PortoMarco11 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 I've been in a serious relationship with a girl for the past year. We are both in our mid-20's, and have brought up the marriage talk recently. At first there was some reluctance on both our parts because of our different cultural backgrounds, but we accept (and love our differences) and have concluded that us being married to one another is an exciting prospect. However last Satuday something happened that shocked and hurt me to the umpteenth degree. You see, she was invited to one of her friends birthday party. And guess what? She didn't invite me to tag along. Ironically this friend of hers is a friend that she and my best friend share so he ran into her at the club as well. No she did not cheat, I have total trust in regarding that but I can't help but feeling as if she took our relationship for granted. She made me feel like an outcast, loser, pathetic piece of chit. I sat at home wallowing and she was out partying. On Sunday we met up for coffee and had a tete-a-tete. I met her that day with the full intention of cutting the cord. I could not handle what had transpired the night before. After five hours of talking, we decided to stay together and I started feeling better about the whole situation. However today I've had a relapse and still feel very angry at her, I know she didn't do it on purpose. She tends to be a little absent-minded for some things and she has never been a real serious relationship in the past (I have). Am I over-reacting? Or is there a method to this madness?
murasaki Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Absent-minded or not, it does seem a bit weird that your girlfriend would be invited to, and then attend, a party with some of your mutual friends, but never think to mention it to you until after the fact. I'm not suggesting that she's lying; let's assume it really didn't occur to her to mention it to you. That fact itself is weird, and not a good sign I'd say. When you're upset about something it's good to question why, but don't discount your feelings. The anger is there for a reason. Maybe it's not about this particular incident per se, but about something larger for which this incident was a symptom. Doesn't have to be cheating. But it seems like on some level you know something isn't right.
cateinaus Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Being absent minded is one thing....but not asking you along is something else. Some people wouldn't make a big deal of it, but I think it's weird.
DJ_Dork Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 You're over-reacting and making a big deal out of it. You may think it's weird that she didn't invite you but I'd also think you are weird too for being obsessive about her.
Stone Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Originally posted by DJ_Dork but I'd also think you are weird too for being obsessive about her. Don't you ever have anything nice to say mr Dork?
Author PortoMarco11 Posted November 2, 2004 Author Posted November 2, 2004 I appreciate the advice, but I just realized that I forgot to mention something....she told me days in advance that she was invited to this party. It wasn't a friend that we share, it just happens (I found out after) that my best friend is also friends with the birthday boy (I don't know the birthday boy).
ThisGirlNameKD Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Maybe it was an invitation only party. The both of you are not join at the hip. There are places and things she wants to do without you. Atleast she told you about it.
BlueLP Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 I might very well be missing something here, but are you saying that you almost broke up with her because she didn't invite you along to a party? Are you serious? Sounds like a reason that girls get mad at each other for in grade school, not a reason to break up with someone you are considering marrying. If that's true, then I think you're really overreacting. People need their own lives, and a couple hours without you should be perfectly ok. It shouldn't even be something to talk about. I encourage you to do some thinking and maturing before you even consider marriage, because intertwining your lives so completely is only going to cause problems down the road.
tiki Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Dude, she didn't invite you for a reason. It's your job to find out that real reason.
bluechocolate Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 There's nothing wrong with couples doing seperate things in their spare time. If she told you days in advance why didn't you just get the story straight then? She may be thinking, "he didn't say anything when I told him about the party, I guess he doesn't want to come along". I don't think its a big deal.
dizi Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 You never do anything without her? I had been seeing this guy for a few months. Very smitten, too. My best friend from out of state came to town. We had tickets for a concert and decided to get a hotel since we'd be partying. My friend and I hadn't seen each other in over a year and just wanted some time together, catching up, without boyfriends. WELL...my boyfriend called the room and wanted us to meet him for drinks-he'd never met her before-but we just wanted to take our time getting ready for the show and it wasn't part of our plans. I would've loved for him to meet her, but we really just wanted to take our time. I had even given him money to get a cab ride home that night (I was his ride to work that morning), and he seemed ok with that at the time...but he wasn't happy now. When I got back to the hotel that night he called me and chewed me out for not meeting with him. It was ridiculous, and I even lost my friend over it. Needless to say, I wasn't happy. Moral-let her have her space and don't be possessive, or you could lose her.
tiki Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Guys, if this guy has been seeing this girl for quite some time (I think he said 1 year) and they've done everything together and all of a sudden there's no invite, I'd be skeptical. If it's her norm, then no need to worry. But it sounds like it's NOT her norm. Idunno, maybe the original poster can clarify that for us....was this out of the blue or does this happen often?
whites7 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Mate...you are over-reacting! If you love someone you don't split up because of one night. Trust me, if you love her then just find out why you weren't invited and don't throw your happiness down the drain for no reason. Soz to be harsh!
tokyo Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 For one part you are overreacting, for the other part I´d like to say that it is a signal that your relationship with this girl is not going well. She might be doing this, because you have a tendency to overreact and/or she is simply a bit careless, too careless for someone like you.
tattoomytoe Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 were you even invited to the party? it seems weird that everyone BUT you was there, and you knew nothing of it.
blind_otter Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 It wasn't a friend that we share, it just happens (I found out after) that my best friend is also friends with the birthday boy (I don't know the birthday boy). So you're mad because she went to the birthday party of someone you don't know, and you think you should have been invited because your best friend is friends with the person who had the party? Shouldn't you be mad at the person who threw the party or whatever? Maybe they live in a little apartment and it was invite-only. Also - you almost broke up with her because she went to the party without you? If she told you days in advance why didn't you bring it up right then? To be honest - I would feel set up if I were your GF, she told you in advance...
arcadia Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 sometimes people want to go out and have time away from their partner.. and there is nothing wrong with that. I go to a lot of parties without my boyfriend. He doesn't care because he enjoys his alone time when i am gone. i wouldnt sweat it if i were you. go out with the guys and dont invite her.. you'll see how refreshing it can be.
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