Daydreamer87 Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Hi Everyone, So, I'm here for support and advice. Anything that anyone can offer is welcomed and appreciated. Just to preface, I am a humor columnist, so even though I'm the emotional equivalent of a burning mound of tires (Don't ask), you can expect this to be mildly entertaining; particularly if you enjoy reading about the relationship exploits of a degenerate. First things first, plug this into an alternate browser tab: Is that ear-candy saturating your brain? Good. Read on. Here's my story: I heard the call of the West shortly after I graduated college in 2010 (I majored in bio and minored in chem) on the East coast. I signed up with AmeriCorps and - as luck would have it - they stationed me in San Jose, CA. After a year of digging holes, planting trees, and hooking up with my coworkers, I went to Burning Man 2012. Among the scores of weirdos, drugbros, overweight naked people, and tourists, I met who I thought was going to be the love of my life. We'll call her.. Satan? No.. Satine. Yeah, that's good. -Insert wild, crazy orgies and other Burning Man nonsense- Fast forward to 2013 - I moved to Berkeley, CA to split rent with Satine and see if I can find one of those fabled "jobs" that I hear other scientists describe in legends, as we huddle around the trashcan fire, eating the night's ration of beans. I got to work establishing relationships to catch up with Satine, who had a lifetime's worth of a head start in that department, having been born and raised in the area. I also took a yoga-teacher training course. Neat, huh? If my life was a movie, Darren Aronofsky would take over direction, at this point. Personality disorders and considerable communication failures abound. The only things missing are a drug addiction and a tragic death. Satine became jealous and the relationship became emotionally abusive. It seemed as though nothing I did was good enough for Satine, and every decision I made was the wrong one. I felt trapped, and I reverted to old habits of inflicting self-harm and depressive episodes. Meanwhile, Satine blamed me for everything that was happening to me and our relationship. She insisted that if I moved out and we had space and time apart, things would be better. So I did. Honestly, I probably should have washed my hands of the situation then and there. I've been through enough relationships to know when my partner is turning into the girl from The Exorcist. You'd think the spider walking down the stairs would have been the clincher for most people, but I find that **** sexy. Yeah, I'm kinky like that. I secured some contract work ghost-writing scientific articles for a research group out of Australia, and with those funds, I was able to move into my own place. Our relationship did improve, for a time, and about a month's worth of that time was marked by her having a personal adventure in Central America while I locked down some additional temp employment and found an awesome romance in a woman named Gillian. Satine returned, and we wound up working a summer job at the same company, where we formed a poly constellation with all of our coworkers (who also turned out to be poly) and **** was dope. Then everything went to hell in a hand basket. Satine broke up with me; Gillian broke up with me; all of our coworkers ousted me and Satine from the constellation because the situation was toxic. Satine has a gorillion other relationships she can fall back on (platonic, romantic, and otherwise), and she's certainly not shy about bringing her random hookups into work with her in the morning so she can have an extra special "have a nice day" hug right next to my work station. Waddabitch, 'mirite? It feels like everything that I've endeavored to create here in this place, at this time, is collapsing around me and crushing me under an avalanche of shattered dreams. I've got no friends, no lovers, and the summer job is ending with summer. FML -SIGH- Okay, so that's the long, sordid tale. It feels good to write it down, get it out, and allow myself the time and energy to be an egocentric wretch. I don't have the money for therapy, though lord knows I need it. I feel worthless, unattractive, and anxious in my work situation. So what do you guys think? Here are some things in particular that would help me: What are the prerequisites for a healthy poly relationship? How does one keep it healthy? Is the behavior of quantum objects substantially different enough from relativistic objects such that the two can be considered different universes, regardless of the fact that the quantum universe forms the components of the relativistic universe? What do I do with myself now that my life has gone to ****? Graduate school? Peace Corps? I'm honestly fantasizing about hitchhiking and train-hopping across America, and wasting my life away in the dockyards, gambling on hound fights and drinking gin.
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