Must I contact her or not ?

[Scale]

So after the break up with my gf in last october we were friends until May when she said I'm falling for your friend and I cannot be touch with you for at least few months as she feels that she is answerable to me and also that I'm ****ing her happiness in a way, even though I do nothing.

 

So from May 27 we have not been in touch at all, though we have each other on fb, chat etc. I tried calling her few times just generally and left her a message too but no response from her. She sometimes talk to my mom. We are from same city and in LDR for long time and now I'm going back home after 2 years, she was the last person I saw before leaving for US and she was crying bitterly for me. We had no mess nothing in our relationship, she said she was getting distant from me while she got into depression and she felt she did not feel loved. I tried my best as I was studying MBA and things were pretty bad for me here too and she knew it. After we broke up she, I tried to get back so many times and I love like crazy till date, I let her live in my house when my mom was with me in the US. I wrote her a whole bunch of letters, I cried to her telling her that she is the ONE and I'm sure of it. But she said she has moved on and all and that's the time she knew my friend as she lived in the same area. And I heard they are dating now.

 

So now I'm going back home in September and I wanted to meet her in person and open up my heart to her face to face and tell her if she doesnt want be my partner, we can just be normal friends. It does not make sense just throwing away all that we shared. She knows when I'm coming, so must I contact her and ask her to meet despite her ignoring my messages and calls or must I wait for her to contact me and then when I meet her I must open up to her ? Coz my friends are saying you come across stupid if you make the first move, my mom said she has moved on. I love her like crazy and have been loyal, genuine and honest to her always. please help ...!!!

[fujidabruin]

Dude..... even your Mom says she has moved on!!!

 

You have to get control of you. Does not matter what she has/is/or will be doing. Go full no contact and let her know that you are and do not need a response.

 

You have been holding on to the attachment of something that has been gone for quite a while. Time to focus on yourself. I feel your pain..... took me two months after she broke it off to realize I needed to have her outta my life even though she wanted to be friends and I thought I could too. JUST DOES NOT WORK!!! You have to be good with yourself before you can truly be a friend to that former loving partner.

 

If you can be happy that she is happy with your "friend" then you will be OK.

Are you there yet??? Don't think so. Do you want to be friends with someone so selfish that she goes after your friend, knowing it will hurt you??? Sounds like she has kicked you to the curb with little respect.

I know it is makes me want them back worse cause they seemingly have control and the emotions just drive you crazy. Goin full NC gives you back some control and its the only place to start. Do yourself a favor and start today.

 

Not gonna be easy but it is the quickest way to move on and bring back happiness for you. You will suffer till September and beyond if you don't do it my friend. GOOD LUCK and may you find peace.

[Zahara]

I'm in the same boat as your friends and mom. She told you she has moved on. What about that aren't you comprehending?

 

It doesn't make sense throwing away what you both had? Newsflash! She already did and by telling you she has moved on, she's telling you she doesn't want it anymore. And you can't make someone see value in what you had just because you believe so.

 

Stay NC. Move on from this. She has. You need to as well.

[TaraMaiden]

Oh...Good....Grief....

 

I can't even.....

 

Ugh.

[Xiphias92]

We had no mess nothing in our relationship, she said she was getting distant from me while she got into depression and she felt she did not feel loved. I tried my best as I was studying MBA and things were pretty bad for me here too and she knew it. After we broke up she, I tried to get back so many times and I love like crazy till date, I let her live in my house when my mom was with me in the US. I wrote her a whole bunch of letters, I cried to her telling her that she is the ONE and I'm sure of it. But she said she has moved on and all and that's the time she knew my friend as she lived in the same area. And I heard they are dating now.

 

 

Hmm...why do I feel like your ex got G.I.G.S.?

 

You do realize its not your fault right? Fujidabruin clearly pointed it out to you - she's selfish! And me pointing out the highlighted parts (except the italic one) showed that she longed for excitement and the newness of a relationship and the closest thing she got...happened to be your friend.

 

Think about it - do you really want to chase her who is just looking for fun, while you're out busting your nut working on your MBA that can provide you with more than just fun?

