the_entertainer1 Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I met this guy through an online dating site about six months ago. We talked online for a couple of weeks before deciding to meet in person. Since then, we've continued to see each other every week or so. However, he's still continued to visit the dating site (but I don't think he's seeing other girls). The trouble is, I feel like we're still two acquaintances. It took about eight dates for him to initiate our first kiss and things haven't really progressed from there. Physically speaking, I'm happy to take things slowly. It's just that, after knowing him this long, I'd expect him to open up a bit more. Whenever we meet up, it's because I've initiated it. The way I see it, a boyfriend/partner is meant to be someone you can talk to about anything. Half the time our conversations revolve around "how was your day?" and "did you see the game on the weekend?" He's a nice, polite guy. We share some similar interests. I just don't feel much of a 'spark' with him. Neither of us has had much relationship experience before. He's turning 26 later this month; I'm 24. At first I put our lack of 'progress' due to his shy nature and our combined inexperience. But now, I wonder if we're just not that compatible as a couple. Anyway, it's been just over a week since we last saw each other. I've texted him a few times over the last week and he's replied, but he doesn't 'initiate' anymore. I guess he's not that interested anymore. And to be honest, the lack of interest he was showing (due to shyness) has been frustrating. (I do prefer when guys are a bit more assertive). But after 5 months, I feel weird about letting this just 'fizzle out'. Shouldn't we at least talk about it? What do I do?
pinkstar Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I was in this situation before ... You need to move on. I asked people on this forum and they told me to move on. I did and I'm happy I did... A man who is not sure what to do and a girl had to initiate ... Makes a girl frustrated . I liked him a lot still thinking about him. He was super shy ...I'm also not experienced like you and it seemed he wasn't either. We went out 2 times and I asked him out both times... I know him from work so we were in touch for 6 months... Any ways... If u want , you can continue ... Otherwise just try to date someone more confident but try to date the RIGHT person
crude Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 It must be comforting to women to say that the man is too ridiculously shy to make a move rather than accept that maybe he doesn't find you attractive and doesn't want you "that way".
Author the_entertainer1 Posted August 5, 2013 Author Posted August 5, 2013 It must be comforting to women to say that the man is too ridiculously shy to make a move rather than accept that maybe he doesn't find you attractive and doesn't want you "that way". Sure - but if he's not "ridiculously shy" why hasn't he kissed a girl by the age of 25? I stand by my comment.
crude Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Sure - but if he's not "ridiculously shy" why hasn't he kissed a girl by the age of 25? I stand by my comment. If he finds you attractive but is that shy, then dump him. I never buy into the idea that a man will always pursue a woman if he's into her, because there are other factors, but if a man is hetero and feels attracted and you're right there for the grabbing, either he makes a move or there's something seriously wrong with him. He wouldn't be able to resist. I guess confront him and if he doesn't get his libido in gear, dump him. You're not his doctor.
pinkstar Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I didn't believe either a man can be shy before I met him... I used to work with him so I saw him everyday ...he can't feel comfortable when people around and in our relationship instead of talking to me he used to ask our mutual friend to talk to me sometimes ... Whatever he did showed he was interested but it made me sick eventually ... So I quit . A guy should be confident enough to ask a girl out and don't feel scared of rejection.
soccerrprp Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I guess he's not that interested anymore. And to be honest, the lack of interest he was showing (due to shyness) has been frustrating. (I do prefer when guys are a bit more assertive). But after 5 months, I feel weird about letting this just 'fizzle out'. Shouldn't we at least talk about it? What do I do? Well, after that much time, it is seriously time to think about moving on. But, with that much time invested, perhaps a talk is in order? There are really shy people in our world and some of them have a helluva time opening up, but he knows you and should have opened up much more by now...when you two are together, is he open? Anyway, why not have a talk?
soccerrprp Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Did you have sex? I'd be shocked if they did. Anyway, just reread your post and it sounds like he has a terrible time opening up even with you after all this time. Ugh. He may prove to be a very difficult nut to crack even if you did have the talk. But something has kept you with him for this long, right? There are other endearing qualities, so I would still talk to him about this and see what happens/changes, if anything.
