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Posted

I'm not quite sure what to do with my ex. She dumped me a few months ago and went straight to another guy. This bothered me, but she recently told me that she is "neutral" towards him and she is only with him because she is too much of a "wimp" to dump him in person (she dumped me when I was 3000 miles away and wouldn't have to see me soon).

 

She still loves me. I still love her. So I asked her to dump this guy. She wouldn't but it wasn't because she didn't want to. So I told her I couldn't just be friends because it is too hard for me. She said that is childish, but I've gone no contact since then, 4 days ago.

 

But I don't know if that is the way to go. I read posts here about people who stuck it out and eventually the ex came back. Everytime we hang out together we come very close to hooking up, but don't because of the boyfriend. Should I stick it out and hope she can dump him eventually? It's hard on me to not be with her, and it really hurts to see her with the new bf, but we still care about each other. I'm worried that I will become just a normal friend to her if I am always there for her.

 

She is the type of person who needs to feel safe, even if it's not best for her. She is afraid of change, so she stays with this guy (who she works with and is afraid things will be awkward at work). This is why I think no contact won't work. She won't change or dump him if she doesn't think I'll be there for her. The only way for her to know that is if we talk. I figure I can wait and see if she dumps him over winter break when they are miles apart. But should I go no contact until then, or let her know I'm there for her?

Posted

If you stick it out just hoping that she will come back to you, it is going to drive you crazy.

 

But on the other hand, the point of initiating no contact should be to help you get over her.

 

I recently initiated no contact with my ex because he, too, was playing games. Not speaking to him has helped me to cope with our breakup and focus on my life as an independent person. And I am starting to let go of that hope that on day he will want me back. I realize now that, even though it hurts, I am better off without him.

 

I would say it is best to initiate no contact in a situation like this. It sounds like your ex is playing games. Think of it this way, if she really wanted to be with you, she would be. She wouldn't be wasting time with someone merely because she was "too big of a wimp to break up with him." Go and live your own life and move on. Don't let her keep you on a string.

Posted

i dont think u realize whats happened..

she dumped u for another guy, why are u even talking to her???

 

if she really loved u she would just dump this guy!! she wouldnt think twice about it....

it jus seems like she wants him and u at the same time, but mroe him, cuz he is her bf and ure not, maybe she just tries to make excuses for not dumping him to lead u on and keep u interested in her...

if i were you..iw ould initate no contact asap!! make her see ure Gone and u wont wait around until she dumps this new guy.....if she really loves u she will dump him and come after u , but so far i dont think she really knows...

and u are wasting time being around her, hoping she will dump him and being considerate of her despite the fact she broke up with u and soon went with soemone else...

 

its time u grow some balls:) sorry dont wanna sound mean, just wanna help and dont think this girl deserves u!

Posted

I agree with Starnette. Cut the threads and let this one go. At best you will be kept around as a "fallback" guy, and that should not be acceptable to you. The minute that someone dumps me for someone new, that relationship ends - no questions asked.

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Posted

Sorry I wasn't very clear in my post. She didn't dump me for him. It's not something I think, I know it. She didn't meet him til after we broke up. I know this for a fact. She said she just needed someone so she wouldn't have to deal with all the problems I do. But I don't know if that changes much.

 

Is there any way for me to know her, but not be a fallback guy? I've been going no contact and I told her it's to get over her. So she knows when we start talking again that my feelings aren't the same. And if I get a new girl, we'll be on equal footing. I think maybe that might make her realize that I won't always be there. But I wouldn't be able to use an innocent girl like that. But if I find a girl I really like, I might not care about her anyways.

 

The thing is, my relationships don't usually last long, a fault of mine, and I might be alone again and in the same place as now. It's hard to let go because she really was different than other girls I've dated, and she never acted like this until now.

Posted

b4 you get into a relationship with her or anyone else bc you said you have faults and it would be wise to address these b4 you lose another great girl!!!

 

and do not contact her !!!!

if she wants you she will find you....promise!

MOVE ON....then she will somehow make an excuse to call and you can say....well i really cant talk right now bc i have a new woman in my life and i want to respect our relationship! or mention you are talking to a new girl and you dont think it is ok to talk, but say you can email me if you need to....

 

if she gets jealous she will email you and will realize that she doesnt want to lose you...or she wont do anything and you can move on....

 

she will call if you do NC....she will be too curious why you are not trying to get her to dump her BF...besides if she is playing this guy for a fool (talking to you about the thought of breaking it off with him and that she is neutral) why would you even want a girl who has such low self confidence she needs to hold on to a guy that she talks about behind his back and thinks of dumping him but doesnt go talk to him about it

 

she is immature and i would not go out with her until she grew up anyway.

 

you deserve better!!!

 

MOVE ON AND DO NC!!!!!!!

Posted

F*ck it.

 

If you want to contact her, contact her.

 

If she responds well, you just saved a lot of time and worrying.

 

If she doesn't, to hell with her, why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to hear from you?

Posted

I guess I kind of agree with UCFKevin, too... While no contact can be good, do what makes YOU feel good. Don't over-think it. If you don't get the response you want when you are in contact with her, then let her go.

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