phone. I don't think in person wouldv go over so well for you, "friend." 2
BlissfullyWhich Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I don't care at all what the motivation is. Each day his bs is being lied to, manipulated and not given a real choice in her relationship. Tell. Plain and simple. Whether its because you want to throw him under the bus, watch his squirm for your own amusement, vindictiveness or that you've realized how shameful it's all been it doesn't matter. So let's evaluate this. Do you tell in the middle of the A, when you and MM are having so much fun and you definitely realize that he's a lying cheating scoundrel? Or only when the A is over? Sounds kinda hypocritical to me. You didn't tell BS while you were with him, why tell BS when it's over?
Lillyfree Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 So let's evaluate this. Do you tell in the middle of the A, when you and MM are having so much fun and you definitely realize that he's a lying cheating scoundrel? Or only when the A is over? Sounds kinda hypocritical to me. You didn't tell BS while you were with him, why tell BS when it's over? who cares? he's a serial cheater, bisexual, and doesn't use protection. he's a huge risk to his wife. OP coulda shoulda done the right thing, she didn't, better late than never imo. 3
BlissfullyWhich Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 who cares? he's a serial cheater, bisexual, and doesn't use protection. he's a huge risk to his wife. OP coulda shoulda done the right thing, she didn't, better late than never imo. We do not have the entire story here. There is something more at work. And I'm trying to image what BS would be thinking. How could you be trusted with any information when you've been lying to her to her face about your A? Has this person ever had an STD? How do you know he has unprotected sex with men and women? Did he tell you that? Did you see him in the act? Why did you have sex with him, potentially putting yourself in danger (this is off-topic, but really just curious)? If she has proof he has an STD, then I'd say, definitely yes because there is a very legitimate health risk she may be exposed to. IF he has one. But as far as anyone knows, he doesn't have an STD. You need to go to people with direct factual information. This seems so wrong on so many levels. Do you go around monitoring people's sexual behavior and whether they use protection or not and then tell peoples BSs that they MAY be at risk. If you are a REAL friend sharing this with another friend, then I'd say yes. But as someone who just finished sleeping with him, and you claim to be the BS's friend. I call B***S***! If I'm wrong, let some else tell her. It just can't be you. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I gotta laugh at this.... So....Its OK to fck this guy and not give a rats behind about hurting his BS while doing it, but now that its over you are going to be the savior and look out for her best interest and be sure that she doesnt get an STD...What a good sport you are. If her best interest was your concern, you wouldnt have been fcking him in the first place.. If you want to do it, fine, but dont be a hypocrite and say that you have her best interests in mind...Just say you are doing it because you want some vindication, because thats all it is, at the end of the day... And I hope she/he blows up your life in the process, too... Sorry to be a bit combative, but thats how i see this.... TFY 4
ex sex fiend Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 strange thread you say you don`t want to hurt him or her but you are going to tell her? you are contradicting yourself a lot what gives you the right to hurt them or yourself more than you already have?Do you really believe she don`t know?She surely does. you can for her?But you run around with her man? run from that man as quick as you can,keep your mouth shut to them both he is sexually insane ,run from the insanity and cause no trouble to either of them,they will work out their own problems,you can`t fix them go fix yourself first
Author Crazy_Love Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Have you told her yet? No. I'm not going to. I ended it with MM and told him that if he puts her at risk again, he won't know what hit him. He promised me from now on he'll use protection...I don't believe him, but he was doing these risky things long before we met. To answer your earlier question, I would only agree to be with him if he hit tested which he did, and I always insisted on protection.
BetrayedH Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 No. I'm not going to. I ended it with MM and told him that if he puts her at risk again, he won't know what hit him. He promised me from now on he'll use protection...I don't believe him, but he was doing these risky things long before we met. To answer your earlier question, I would only agree to be with him if he hit tested which he did, and I always insisted on protection. Evil wins when good men do nothing. 4
Red Wolverine Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I gotta laugh at this.... So....Its OK to fck this guy and not give a rats behind about hurting his BS while doing it, but now that its over you are going to be the savior and look out for her best interest and be sure that she doesnt get an STD...What a good sport you are. If her best interest was your concern, you wouldnt have been fcking him in the first place.. If you want to do it, fine, but dont be a hypocrite and say that you have her best interests in mind...Just say you are doing it because you want some vindication, because thats all it is, at the end of the day... And I hope she/he blows up your life in the process, too... Sorry to be a bit combative, but thats how i see this.... TFY I told my XMM's wife and it was not vindictive. 5
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