 

Don't worry about her anymore, you dodged a bullet and avoided yourself even more if this relationship would have continued past the marriage stage. You'll find someone who will value you much more than your ex.

I can't say false hope because hey I've seen relationships within my friends happen out of the blue.

 

In the meantime, go full throttle towards your MBA. Do the things you have always wanted to do. Find peace and be easy on yourself.

[Scale]

Dude..... even your Mom says she has moved on!!!

 

You have to get control of you. Does not matter what she has/is/or will be doing. Go full no contact and let her know that you are and do not need a response.

 

You have been holding on to the attachment of something that has been gone for quite a while. Time to focus on yourself. I feel your pain..... took me two months after she broke it off to realize I needed to have her outta my life even though she wanted to be friends and I thought I could too. JUST DOES NOT WORK!!! You have to be good with yourself before you can truly be a friend to that former loving partner.

 

If you can be happy that she is happy with your "friend" then you will be OK.

Are you there yet??? Don't think so. Do you want to be friends with someone so selfish that she goes after your friend, knowing it will hurt you??? Sounds like she has kicked you to the curb with little respect.

I know it is makes me want them back worse cause they seemingly have control and the emotions just drive you crazy. Goin full NC gives you back some control and its the only place to start. Do yourself a favor and start today.

 

Not gonna be easy but it is the quickest way to move on and bring back happiness for you. You will suffer till September and beyond if you don't do it my friend. GOOD LUCK and may you find peace.

 

 

Thanks fujidarbin, I agree with you and logically I understand it. I also never want to talk to my friend who is an(a-hole) and screwed me in the back. I learned he lied to her about a lot of his past and break up with his ex. He does not even have the guts to talk to me. Logically I agree but by heart I just want to meet her and open up my heart once. Both are wrong as breaking the universal rule. I'm hurt by both, really after doing so much for her and she put in so much effort in growing our relationship even though it was long distant. Her last words were "you know my story, I never had a normal loving relationship and now i'm getting all that i wanted from nikhil and I cannot let it go, please let me have this."

[Scale]

I'm in the same boat as your friends and mom. She told you she has moved on. What about that aren't you comprehending?

 

It doesn't make sense throwing away what you both had? Newsflash! She already did and by telling you she has moved on, she's telling you she doesn't want it anymore. And you can't make someone see value in what you had just because you believe so.

 

Stay NC. Move on from this. She has. You need to as well.

 

I sometimes feels she is saying it to protect herself becoz she knows once I meet her face to face her emotions and feelings will take surface again. Becoz she felt that strongly for me and was that crazy of me. She told me that I cannot be in touch with you and I'm doing this for myself, not for you as I still feel some where responsible towards you and in a way your ****ing my happiness even when your not doing anything."

[Scale]

Hmm...why do I feel like your ex got G.I.G.S.?

 

You do realize its not your fault right? Fujidabruin clearly pointed it out to you - she's selfish! And me pointing out the highlighted parts (except the italic one) showed that she longed for excitement and the newness of a relationship and the closest thing she got...happened to be your friend.

 

Think about it - do you really want to chase her who is just looking for fun, while you're out busting your nut working on your MBA that can provide you with more than just fun?

 

Don't worry about her anymore, you dodged a bullet and avoided yourself even more if this relationship would have continued past the marriage stage. You'll find someone who will value you much more than your ex.

I can't say false hope because hey I've seen relationships within my friends happen out of the blue.

 

In the meantime, go full throttle towards your MBA. Do the things you have always wanted to do. Find peace and be easy on yourself.

 

I'm sorry whats GIGS? I'm done and going back home now to my country and she knows when I'm coming. Yeah its true what you saying about she was looking for newness etc. I may have not cleared one thing that she did put in alot in the relationship earlier, even though we were long distant and she came down to meet me and she was ready to move to US for studies only to be with me even though she had just completed a Masters in UK. So she did put in hard effort but then I don't know what happened I feel her roomates whom she found new were filling her ears. She knew I did not have time and was in a horrible state. I really was facing the worst years of my life and she was looking up to me in depression but I did how much I could and it was not enough. How am I still crazy of her but hurt by her actions and that bastard.