Emilia Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 It works for Clooney. he doesn't have kids though, does he? 1
truth_seeker Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 he doesn't have kids though, does he? No. He was married years ago.
Lansing Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I am still curious how you met him. I think that can go a long way in revealing his intentions too...
Author Kaylee93 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 I am still curious how you met him. I think that can go a long way in revealing his intentions too... We met at work. I was and still am a student intern and I passed by him often in the halls. We started talking and we had serious connection. I admire his wisdom and he didn't even know I was 20. He thought I was older.
Treasa Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 We met at work. I was and still am a student intern and I passed by him often in the halls. We started talking and we had serious connection. I admire his wisdom and he didn't even know I was 20. He thought I was older. 1. He's not that wise if he's dating someone young enough to be his daughter and also pressuring her to settle down NOW and have his kid when she's only 20. 2. A guy telling you that you look older than you are? Drop him. 2
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 You're 20 years old and just trying to figure out your identity, what you want in life, etc. He's nearly 43..what would a 43 year old want with a young kid? Okay, I'm wording that poorly; certainly you aren't a child and I am not even implying anyting in a "sick" way, I'm simply talking about the vast difference in life stages, brain development, etc. There is alot of pressure for you to settle down and settle in and you already know that isn't what you want and why should it be? There are plenty of men for you to date, you shouldn't have to be rushed into marriage and motherhood to keep a partner or grant his wish fulfillment. 1
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 We met at work. I was and still am a student intern and I passed by him often in the halls. We started talking and we had serious connection. I admire his wisdom and he didn't even know I was 20. He thought I was older. Please tell me the wisdom in trying to convince a 20 year old young lady who's brain hasn't even fully developed yet, who still is in the process of defining herself, to settle down and marry and have children. What wisdom is that? He may have not known you were 20 years old at first but he couldn't have thought you were that much older. Furthermore, if he was as wise as he has you believing when he did find out you were 20 the last thing he'd want to do is put such a situation upon your shoulders. All that wisdom you think he has is merely his upper hand in this situation. You're young, you're naive, and you don't know better and instead of that being a turn off, it's apparently a turn on and that should raise some legitimate questions for you.
newmoon Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 a 20 year age gap is fine once you're in your 30s or so... in the 20s it'll be a HUGE problem because you've got way too much growing to do.
joystickd Posted August 7, 2013 Posted August 7, 2013 What if the situation was reversed a 42 year old woman and a 20 something guy?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 LOL yeah, my dad hates him. Well, on the bright side, your dad is still in your life. How is your relationship with your father???
New User Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 What if the situation was reversed a 42 year old woman and a 20 something guy? If everything played out exactly the same as in the OP's story? I'd tell the dude to run for the exact same reasons. The danger in these huge age disparities is that there is very likely to be a huge power disparity in favor of the older partner- simply because they've been around longer, have more experience, probably have more money, and are very likely to be more effective in getting what they want.
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 I can't help but echo everyone else... If you were both just having fun, dating, hooking up, and having a good time, I think it would be no big deal. You're a legal adult. You're capable of making your own decisions. BUT, the fact that he is putting so much pressure on you to settle down (and have children, for god's sake), turns a slightly-questionable-but-ultimately-harmless situation into a bad situation. You do NOT need to "grow up" simply because you're not ready for marriage and children at 20. 20?? Heck, I'd tell you to grow up if you thought you were ready for children at your age. This guy is pressuring you and manipulating you, and I really hope that he doesn't succeed in changing the course of your entire life like he's so obviously trying to do. It's so transparent that it's scary. Please don't let him talk you into these things that you aren't, and shouldn't be, ready for. Your best years are still way ahead of you!! 1
Author Kaylee93 Posted August 8, 2013 Author Posted August 8, 2013 Well, on the bright side, your dad is still in your life. How is your relationship with your father??? I really can't keep up with this thread. But, I have a great relationship with my dad, I'm not looking for a father figure in my boyfriend.But, I did speak to him further about the children deadline, and that really didn't end too well, and he wants me to compromise more, but I feel like I compromised a lot in our relationship. He hasn't changed anything drastically in his life for me, at least not in my opinion. I'm in a mood where I feel like I'm tired of him, but at the same I want to make it work. I really do appreciate everyone's honest opinions on this situation, it has given me a new perspective on my relationship.
