lovesucks76 Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Hey guys, I need your help. I met her at the gym and we quickly because friends since we both enjoy doing triathlons. At first I thought she was attractive but I was not attracted to her 'like that' nor looking for a relationship since I had a girlfriend at the time. She also had just ended a relationship about 4 months before. Well, soon after meeting her my original GF and I broke up because we were really not a match and it was mutual and friendly. Well, fast forward a couple months...I started training with this new girl 2-3 times a week and began to like her a lot. She said she felt the same way so we started dating and training for an event. We dated for 4 months and did several tri's together. I was in heaven..she was a friend and a lover and I was beginning to fall for her. During a bike ride on month 3 of knowing her I told her that I was beginning to fall for her and being older now I told her " listen, you don't owe me anything but I'm beginning to fall hard for you and I'm not sure if you're feeling the same way, if you're not please tell me now and we can continue to train as friends and it's all good with me if that's what you'd prefer...I just don't want to get hurt later". She said she felt the way, she said I was just perfect for her and she thought I was very good looking and I very cool person and that's she was falling for me too. We went home after that and had wonderful one-on-one time! Life was grad then. Well, this past weekend was our 4 month anniversary and we decided to go to the movies. I had noticed during the past week that while she liked being with me she seemed distant and constantly worried about her job, her dog, grocery shopping, etc, but not me! Well, after the movies we went to dinner and I told her that I felt she was distant. She's always busy with a million things which I know it's all true. She also explained that she has a stressful job, blah,blah...and that she loves me BUT maybe we're better as friends since she can;t meet my needs. She said I need someone who can love me that way I love her and she's incapable of that. She explained her dad was verbally abusive and that she wasn't married yet because she had a very hard time being loving with her previous boyfriends. I think that's true...she keeps herself busy so she doesn't have to deal with it. SHe said she loves training with me and would like to continue keep seeing each other as friends and training together as well. So nothing would change except we were no longer lovers. I was mad and told her if she didn't want to fight for us then there's no point in being friends with her right now since I was in love with her and it would difficult for me. I asked about our previous conversation when I told her I was falling for her and didn't want to hurt later. She said "I was falling for you but I realized I am not capable of love since I'm damaged but I enjoy being with you as a friend and really do NOT want to lose you. I still want to go campimg with you and do races together and walk our dogs together". Damn!... I think I got friend zoned!! I was so pissed and hurt and we had a minor fight in the restaurant. We ended up walking to our respective cars in silent and I got in my car without saying anything and drove off pissed at her. She played me! What an idiot. I miss her so much that on the following day I called and texted her saying that I was hurt but would survive. She texted me back saying she values our close friendship and really doesn't want to lose me. I texted back and said I would here for her and feel free to reach me if she ever needs anything. I also told her I was sick and not feeling well which is true. She didn't text back or call me back so I left her alone. Today is day 3 since our date fiasco and we last texted yesterday morning. I hurt so bad. I never cry and this made me weep like a child yesterday. I think she's scared of being close to anyone but I can tell she really cares for me. What should I do? I don't want to go after her because I don't want her to feel like I'm chasing her and lose even more interest on me. I know she cares for me deeply but I also know she's damaged too and very slow to act on anything. She wants to continue to talk everyday but I refused because i need time to heal. I can't concentrate today and my life will feel so empty without hearing from her everyday. I hate this and hate falling for her. Please provide some feedback...I want to call her today and let her know about my doctor's appointment went and check on her and how her day is going, etc. I 'm trying hard not to pick up the phone and call her. It's hard as hell and I hurt badly...thanks everyone!!
thorsten flakne Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Using cliches from the PU community such as "friend zoned" does you a disservice in this situation. The girl you were seeing does not have time for you, or anyone, right now. It is entirely up to you if you want to remain friends, not something I'd entertain, but there may be a time in the future that she will have time for you. Being needy, angry or showing desperation in any other way will minimize those chances. Obviously a difficult time for you, but it may be for her as well. How you handle yourself in difficult times shows your inner character - another cliche but one that may be helpful!
Author lovesucks76 Posted August 5, 2013 Author Posted August 5, 2013 Thank you. You're so correct. I guess it just sucks when you know she cares for you and you care for her but she doesn't value you the way you want her too because she's incapable of doing so. How you handle yourself in difficult times shows your inner character - that I will carry with me today. So thanks! One more desperate question: would you return a text/call from her? She hasn't but I would be tempted to answer a call or a text to be honest. She has very few friends and it's a bit of a loner. I truly love her and feel sorry for her because she had a great thing going and her damaged self image is pushing what could be a great relationship away! It's such a waste. I wish we had broken up because she had fallen for another guy or something like that but I know for a fact that she has not. It would have been easier...Argh!
xanitus Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 protect yourself now. Tell her you're going NC and once you've healed reconnect. You probably wont feel the same way about her. But she will miss you in this process. You can probably be friends in the future. You did nothing wrong here, it's another case of "it's me not you".
Author lovesucks76 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 Thanks. You're right. NC is the way to go. I've deleted all her old emails and old texts. I kept re-reading them like I was trying to find answers to my questions. All is left is voicemails which I also need to delete but haven;t had the guts to do it yet. It's like I want the option to hear her voice one more time if I need to. It's pathetic, I know. I've gone NC and am ready to move forward but still find myself being sad in the verge of tears all day. Its sucks to fall for someone this hard. It really does.
Recommended Posts