So happy together Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Not all divorced couples hate each other and end up not being friends. Many I KNOW put the kids first and are friends for the kids sake, enough that they can be in the same room, celebrate bday's and some holidays or other celebrations (lets say the kid is jewish and one day has bar/bahmitvizah) or graduates, both sets of parents (blood and step) can get along well enough to be together. Your post is really harsh, lighten up a bit k. It's not harsh. It is OP's reality. She wants the ex to be something he isn't. And she hates the stepmom when the stepmom is kind to her son. If the ex is in his son's life and is doing good things, the OP doesn't have to have a relationship with the stepmom or the ex. It just sounds like she is jealous. She needs to get over it.
SugarLips72 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I am/was a step mom and I avoided dealing with BM as much as possible. I was always civil and cordial and we actually never clashed, I just never talked to her unless it was necessary. when I became pregnant, we did not tell her. Why would I? She was going to hear it from the kids eventually anyways. I did not think it was her business. The most important thing is she appears to be good to your son. Your son and this new baby are going to be siblings. Good luck.
MightyHeracross Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Hi. I need to vent! I hate my son's (aged 9) stepmom (sm). My ex husband and I have been divorced for 4 years. This woman has done everything to destroy any relationship I had with my ex Husband (xH). They met 3 years ago and have been married for two. In the first few months she was in xH asked to meet me so that we could "discuss the best interests" of my son. She was all right at first and we got on ok, but I didnt like her. She is a trophy wife to my xh. She is a pretentious cow, thinks she knows everything about raising kids even though she doesn't have any - yet. At least she treats my son ok, and he likes her. Now she is pregnant and I am worried about the impact on my son. XH and cow didnt even have the decency to tell me there is a new baby on the way. I had to hear this from my son. Everything with my xH is just business since this woman arrived. There is this coldness from my xH and only issues that relate to our son are discussed. This was after cow took offence to me telling her to butt out of things concerning my son. Since then she doesn't talk to me (two years.) What must I do? I am worried about my son. This new baby shoves my son out of the way whilst x plays happy families with cow. Well if she is a trophy wife, your son will have fun in about 6 or 7 years...... just kidding... You need to try to build the relationship. It doesn't seem like she's trying very hard, so you need to. It will also be good to your son to just keep a good relationship with your ex. It sounds like you had a decent relationship after you split, but she got in the way of that. Try to maintain strong relationships until your son is old enough to understand whats happening.
2sure Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 My daughters dad and I separated when she was an infant because we have absolutely nothing in common as far as values, lifestyles, opinions. We can't stand each other. We have done this for 17 years. When he met and then married his current wife I was happy because I felt more comfortable sending her to his on weekends knowing there were now two of them to care for her. his wife can't stand me either, probably because For years I had to chase him down for child support and tell them not to smoke pot directly in from of my daughter. But, his wife treats my daughter very well, always has. As far as I'm concerned, there isn't more I can ask for. I'm always cordial and polite, I'm happy to be, even if he isn't, because they do love my daughter. I don't care much what they think of me and my daughter knows that's not important to me so she doesn't get hung up on it. We laugh about it now.
Eve Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 My Husbands ex had to hear she was in the wrong from her own children, once they got old enough to stand up to her. This will probably work out the same. Being a biological mother does not mean one can hate on another woman who has shown kindness and love to her children. Take care, Eve x
LovelyLife Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I'm going to give you some tough love here - but I hope you understand it comes from a place of kindness. My ex husband and I have been divorced for 4 years. This woman has done everything to destroy any relationship I had with my ex Husband (xH). Okay - first -Ex's are ex's for a reason. When you divorce - and you have kids - your main focal point of that NEW relationship is the children between you. That's the only relationship necessary to maintain -one for the well being of your son. They met 3 years ago and have been married for two. In the first few months she was in xH asked to meet me so that we could "discuss the best interests" of my son. Your ex was so in the wrong on this. HE did this. NOT her. Him. She did not lay down with you and make a baby. He played you both and now at least of one of you is bitter. Shame on him. Target him. He as a wuss and his 'woman' get all involved in a child that was none of her business. She can be the best stepmom in the world - but she can't be the best mom. She was all right at first and we got on ok, but I didnt like her. She is a trophy wife to my xh. She is a pretentious cow, thinks she knows everything about raising kids even though she doesn't have any - yet. So what. :)Seriously. None of that matters. She is not a major player in your life. As long as this: At least she treats my son ok, and he likes her. That's good to read! In my old support site - I would say to a new stepmom: Detach Not your kid - not your problem Be kind Shame on you if you profess to love a man and yet cannot respect that fact that he has children he has a responsibility to. And one more for the slow crew - be kind to his children when they are 9, 19, or 29. OP -That's a gift. I've read a lot of posts and threads from SM's over the years where they are singing 'Tiiiiiiiiiiime is on my side! Yes it is!' And they behave in just that manner. Now she is pregnant and I am worried about the impact on my son. XH and cow didnt even have the decency to tell me there is a new baby on the way. I had to hear this from my son. They probably wanted to tell him together he has a new baby sibling on the way. It is their news. Not yours. And she's a first time mom . . . she's not Just A Stepmom anymore. This is an exciting time for her in her life. Don't (hugs) don't take that personally. She doesn't view you (reasonably) as family or close friends. It's her vagina and uterus and birth story - and she might have known or felt you wouldn't like it. So she probably said - I'll be happy now since she's going to hate my baby and me for the rest of her life. Everything with my xH is just business since this woman arrived. There is this coldness from my xH and only issues that relate to our son are discussed. That's actually good. Sometimes XH's can be nosy bodies and impede your moving forward with your life. This was after cow took offence to me telling her to butt out of things concerning my son. She had NO right to be offended. Now see if you can follow this - Her new baby is her baby and her business right. And she didn't want you involved in the pre-planning and decision making around the child. Can you see how you shouldn't be offended either? You TAUGHT her this. And she needed you to teach her that lesson. ;-) Now - you have to follow the same rules. Since then she doesn't talk to me (two years.) What must I do? I am worried about my son. This new baby shoves my son out of the way whilst x plays happy families with cow. This almost never the case. So big hugs to you. For the stepmom - yes - and that's natural. Of course a first born baby / bio child is a big deal to her and her heart. And that's a good thing for you. Overall and in general - her primary focus SHOULD be on her child. Just as your little guy has ONE and ONLY ONE mommy - this tiny innocent baby has ONLY ONE mommy. I highly doubt that your ex is just never going to see his baby boy again. And a little secret - psssssssssst - I bet you she's praying to the fertility gods that its a little girl so she can have *gulp* A first you didn't have. ;-) Stand back, deep breath - and look at this from the bird dog seat! For the rest of her life - she is second. And for some women - it just sticks in their craw lady! 1
yessy21 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I don't want to be mean... but you sound bitter that your xH found someone hot and started fresh. Its understandable as its human nature. you shouldn't try to be great friends, just parents first and acquaintances second. I bet your thinking that the new baby is replacing your son.... well in a way he is... at least to her the baby is filling in a void that she needs to play family,,, Not so much for him as he will see it as another expense. 1
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