juliaY Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Hi everyone, I just stumbled upon this site and it has helped me a little deal with my own pain, knowing that so many others feel something similar and are going through something like I am. I was with a man for a year, but it was an intense relationship. I started out more indifferent than he because I was so afraid of getting hurt but then gradually fell very much in love with him. A few weeks ago, I found a receipt for condoms in his wallet and asked him about them. He answered that he was going to tell me that he wanted to be with other women and that he was sorry I found out the way I did. Well, we broke up that day and I told him I definitely did not want an open relationship with him. I was in shock and in a lot of turmoil because we had plans for several trips coming up. One of the trips was a vacation with our kids (we both have children) and after many sleepless nights, I decided I would still go with him on the trip, even though we broke up. I wanted to go because my kids were looking forward to the trip and I didn't want to disappoint them. But as you can expect, the trip ended up to be a disaster with me getting a hotel apart from him and his daughter for the final few nights. Now, I am back home, trying so so so hard to stay busy and to have NC but tonight I had a few glasses of wine and I texted him to say I missed him. He just responded: I feel so humiliated that I contacted him. I don't want to see him again, and so hurt by him. I don't understand how someone can suddenly cut off their feelings. Has he been distancing himself from me for a long time and I didn't know? How could I be so naive? I am suffering and in so much pain, it feels physical. My self esteem has plummeted and I don't know how to recover. He tells me he wants to be a part of our (me and my children) lives as a friend and I don't know if I can handle it. But I don't know if I can handle NOT having him and his child in my life anymore either. Both options (having him as a friend and not having him at all) sound horribly painful. How do I go through this NC thing when I still feel so in love? Do I trick my mind into thinking he is dead? How? I wish I had never met him, which makes me even sadder saying that. Would appreciate any advice, comments or slap in the face.
brokenheart20 Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Well first of all I think it was a blessing, you finding those condoms, you are so lucky you aren't still with him. His actions don't have anything to do with you i'm sure he would do that with anyone he was dating which is sad for him. You didn't do anything wrong and you can't feel bad about yourself for his careless actions. You two had different things in mind relationship wise and it's just too bad you didn't find out sooner and not respectful of him at all to just not tell you. As far as talking to him just try not to anymore, it's so hard not to i'm going through that myself right now and i'm only on day one but down the road you will thank yourself I promise. Anyways hope this helped a little, please don't let his careless actions make you feel bad about yourself if anything it just shows his true character..
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