Echo000 Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 used to always think of love in terms of amounts: "I love you more than..." "I love you so much" realize now that love is about quality, not quantity. Some people are incapable of having deep love. Hence why words dont always match the actions. A girl/boy can love you so "deeply", but how deep is that person truly capable of loving? It always seemed like, f anything, my ex loved me more than i loved her. That was totally false. She "loved me because she needed me", and i "needed her because i loved her". She loved me with all her heart at some point, i believe that. sadly, however, her heart was not capable of loving that deeply. She told me i was the first guy she was ever truly in love with, but that love had a ground and a ceiling. Mine was unconditional, blind to her bull****, focused on her potential, naive to the cold truth she would never change. Message i am trying to get across: it is possible an ex meant it when they said they "loved you with all their heart", or they believed they were "deeply in love with you". Their actions baffle you now, but thats because of 1 of 3 things: 1. They never actually loved you. they knew this and played you the whole time (rare, but happens) 2. They fell out of love, and meant it then but no longer feel it now (more common) 3. They truly did love you, and meant every word they said when they said it. However, their love wasnt the "mature", deep love that is sustainable and unconditional. it was more immature love, less deep love, love that would only partially fill your own heart (which is capable of a much deeper love). I think point 3 happens all the time. we are baffled by our exes actions since the break up. we die, wondering/thinking about them, missing them and loving them. and in reality, they really dont care much/think much about you. Why? Maybe its point 1 or 2, but often people fail to see its just that the person is not that capable of holding deep, unconditional love for someone. Symptoms of this? People who are hot and cold, who love with passion then can suddenly turn and show you a coldness you never experienced before. People who appear to have an on/off switch with their emotions. People who will "love you always", yet dont seem to care just months after saying that. Etc. We can blame them for their inability to deeply love. We can wonder/torture ourselves trying to figure out how they could go from an extreme of love to an extreme of callousness/indifference in a matter of months. But the truth is, everyone has their limits. We can hold anger and resentment toward our exes. I know i feel totally betrayed and hurt even as i write this now. but i also know that someone who is truly incapable of deep love and care for another person is a sad individual, someone who will always struggle in relationships and will never experience the joy of stability and continuity with a loved one. These type of people ride the emotional roller coaster constantly, hot and cold, ups and down, i love him vs. i dont want him, etc. Its their loss, its their burden. Its not ours. Love is a deep thing. Many people out their are utterly oblivious to the power of love, to the meaning of love, and to the implications and effects love holds.
lovesucks76 Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 You hit the nail in the head. I struggled with this too. I told me ex...how can you be so hot/cold all the time? During our break up, she said "OK, let's talk about something else. So tell me about you week ahead." I said "I just broke up with someone I'm deeply in love and you say that? How callous of you?" she was furious I said that. Maybe she doesn't like to hear the truth.
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I think it is even easier than this. Have you ever had someone else be way more into you than you were with them. Did that make you not capable of love? Of course not. And same goes for your/my ex. They simply weren't into the RS as much as we were. Maybe they weren't sure. Maybe they were hiding it. Maybe they were waiting for something better. They just didn't feel the same at the end. Even if they did, or seemed to earlier...
lovesucks76 Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Sad but probably very true. I told her I'd cancel any plans just to see her any time because she meant a lot to me. She was just not into me as much as I was into her and that's the cold truth. This helps me move on. What I don't understand is how can someone be so cold when breaking up with someone. I have broken up with girls I wasn't into but I did it with respect. I never said anything to minimize or cheapen the occasion of us breaking up. Some people just lack the sensitivity chip...i believe that!
Author Echo000 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 i agree with you..but i also believe there are people who love so deeply one minute, then are somehow capable (seemingly with just a month or two of time passing) to be okay. i guess the right response to this, the reality to this..is that they never really loved you as deeply as they said. they may have thought they did (my ex in no way was purposefully deceitful about her feelings). but in reality, they were probably more attached then deeply, maturely in love. that fuc**in sucks lol
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