buzzie2 Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 He picked a younger girl that is very promiscious, likes to drink and do drugs and has tattooes. She has been with A LOT of other guys. I am the same age as he is (mid thirties), do not do drugs or party and have good morals and values. I am very health concious and work out, and the other girl he picked over me has a weight problem and is atleast 50 pounds overweight.
Quiet Storm Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 He picked a younger girl that is very promiscious, likes to drink and do drugs and has tattooes. She has been with A LOT of other guys. I am the same age as he is (mid thirties), do not do drugs or party and have good morals and values. I am very health concious and work out, and the other girl he picked over me has a weight problem and is atleast 50 pounds overweight. If he is just looking for sex, she is the easier option. If not, then its more complicated. Some people don't choose based on character or a good personality. They choose based on how that person makes them feel. People also recreate unresolved childhood issues in adult relationships. They can subconsciously choose people that make them feel like a parent did. People don't always choose the logical option. Don't waste your time worrying about it. Just move on. 3
SJC2008 Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 If he is just looking for sex, she is the easier option. If not, then its more complicated. Some people don't choose based on character or a good personality. They choose based on how that person makes them feel. People also recreate unresolved childhood issues in adult relationships. They can subconsciously choose people that make them feel like a parent did. People don't always choose the logical option. Don't waste your time worrying about it. Just move on. Great take as always QS. I think the number of people that recreate dyfunction is higher than "some" though. It's really hard to meet self aware people. I'm not tooting my horn as I've only been self aware about a year but I'm sooo grateful for it! 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 She younger and more unavailable, unpredictable and more "exciting", at least to how he perceives her. He's also likely trying to distract himself from his more settled lifestyle and relive certain aspects of his youth with someone who is a bit more reckless and likely just for the short-term...she's could wild and adventurous in the sack, maybe even Bi. So I think he's just sabotaging and throwing a wrench in his life, probably isn't ready to settle down and in and just looking for a bit of fun again. When women look at the next woman a guy chooses, she needs to be thinking about what the guy wanted or needed, rather than focusing on the woman herself, she's just a scapegoat to personal problems/issues/feelings in his own life. Guys aren't picking one girl because she's better or worse, it can be only for very minor reasons or what role she provides at this moment in his life. 1
New User Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 What answer could any of us possibly give that might make you feel better? It doesn't really matter why someone chooses another gal over you, just that they did.
stillafool Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 He picked a younger girl that is very promiscious, likes to drink and do drugs and has tattooes. She has been with A LOT of other guys. I am the same age as he is (mid thirties), do not do drugs or party and have good morals and values. I am very health concious and work out, and the other girl he picked over me has a weight problem and is atleast 50 pounds overweight. I would really have to see a picture of this girl to see how she looks. Maybe she isn't as bad as you make her out to be. It sounds like this guy is emotionally connected to her. Whatever the reason you sound like someone who has her stuff together and should have no problems finding someone else.
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 If I am reading you correctly, I disagree. The guy chose another woman because of the OPs shortcomings. She couldn't or wouldn't give him what he needed so he found it elsewhere. Not necessarily at all, If not completely unjustified...that would be placing too much responsibility on the woman while disregarding his responsibility of his own choices. If he was unhappy with the type of woman she is and what she provided, why would he choose somebody completely opposite of her instead of someone very similar to her but with the relevant "improvements"?...it is not a direct correlation between has and has not, plenty of men experiment with all kinds of different women (casually speaking typically) in order to get their beak wet with all the flavors of the rainbow, it doesn't suggest one particular partner was better than the other. Men also fluctuate between different women based on the needs, right now he seems to be cutting away from women in his age group and having a mini mid-life crisis, she'll reinvigorate the spirit without locking him down into a predictable and responsible relationship, he can have fun with not so many strings attached, she's probably not the brightest star in the sky either intellectually. But really, it's such a vague and brief background she's provided about herself and this woman (which is all viewed from her perspective, which is likely he doesn't see her in the the same light) there could be more to this story...so there's a lot left to speculation, but judging from his behavior and the drastic different in these two women, I would taken his choice with this new woman as mainly superficial and personal, rather than a significant emotional connections or fundamental need he desired and lacked in his prior relationship...just not even information to give a complete and accurate assessment rather than speculate.
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 It's also probably extremely rare unless extremely insecure and self deprecating...if not ever seen it happen in my experience, where a girl compares himself to another girl her previous guy is now dating and doesn't try and tear her down in a million ways, and openly admits how much prettier, attractive and yadda yadda or whatever else...women need to justify that this woman is trash or not as good compared to her in order to keep her own pride in tact...unless she's just really over it...the guy obviously has his own view and agenda/opinion, but as women they're not thinking on such simple terms and way over-analyzing and comparing, and sometimes it's just because she was there at the right time and available/easy. 1
hppr Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 He picked a younger girl that is very promiscious, likes to drink and do drugs and has tattooes. She has been with A LOT of other guys. I am the same age as he is (mid thirties), do not do drugs or party and have good morals and values. I am very health concious and work out, and the other girl he picked over me has a weight problem and is atleast 50 pounds overweight. Assuming this is not a troll...guys pick girls who are EASY to be with and who accept them as they are. Girls who are fun to be with, adventurous and sexual are a plus.
aussietigerwolf Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 You being basically the "perfect package" doesn't necessarily mean you will always "win" or be chosen first over everyone else. Obviously he doesn't care about her supposed promiscuity or weight so your best bet is to move on and stop asking why since it makes little difference. Everyone is different. Yep, had this happen too... But you know what? Although it hurt at the time, I was so glad as I later on found the most amazing guy.
ChessPieceFace Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 ... for better or worse, attraction isn't based on computing a laundry list of "positives" and "negatives." For whatever reason he is willing to put up with that girl's substance abuse and whorishness, it's his life. Time to move on. 2
New User Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 ... for better or worse, attraction isn't based on computing a laundry list of "positives" and "negatives." For whatever reason he is willing to put up with that girl's substance abuse and whorishness, it's his life. Time to move on. QFT. Interpersonal chemistry isn't a precise science. God knows I've felt (and acted on) attractions that defied all common sense.
soccerrprp Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 QFT. Interpersonal chemistry isn't a precise science. God knows I've felt (and acted on) attractions that defied all common sense. AMEN to that, brother! 1
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