orionboxing Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 For some of you, when did you begin your grieving process? Was it when you decided to split, was it when the divorce was official, was it sometime after that final court date that you were hit with delayed grief? It's been nine months since my divorce was final. My ex-wife has had a serious boyfriend for 5 months now, but I'm still picking up the pieces and dealing with some depressing episodes. I want the pain to stop over what once was...
Misfortune Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 For some of you, when did you begin your grieving process? Was it when you decided to split, was it when the divorce was official, was it sometime after that final court date that you were hit with delayed grief? It's been nine months since my divorce was final. My ex-wife has had a serious boyfriend for 5 months now, but I'm still picking up the pieces and dealing with some depressing episodes. I want the pain to stop over what once was... Why'd you guys divorce? I felt it soon as it was said and I knew she was serious. It caused me pain I've never felt before. She now has a girlfriend that she's dating/lives with. She doesn't communicate with me at all. I've been NC with her for a month+ so far. I have no job(lost it during my depression), she does but she spends all her money on her gf. I don't know when this divorce will be started. I have no income and she does but could care less. it's annoying that I'll probably end up paying for something that I don't want. My pain stopped a bit and became indifference when I have up hope. Hope that she would come back, change her mind, wanna work on us....those silly things. Now I'm just trying to move forward in life but I'm lost.
Kristine Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I ended it and for me the grief struck when he had finally moved on. Truthfully I thought he would always be around for me, he was a very clingy guy and I was his first and all that stuff. But when he had his 2nd girlfriend after our divorce, it struck me. He's done, he's gone and it's really over. He's never coming back. He's now married to that 2nd girlfriend. They've probably been married longer than we were married. That hurts. God does punish people. I left him, for serious reasons, and he is living a much better life and has custody of our daughter. I'm stuck in a horrible state of existence really and losing hope of it ever getting better or even normal. I stay alive for the sake of my daughter, she lost a brother to suicide she could never cope with the loss of me. He doesn't know I feel that way though, I've told him I'm happy without him and I put on a big smile.
carhill Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 For some of you, when did you begin your grieving process? For myself, it began about four years prior to our official split and I grieved for a solid two years as my love died (I made my exW aware of this) before caring less than she did and contacting an old lover. By the time our MC period ended, a couple years later, I felt pretty recovered and ready to either move on or battle it out in divorce court. Fortunately, we maintained an amicable divorce and both moved on. Two thumbs up for that resolution. For that, I respect my exW to this day. She's a zero in my book, but I respect her for that. YMMV>
Author orionboxing Posted August 5, 2013 Author Posted August 5, 2013 Why'd you guys divorce? To briefly summarize, I loved her a ton....but she treated me very very poorly. Hateful, mean, no intimacy, picked fights with my family, hated most of my friends, she was basically bi-polar. After a really bad fight, I told her it was over. Separated in March 2012, she grieved for maybe three weeks tops and she was fine after that. Divorced November 2012. She got a new boyfriend in February. I started grieving this March and have cried all summer.
Author orionboxing Posted August 5, 2013 Author Posted August 5, 2013 I ended it and for me the grief struck when he had finally moved on. Truthfully I thought he would always be around for me, he was a very clingy guy and I was his first and all that stuff. But when he had his 2nd girlfriend after our divorce, it struck me. He's done, he's gone and it's really over. He's never coming back. He's now married to that 2nd girlfriend. They've probably been married longer than we were married. That hurts. I'm so sorry. I'm going through the same thing. When they move on, you realize how much you do love them. It's sickening.
RonaldS Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Man, we've been separated so long, with so much limbo, that the grieving really came in waves. The hardest part for me (and this is weird considering I wanted out) was after we officially decided to end it. I began to realize it was over and for about a month I was a total mess. Then for another month after that, I was kind of a mess. Then came Thanksgiving and Christmas, and by then I had accepted it was over, and it's been steadily uphill since then. Getting through the holidays was something I didn't know if I could do, but it wasn't that bad. There were also a handful of times during the 2.5 years we were apart that were really, really hard. And if I was 'happy' at all during that phase, it wasn't authentic. This summer has been the first summer since 2010 that I've genuinely had fun and been happy. I'm at the point, and have been at the point for long enough to establish it as permanent, where I know that even though I love her, I don't really care about her life, what she's doing, who she's seeing. I'm just happy to be calling my own shots without having to worry about the consequences of her finding out.
Yasuandio Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 (edited) Sorry, I misunderstood the topic, and therefore, removed my posting. Yas Edited August 5, 2013 by Yasuandio
trippi1432 Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I can only say from my experience when my exH left and took up with someone else that he felt no remorse over anything until I moved on and found someone else a couple of years later. It was then that he started treating me with more respect as our son's mother....but it was bothersome when he sent a few text message on his wedding anniversary with his wife that I was all he thought about. It makes it uncomfortable; however, for the one left, it does feel good that the person who left you might have some regrets about it. When does that grieving and remorse stop? When you forgive yourself and can control your anger about it. There were things wrong in the relationship and you made a conscience choice to end the marriage with your wife. Both of you deserve the right to be happy with new people, both of you deserve the right to love and be loved as well as respected....just not with each other anymore. That was severed. Delayed grief will continue until you want to be happy in your life and you can be happy for her that she has moved on as well. It's what you both deserve and could not find with each other. 1
Tryin Hard 2 Make It Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 I would like to think i started mine when she told me "i love you but i am not in love with you". She told me she wanted her space and needed time to figure things out. I felt the hurt immediately and turned to friends, family, and Loveshack.org for help. I felt like i was in hell and at times and i had a lot of anxiety. After about 2 weeks of begging her back i soon began to realize the reality....I did not love her either and feared being alone for the rest of my life. I decided to take the first step (of the rest of my life) and *I* filed for divorce. I went to see a counselor and i cried a lot. I cried at work, in my car, in the shower, i was in soo much emotional pain. i did A LOT of reading and i was at the gym every morning and every night. It was hard but i got through it. I did get to hook up with some hot women while i was grieving and that helped at the time and a few of her friends also For me, it was Good Friday 2011 ...Ironic, huh? 1
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