ses Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I recently went to a casual dinner with someone who I met on Facebook. This guy and I have some friends in common and attend the same university. He's a few years younger than me (19, and I'm 25). He "poked" me first, then we started to exchange messages. We had never met in person before, and he seemed like a nice, friendly guy. We exchanged numbers and started to text each other. We talked on the phone once or twice before we met up in person. I suppose my mistake was meeting him at night. He got lost on the way to pick me up so I ended up waiting for more than an hour. He gave me a big hug when we finally met up which I happily received, and opened the door for me. He had classes in the afternoon so we agreed to meet at night. I should have paid but I didn't have enough cash for a meal, so he agreed to pay for the two of us, and I told him I would pay for us in the future. I thought I was being kind and a good friend because he graciously paid for my meal. We talked past closing time at the restaurant and I enjoyed myself. He carried me to the door which I wasn't expecting at all. I didn't view it as a date, so I didn't treat it as such, although my sister naturally inquired about it. He was very affectionate in his demeanor, but reassured me that he's always that way with his friends (bumping noses with me, trying to tickle me, trying to give me a kiss on the cheek). I thought he was being sweetly awkward but I didn't want to read too much into his actions. After we left the restaurant we drove around a little more to find an open Dunkin Donuts. A hopeless cause since it was really late (I had offered to pay for our donuts since I had some change) but it allowed us to engage in more conversation. Finally he drove me home. We exchanged another hug and he tried to pick me up again to carry me to my door, but I resisted. We said goodbye, and that was it. I started to have an inclination that he desired more than a friendship when he started to text me with affectionate pet names like "hun," "dear" and "qt." I never responded in kind; I would only respond with a "hey :)" or an "xoxo" only after he initiated it first. He asked me if I would've kissed his cheek, and I told him no since I didn't know him that well. He started to ask me questions about my personal life, including my views on sex and my number of partners (he never shared with me any details), which I thought was coming on a little strong. We were going to meet up yesterday (August 4th) for dinner but he wasn't sure if we could meet up so I told him we would take a rain check. I had planned on paying too. Later asked me by text if I felt anything towards him. I told him that I thought he was a nice, sweet and affectionate guy but that I only saw him as a friend. I sent him a message asking if we could remain friends. He stopped responding to my me but a few hours ago texted "hello." I responded in kind, but have had no response since. I want to be his friend but I don't know if I should just forget about it. I'm a naturally friendly and affectionate person. I don't know if his lack of experience with women caused him to misinterpret the signs, but I had no intention of misleading or hurting him. He's a nice guy but I felt really uncomfortable quite due to his attachment. We were never dating. I took his physical affection as a normal part of his being (because that is what he told me from the get-go) not an indication of something more. 1
New User Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 That certainly doesn't sound like the way that he'd treat someone he viewed as just a friend. Ask yourself if you could picture him cavorting like that with any of his male friends.
Author ses Posted August 5, 2013 Author Posted August 5, 2013 When he mentioned "friends," I automatically assumed he meant other women he viewed in a platonic manner. Like I said, I took the physical affection in stride because he explicitly told me he was affectionate with his friends. He even told me that he has rubbed people the wrong way before due to his openness. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy.
New User Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 When he mentioned "friends," I automatically assumed he meant other women he viewed in a platonic manner. Like I said, I took the physical affection in stride because he explicitly told me he was affectionate with his friends. He even told me that he has rubbed people the wrong way before due to his openness. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy. You're there, I'm not. From the outside looking in it sounds like his interests go beyond friendship to me though. Of course I could be wrong.
Author ses Posted August 5, 2013 Author Posted August 5, 2013 (edited) Oh, I agree. I believe he briefly ended contact with me because he is/was attracted, and I didn't feel the same. I just wish he would've been more honest with me instead of playing games. I gave him my response, and it was just dead silence on his end. He lead me to believe he wanted friendship, nothing more. Edited August 5, 2013 by ses
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 You led him on by accepting his affection - bumping noses, tickling, letting him carry you to the car (whatever that means) and by letting him pay for your meal. Why didn't you pay for your own meal if you had no romantic interest in him? If you didn't have enough money for food you should have got a cup of coffee or something. So what exactly is your question? Can you remain friends now that you've turned him down? It's possible, he's very young and he might hang around for a bit hoping you'll change your mind. But if he's smart, he wont.
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