I'm depressed and not sure if my feelings are irrational about a guy I am dating

[brightstarinthe]

First off I have a lot of things going on in my mind, so I am not sure if I am jumping to conclusions about the guy that I have been dating.

 

Here's some back ground info. I am estranged from my family. I don't have any family here in my country apart from my three siblings and my mother. My father took off years ago and we haven't heard of or seen him since.

 

My sisters would have holiday get togethers and birthday parties, mother's day celebrations for my mom and not invite me despite the fact that they know of my history of depression and being hospitalized for it. When I lived at home with my mom, my older sister would invite my mom to her her house to spend Thanks Giving with her, her husband and kids. The last straw for me when when my sisters had a surprise birthday party for my mom last over a year ago. All the grand kids were there and I was not invited. Just the year before they did that, I tried to take my life and the middle sister knew this and she still organized a party for my mom and did not invite me. I told her it bothered me before she did this so it wasn't as if she wasn't aware of my feelings of feeling ostracized. I decided from then on that I needed to cut them off completely. My mom doesn't see anything wrong with this because it's not affecting her directly. I usually call her but yesterday she told me I am boring to talk to on the phone so I just won't bother with her anymore.

 

I've been seeing a guy for a year and a half. He's nice and he always takes me out when he is not overwhelmed with work. He takes me out to dinner, or the movies and we are planning a trip together in the fall. Even when he is busy, he checks in on me once a day. On the rare occasion I might not hear from him for one day. BUT it bothers me that he has never introduced me to his family or friends. He has never met mine either but I have my reasons.

 

I checked out his social media one day and saw that his ex was corresponding with him. Although he says she's engaged to someone else, I'm just wondering why I am not even on his social media but she is. They lived together by the way. He freaked on me one day when I posted a message on his instagram. He said, "I use my instagram for work to publicize my work and to liaise with clients and that he likes keeping his personal life separate from work." But I think that is BS. Why would his ex be communicating with him on there then? And I've seen some of the crap he posts on there and it's not all work related. There are other girls on there that post crap on his pictures... I admit I posted a msg to make my presence known and to irritate him but I wanted to see his reaction.

 

I'm not sure if my feelings are irrational because I already feel bummed about my family, or my feelings are legit. I can't tell if he's ashamed of me or he has a girlfriend and is keeping me private.

 

We also come from two distinct cultural backgrounds and I am not sure if he doesn't want his friends or family to know about me because of my race.

 

I don't think I am a loser. I am an educated woman with a great career, so I don't understand why I feel so crappy. But I do feel as if I am unimportant in this world.

[Philosoraptor]

I'm sorry about your family situation.

 

But you are right to be bothered here, he is letting his ex do something that he is unwilling to let you do. So I'd agree that he is hiding you from the people in his life.

 

You aren't unimportant in this world. You were important enough to me (and I don't even know you) to respond to your message. All you can do is try to surround yourself with people who value you for who you are.

[Toddbt12y1]

Your family is horrible.

 

They will one day reap it. Like your sister could...through her kids doing her exactly the same. Depression is hell. It takes such a deep toll on you. They seem unable to relate. Overly cruel...I hope that they pay.

 

As of him: he is allowing his ex on his social media...yet not you? That's fishy. You don't deserve that. After time together...he should have introduced you to his friends and family.

 

What is your race? What is his? I doubt it's your race...but who knows?

 

Either way...you are important. You do matter. You are special; they've failed to see that.

[Yookie]

Not trying to be harsh but honestly I think you should seek professional help for your depression. It appears to be a chronic problem if your family refuses socialize with you. Ironically you pick a boyfriend that keeps you a secret as well.

 

You wont be able to sustain healthy relationships if you aren't emotionally healthy or at least in control and able to manage your depression.

[brightstarinthe]

I'm sorry about your family situation.

 

But you are right to be bothered here, he is letting his ex do something that he is unwilling to let you do. So I'd agree that he is hiding you from the people in his life.

 

You aren't unimportant in this world. You were important enough to me (and I don't even know you) to respond to your message. All you can do is try to surround yourself with people who value you for who you are.

 

Thank you I appreciate hearing that Every once in a while it bothers me about my family situation. And then the guy - I just don't understand it.

[brightstarinthe]

Your family is horrible.

 

They will one day reap it. Like your sister could...through her kids doing her exactly the same. Depression is hell. It takes such a deep toll on you. They seem unable to relate. Overly cruel...I hope that they pay.

 

As of him: he is allowing his ex on his social media...yet not you? That's fishy. You don't deserve that. After time together...he should have introduced you to his friends and family.

 

What is your race? What is his? I doubt it's your race...but who knows?

 

Either way...you are important. You do matter. You are special; they've failed to see that.

 

 

Thank you . He is Italian and I am Black West-Indian. It boggles the mind, and I'm not sure what he's hiding. He makes it seem as if he is not but I've never been treated like this by any guy. He's super nice to me but he hides me. Just doesn't make sense.

[brightstarinthe]

Not trying to be harsh but honestly I think you should seek professional help for your depression. It appears to be a chronic problem if your family refuses socialize with you. Ironically you pick a boyfriend that keeps you a secret as well.

 

You wont be able to sustain healthy relationships if you aren't emotionally healthy or at least in control and able to manage your depression.

 

There's nothing wrong with getting counseling. Lots of people do it regardless of their mental health. My family doesn't keep away from me because of my depression, but my mom told me its because I don't have children of my own why she doesn't visit. She lives walking distance from my house and has only visited two or three times. The other day she told me I was boring to talk to on the phone. Lol.,

 

My older sister can't stand me. In the past she has withheld family members from seeing her kids when she was upset with them. That being said, instead of being in conflict with the older sister, my mom and sister choose to ignore her behavior and socialize so that they don't miss out on watching my nieces grow up. Shes withheld her kids from my sister and mom before. She's done this with my brother as well, omitted her children from my brothers life. It doesn't bother my brother as much as me because he has his own family. Whereas I have no one here except for friends and the guy I'm dating who knows of my situation.

 

Anyone would feel depressed about your own family treating them this way. My depression was a lot worse when they were in my life. I still get depressed about my situation but not as much.

 

I'm happy being an independent woman but at the same I worry that I don't want to be alone in the world without someone who cares about me.

 

The guy sends me mixed messages... We always go out, he supports with with the things I do, and he's affectionate but he hides me from his family which I don't appreciate bc I've never had a man do this to me before. I don't know the reasons why and I can only speculate.

 

I'm not desperate to date him. I've broken up with him before and he's begged me back. I just bothered by unanswered questions. He knows that if I find out he's lying or playing with my heart - that I will never talk to him again.