dasein Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Have dated 20 years younger and twelve years older, and lots of less age gaps both ways. Age itself has never been a problem in the relationship. It's down my list of dating criteria, and have learned that if good options come along, age isn't a reason to disqualify on its own. More troubling would be the type of "my way" attitude in him you describe, that is absolutely not a product of mere age, and which a man your own age could just as easily have. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaylee93 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 that's not good. theres a good reason your dad doesn't like him. My dad doesn't know exactly how he treats me. He dislikes him because he thinks he's taking advantage of me. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 My dad doesn't know exactly how he treats me. He dislikes him because he thinks he's taking advantage of me. I dont disagree with pop if this guy of yours is trying to get you settled down and pregnant even before you really hit your prime adult years. You need to live life a bit. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Hi everyone! The biggest thing right now, is that he mentioned that he wants to get engaged and married, and have children with me before he's 45. That means I'll be a 21/22 year old mother, and that's not ideal for me at all. I want kids when I'm in my mid twenties. I told him this, and he was upset and said that I needed to grow up and stop acting like a child and make commitments. His comment does suggest that he is, to some degree, treating you like a child. Regardless of the amount of the age difference, you're both adults and should be given consideration for your feelings, even if it's at odds with his. As someone whose own parents had an 18 year age difference, there's usually more to it than just a number. At 42, your boyfriend had enough life experiences to know that your early-mid twenties are when you're learning to navigate through your choices and come into your own; it's not the time to be pressured into making decisions that could permanently alter your life. Not trying to demonize all relationships with age disparities, but I'd be cautious about a relationship where one partner prefers to rely on an imbalance of power. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fiftyofsomethin Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 I'm only posting here to comment on the irony that 20+ is actually feasible in todays society. While me being 18 and this girl I was seeing being 16 is completely 100% illegal wrong and terrible. Eh. Go figure. Best of luck to you though, brother! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Someone that much older has such an advantage over someone your age that it borders on creepy to me. It's no real challenge to seduce someone your age and manipulate you. And the way that he speaks to you is beyond disrespectful. He sounds like a loser. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 He's not trying to seduce her so he could manipulate her. He's trying to seduce her because younger women are hotter than older women. Older women won't fall for his crap, hotter or not. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MrRightNow Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 @fiftyofsomethin @fifty I'm only posting here to comment on the irony that 20+ is actually feasible in todays society. While me being 18 and this girl I was seeing being 16 is completely 100% illegal wrong and terrible. I think you make a valid point. It's crazy how a young guy like you can end up in prison or be branded as a sex offender for having consensual sex with a girl who's only two years younger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Geiss Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Yeah, the age gap is too large. I'd want to kill that guy if I were your father or brother. So if you were the father or brother of Catherine Zeta Jones you would want to kill Micheal Douglas? That's a 25 year age gap btw. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 (edited) So if you were the father or brother of Catherine Zeta Jones you would want to kill Micheal Douglas? That's a 25 year age gap btw. No need. Nature is about to kill him and leave Catherine a widow.I'm only posting here to comment on the irony that 20+ is actually feasible in todays society. While me being 18 and this girl I was seeing being 16 is completely 100% illegal wrong and terrible. Eh. Go figure. Best of luck to you though, brother! Not illegal. Romeo and Juliet laws bro.He's not trying to seduce her so he could manipulate her. He's trying to seduce her because younger women are hotter than older women. Actually hes just trying knock up a young chick that he can control for the rest of his life imo. Edited August 6, 2013 by kaylan 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Geiss Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 I can see why older guys want to date younger women. I'm 38 and I don't really want a girl around my age. I know I can still get girls in their early twenties. If I try to hook up with a woman around my age she is usually divorced or has kids or has been around the block too many times. And their fertility is also a problem if you do want a family. And plus the younger girls are hotter plain and simple. And they like older guys. But this guy does sound like a douche. He is condescending. And I agree also hypocritical because he never started a family when he was younger and yet he expects that responsibility out of you? Personally I probably wouldn't do a 20 year age difference but I'm willing to go as low as 22 or 23. Some of the guys on here that are younger, if you are still single when you get to an older age they might be singing a different tune then they are now. Link to post Share on other sites
Geiss Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 No need. Nature is about to kill him and leave Catherine a widow. Not illegal. Romeo and Juliet laws bro. Actually hes just trying knock up a young chick that he can control for the rest of his life imo. Nature wasn't an option. We are talking about family of someone willing to kill someone because of an age gap between the two. Link to post Share on other sites
Geiss Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Yeah, the age gap is too large. I'd want to kill that guy if I were your father or brother. Would you want to kill that girl if the situation was reversed and the girl was 20 years older than the guy? Link to post Share on other sites
