I'll sacrifice the hurt later for the pleasure now

[BruisedBNBroken]

It's over. We had our one last time. A night of talking, yelling, crying, sex, and all the emotions that go along with all of it. I laid it all out on the table - i started this as an exit fair. i fell into the affair fog, i became obsessed, stupid and needy. he was an escape from my real life problems and having to deal with them. Did i want more, did i secretly want him to profess his feelings for me and make a pact to meet monthly to resume our affair? of course. ive been fooling myself thinking orherwise. but he doesnt want that.

he laid it all out on the table - he had feelings. But I'm married and he's the OM and he is not interested in any of the baggage that brings.

It hurt like hell - all of it. And yet as much as I regret starting the intense feelings and memories over once again, I don't think I regret the night. In the wise words of RevolutionaryRoad, I sacrificed the hurt later for the pleasure now. Time to deal with the consequences.

Today is day one of LC (no contact aside from work related matters)

I am sitting at the airport crying. Reading every LS article about NC, pain, withdrawal, heartache.

The good news - I finally have the ability to PM people now! Silver lining I guess.

 

Thanks for reading.

[BruisedBNBroken]

It sounds lovely. Why not divorce? Obviously you are unhappily married so why stay?

 

I have been in IC for a few weeks now and after the dust settles and I am a little more emotionally stronger, I will start the process of dealing with the marital issues, MC, and whatever progresses from there.

[Goodbye]

It sounds lovely. Why not divorce? Obviously you are unhappily married so why stay?

 

 

 

I assume that was an unnecessary sarcastic remark to someone looking for support?

 

 

It will get better. Go as NC as possible. Are you returning from a trip with the OM? How are things on the homefront?

[Goodbye]

I have been in IC for a few weeks now and after the dust settles and I am a little more emotionally stronger, I will start the process of dealing with the marital issues, MC, and whatever progresses from there.

 

 

 

Are you planning on staying in the marriage?

[hippetyhop]

Best of luck!!!!

 

Let the emotions out. This is a painful, emotional rollercoaster. It isn't fun for any of us to go through.

 

Hopefully he respects your LC wishes down the road.

 

I wish you nothing but the best rebuilding your life!

 

P.S.--I'm jealous you have your pm capabilities!!!!

[Goodbye]

Why would you think that? It was a legitimate question that she needs to think about. It did sound lovely. Why torture yourself and stay married if you love another. Don't all ow want the answer to that? She needs support because she dumped her other man who she loves for a husband she doesn't? Isn't why the most important question? Why not be happy and divorce?

 

 

Perhaps I misunderstood.

[findingnemo]

It's over. We had our one last time. A night of talking, yelling, crying, sex, and all the emotions that go along with all of it. I laid it all out on the table - i started this as an exit fair. i fell into the affair fog, i became obsessed, stupid and needy. he was an escape from my real life problems and having to deal with them. Did i want more, did i secretly want him to profess his feelings for me and make a pact to meet monthly to resume our affair? of course. ive been fooling myself thinking orherwise. but he doesnt want that.

he laid it all out on the table - he had feelings. But I'm married and he's the OM and he is not interested in any of the baggage that brings.

It hurt like hell - all of it. And yet as much as I regret starting the intense feelings and memories over once again, I don't think I regret the night. In the wise words of RevolutionaryRoad, I sacrificed the hurt later for the pleasure now. Time to deal with the consequences.

Today is day one of LC (no contact aside from work related matters)

I am sitting at the airport crying. Reading every LS article about NC, pain, withdrawal, heartache.

The good news - I finally have the ability to PM people now! Silver lining I guess.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

I'm sorry this is painful. But you are doing the right thing by going LC. Finish your M issues first. Figure out if it still has hope or not. If you find it doesn't, then please end it. End it for your own sake and for the sake of your H and kids (if any). If you care for the OM at all, give your self to him when you are not committed to someone else and give your R a surviving chance. otherwise by having feelings for him, by making him aware of them, all you do is cause another human being unnecessary pain.

[BruisedBNBroken]

The OM and I couldn't, wouldn't, ever be together in real life. We both know this. For a variety of reasons that we both very aware of. That was never an option in either of our worlds. Doesn't make it hurt any less.

 

As far as the marriage, I have no idea where it will end up. We have 2 wonderful young boys that are worth trying to fight to maintain the family unit for. We both lost our ability to communicate and connect in the marriage on all levels - intimately, emotionally, etc and its both our faults for allowing it to go on so long in a roommate coparent situation. Who knows if we are too far gone but the first step is addressing it and working through it.

 

I just need to grieve this loss right now, break out of the affair fog, and try to get some clarity. I'm heartbroken. It's ridiculously painful. But my stupid decision making has brought me here. And I need to slowly make my way out.

[Speakingofwhich]

Today is day one of LC (no contact aside from work related matters)

I am sitting at the airport crying. Reading every LS article about NC, pain, withdrawal, heartache.

The good news - I finally have the ability to PM people now! Silver lining I guess.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

((((BruisedBNBroken))))

[BruisedBNBroken]

I assume that was an unnecessary sarcastic remark to someone looking for support?

 

 

It will get better. Go as NC as possible. Are you returning from a trip with the OM? How are things on the homefront?

 

Goodbye - we weren't on a trip together, we were at an industry event together where we presented a shared project that was finally completed. So we ended up spending one of the free nights together.

Home front is the home front - marriage in name only - roommate/co parent relationship. Small kids.

I have read many of your posts on here Goodbye and they are very helpful, I need to go back and read up on the ones pertaining to your marriage as I am not familiar there.

[JustAReformedGirl]

I know it's an overused line, but hang in there, okay?

 

To be honest, I think that's what went through my head the first time in my affair. It was only supposed to happen once, it was something AP and I both desired, and we were afraid if we didn't do it, we'd regret it down the road.

 

It gave us pleasure-not just physically, but emotionally-but unfortunately, pain followed. I think more than either of us was prepared for.

 

In fact, no matter what predictions we make, no matter what we know-we can never truly predict the outcome. The pain is always to the point of unbearable.

 

If you need an ear, PM me.

[UpwardSpiral]

BNB,

I didn't have the chance to say goodbye in person to my AP, but today we exchanged final messages - I hope. We've been through a tortuous series of fits and starts for 7 months, but this time I said my goodbye and shut down the private email account, blocked his cell phone, and got rid of several mementos. Painful as hell. Like you, I'm in a roommate situation and know I need to figure that out - once I get out of my affair fog. I can't imagine working with him. That must be excruciating. I will say that my AP's final message to me was honest - maybe a little too honest - and drove home that his interest in me was almost exclusively physical. That both hurts and helps. Hang in there and know you're not the only one!