Author the_entertainer1 Posted August 5, 2013 Author Posted August 5, 2013 Did you have sex? Um, no. We haven't even come close and the topic hasn't come up in conversation. I'm ok with that for now and I think he is too. I don't want to do it for the sake of it, and I want to be much more connected, emotionally, with a person before I take that step. Then there's the argument tht sex creates emotional intimacy ... but this topic isn't about that! The other thing is, I've only been to his place twice and it was my idea both times. After the first time he told me it was the first time he'd had a girl over - so again, demonstrating his shyness. I would ask him over to my place to hang out (or make out, lol) but I still live at home with my parents and two brothers - we'd never have the place to ourselves! (I'm planning on buying my own place by the end of the year.) As for the other question of whether he is open when we are together - well, sort of. I guess I thought our conversations would be more "meaningful" by now ...
BluEyeL Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Well, I'm going to go out on a limb and say he has a sexual dysfunction of sorts and that also makes him closed up. If you end up having sex, it's not going to be easy. If you don't love him I'd say you should end it, i don't think it's going to work out long term. You are young, you will find someone else soon.
pinkstar Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 You need to ask yourself why you want to continue this relationship ... I know it's hard . When people in this forum told me the same thing two months ago ... I wasn't sure what to do, but they were right .. He just wasted my time . I moved on and stopped chasing him. I'm not working in the same workplace with him any more so its easier to forget
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I think that you should talk to him. Maybe he is a virgin and doesn't know what to do? The fact that he is seeing you this long without making a sexual move is...strange. 1
BluEyeL Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 He might be a virgin, but being a virgin never stopped anyone if they had the libido and their equipment was working. I think he has some problems. In any case besides all that, he doesn't initiate, so he lost interest, a man who wants to be in the relationship initiates.
Lansing Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I think you should give it a chance. Tell him that you feel like he isn't interested in you. You feel like you are always making the efforts to get together/etc and ask him that if he would rather not date anymore that is fine and that you guys can end it. I think it would be better than letting it fizzle out. This guy is obviously inexperienced and maybe he isn't sure how to be assertive with girls. Tell him that you want him to be more assertive and maybe it will give him more confidence to take the lead especially if he feels the threat of losing you and is actually interested. A girl broke up with me once because she felt more of a "friendly vibe" from me. I think the reason was because I didn't move things along physically and we spent time with these long makeout sessions without things progressing beyond that. She was a bit older than me and I was younger and still living with my parents and I felt like I needed to get back home to "check in" at some point of the night/etc. In retrospect, I see how much of a fool I was and that a girl wants to be "wanted" and I learned my lesson from that.
white Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Why don't you consider: Helping him. Just a thought. Some ****ing charity in your selfish lives with a hesitant and confused man. Too altruistic for you? Then consider this: it works out nicely for you as well. Give a little, get a little. Mind = blown.
Author the_entertainer1 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 Why don't you consider: Helping him. Just a thought. Some ****ing charity in your selfish lives with a hesitant and confused man. Too altruistic for you? Then consider this: it works out nicely for you as well. Give a little, get a little. Mind = blown. It's a great idea, really. But ... I don't really know how to help him ...
TB Rhine Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 (edited) By making a move yourself. Jumping his bones. Turn that mother over and plow him like freshly tilled earth. If you want to, that is. Do you actually want this guy, or are you still holding onto him because he's your only prospect at the moment? Been there, sister. Basically, this guy is either VERY romantically inexperienced (like, probably still a virgin, in all likelihood), has a cripplingly unassertive personality, was molested as a kid or something, or all of the above. He may even be gay, whether or not he's consciously come to terms with that yet. Bottom line: if you like the guy, make a move, or at least tell him in no uncertain times what you want. Maybe he'll rise to the occasion (heh). Edited August 12, 2013 by TB Rhine
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