MrRightNow Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 (edited) @Geiss Some of the guys on here that are younger, if you are still single when you get to an older age they might be singing a different tune then they are now. Yea you're probably right. I also understand why you're not interested in women your age. BUT you should be able to see why a father would be pissed if some guy around his age was dating his daughter. 20-year-old girls don't have that much life experience and can be easily manipulated. I'm 27 and meet girls under 21 all the time. I can tell how gullible and naive most of them are compared to women over 25. I would assume the worst as a father. Moreover, it's just not in a young girl's best interests to enter into a serious relationship with someone twice her age. At that age, the priority for her should be her education/career and simply enjoying her youth. Btw, Catherine Zeta-Jones was in her late 20's and had already accomplished a lot as an individual when she started dating Michael Douglas. That situation was very different. Would you want to kill that girl if the situation was reversed and the girl was 20 years older than the guy? No, but I definitely wouldn't want my son getting into a serious relationship with some old hag. And I'm sure my wife would want to kill her Edited August 6, 2013 by MrRightNow 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Nature wasn't an option. We are talking about family of someone willing to kill someone because of an age gap between the two. Clearly you missed the joke:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Parent/child comes to my mind. Which is unhealthy for a whole host of reasons. exactly... and if she marries him and has kids, is he going to start treating her like an adult? or like a child incapable of taking care of HIS kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Manipulating someone this much younger is creepy. OP, trust me when I tell you that you will likely hit your sexual peak between your mid 30s and 40s, this guy will not be able to get it up by then or certainly not as often as you would like. You don't want to get stuck with an elderly husband. I'm sure it would be great for him but it would ruin your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 It's a good thing you're not my daughter. This jerk would have met with a most unfortunate "accident" by now. Oh for sure, I wouldn't tolerate it either if it happened to someone in my family. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 A woman's sexual peak is her late teens to early twenties. This myth that a woman hits her peak in her midlife comes from a different time when women in their 20's were in a much more restrictive sex culture. By the time they entered their 30's and 40's, usually when they had divorced, the mainstream sex culture of their community had become much more liberal causing a sexual renaissance for them. Depending where you lived this divorcee sexual renaissance occurred back in the 70's to the 90's. With the 90's renaissance happening in the strongest bastions of moral conservatism. Basically it is long over now that is 2013. Get back to me when you know what you are talking about 5 Link to post Share on other sites
pcplod Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Hi everyone! I'm new here and I just need some objective advice, since most people that I talk to about this are my friends and family and they immediately become subjective about the situation. Anyway, I'm dating a guy that is 22 years older than me. I guess it would help to say my age. I'm 20 and he's 42 turning 43. We've been in a relationship for 10 months now. He's been pretty awesome and supportive s so far. However, our friends and family have not been supportive, which makes me question my relationship. There are times when I feel like him and I are on completely planets. He thinks about his retirement and savings, and I'm just trying to figure what I want in my life. The biggest thing right now, is that he mentioned that he wants to get engaged and married, and have children with me before he's 45. That means I'll be a 21/22 year old mother, and that's not ideal for me at all. I want kids when I'm in my mid twenties. I told him this, and he was upset and said that I needed to grow up and stop acting like a child and make commitments. Maybe he's right, and I'm just having cold feet due to the negativity of our friends and family in regards to our relationship. But, I'm really feeling apprehensive about this. Any advice? Yeah. Irrespective of what the age difference is, he isn't listening to what you need or want and when you bring it up he throws a sulk like a seven year old and dismisses it completely out of hand. Dump him. You don't even need to cogitate over the age difference between you. Seemples. PS. The probability is that he has profiled you and sought you out because of your age and relative immaturity simply because he assumed that would make you more compliant. And surprise, surprise, he's upset because he has found out his assumption was just so much $h1t. Here, give him some of my crocodile tears and get a health warning to other women tattooed on his forehead while he's unconscious. Don't say you weren't warned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pcplod Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 It's his attitude more than the age gap that you should be concerned with. Don't be with ANY man who tells you to grow up and take commitment seriously when you're 20. Tell him to go take out his midlife crisis on someone else. Yo, you go woman! Spit the message out like nails, just in case it doesn't otherwise get home properly. And I'm not kidding either. Train-wreck here I come! Woo-woo! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pcplod Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 My dad doesn't know exactly how he treats me. He dislikes him because he thinks he's taking advantage of me. Your dad, in this very specific occasion is dead-bloody-right. His disposition might be a general one and he would not like the scenario no matter what the actual details were. However, on this occasion he is just spot on whether incidentally or otherwise. Sad maybe, but unfortunate definitely not. For once, listen to him. It might actually be good for you. Unfortunately, he will possibly be insufferably righteous for a while afterwards. Dads can end up doing that all too often. However, he may well sigh a really heavy sigh of relief. If he does, take a careful note of it. It will be very telling in it's own right. It will mean that he has thought about it long and hard and understands more about this man than you realise and understands him better than even you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mtber75 Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Sorry, I don't see a future between the two of you because you guys are at different stages in your lives...He's really to settle down and your life is just beginning! Do you really want to settle down with your own family at such an young age? Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 He's not trying to seduce her so he could manipulate her. He's trying to seduce her because younger women are hotter than older women. Man here, middle 40s, and i could not disagree more. Have you been to bed witrh a 40+ year old women? OMG is all I can say! I have no desire to have sex with a 20 year old girl. Ok, back on topic..... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 It works for Clooney. Link to post Share on other sites
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