Post a long-term relationship - how do you deal with the social divide?

[lukekarts]

This is one of the hardest things for me.

 

After 10 years (I'm now 29), mine and my ex's social circle was almost entirely overlapped.

 

Most weekends were spent with the same groups of friends, usually couples, that we've both known over the years.

 

Not only has the breakup affected me really badly, but it has also ripped our social circle into pieces.

 

I'm quite lucky, as the 'dumpee', that most people are 'on my side' but it's still damn awkward that where that hasn't happened, people I used to be close to as friends are now either a) cut of completely or b) being particularly rude or callous when I see them.

 

Its really difficult to manage.

 

But when I think about it, because most have sided with me, she has been left with fewer friends than myself.

 

How have others dealt with this situation?

[unexpectedlyhere]

I'm struggling with this as well at the moment. Because it's summer and people are on holiday it hasn't mattered as much.

 

Basically the way it's gone for me is: I've not initiated contact with any mutual friends except one who was initially his friend but is now very very close to me. So I'm hanging out with a lot of my "friends from before".

 

We used to be very, very close to his brother and his girlfriend and would always do stuff the four of us, and that's been really tough. Luckily they have moved out of the country now so most contact is via IM which can be kept separate! We try not to talk about the elephant in the room, and they have been very nice to me about it and try to keep me entertained.

 

Other mutual friends who have invited us to things together and have been consequently told by the ex that we've broken up, have generically offered to see me separately but have not done any of that yet - I should start.

 

Birthdays and leaving dos will always be hard but I have said to the friend in common that there are certain type of nights I am happy to "leave to" my ex, suggesting I don't need to be invited. That's because this friend I know will always make time for me regardless.