New User Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 I really can't keep up with this thread. But, I have a great relationship with my dad, I'm not looking for a father figure in my boyfriend.But, I did speak to him further about the children deadline, and that really didn't end too well, and he wants me to compromise more, but I feel like I compromised a lot in our relationship. He hasn't changed anything drastically in his life for me, at least not in my opinion. I'm in a mood where I feel like I'm tired of him, but at the same I want to make it work. I really do appreciate everyone's honest opinions on this situation, it has given me a new perspective on my relationship. I can't help but feel that probably should read "he wants me to do everything his way." I suspect that you've gotten just about all the useful advice you're going to get out of here- Good luck. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I really can't keep up with this thread. But, I have a great relationship with my dad, I'm not looking for a father figure in my boyfriend.But, I did speak to him further about the children deadline, and that really didn't end too well, and he wants me to compromise more, but I feel like I compromised a lot in our relationship. He hasn't changed anything drastically in his life for me, at least not in my opinion. I'm in a mood where I feel like I'm tired of him, but at the same I want to make it work. I really do appreciate everyone's honest opinions on this situation, it has given me a new perspective on my relationship. I have a strong vibe that this guy is wanting/wishing to create in you the would-be result of a young woman with no father or father figure during her upbringing. He's probably going through all of the textbook motions, and dynamics known to the older male boyfriend to a young woman who really does need/yearn-for a father figure in the way of a mate. And y'know, that's OK... for those who genuinely DO need such a figure represented by their male lovers. Some fine relationships can result when each fills a longed-for role in the life of the other. However, when a much older guy shows major interest in dating a much-younger woman, it is usually the product of, at the very least, a social awkwardness about him, and cause for further observation/investigation at the very least. (a smitten young woman never has the ideal perspective from which to carry out that last part) ... sorta like the guy in 5th grade who goes across the playfield to play kickball with the 3rd graders, where he is the big kid in the class, and where he is met with relatively high regard. Something's awkward, and warrants looking into. (That while most of the 3rd graders think he's dandy for taking interest in them) Being socially awkward isn't in itself a crime, but some of the methods through which such people might try to compensate for that awkwardness do tend to drift over past the line of illegality. 1
jcrew11 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Is he rich? Does he give you everything you need in life and is fun to be around? If you dump him, you will have to date poor guys who are the same age as you. That would really suck. I would stick it out until something better comes along.
jcrew11 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 We met at work. I was and still am a student intern and I passed by him often in the halls. We started talking and we had serious connection. I admire his wisdom and he didn't even know I was 20. He thought I was older. An older man can really help your career and give you good advice. What job field are you in? Do you want to date immature guys your own age, who won't commit? 1
ses Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 You're 20, he's 43. I echo the choir on this topic. He's trying to mold you into his "ideal woman." You've already talked with him, and he has refused to listen. His inability to make a compromise on this issue is a red flag, and should be taken seriously. Nobody should ever pressure their partner to change; that's not love, but control and manipulation. He's not treating you as his equal, and that's disconcerting. You two are incompatible. If he has assumed any financial responsibility over you I would find another job. Listen to your family. I sincerely believe that they have good intentions and are looking out for your benefit. Enjoy your freedom and ability to be a young adult. Don't be in a rush to get married and have children. Your life will no longer be your own once you make that commitment. You'll know when you're ready to make that leap. I have many friends who are married and/or have children, but it was a decision they made independently. Trust your judgment, and dump the guy. Find a partner who respects you enough to wait.
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