Allora Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 (edited) So my ex dumped me a month ago and now I'm in the process of healing. I'm doing a relationship inventory which helps me reflect on the relationship and see it for what it really was and not just the good memories. By answering the questions from the inventory, I realized I compromised a whole lot and stayed with him when I should've left. Situations like: -He was being distant towards me saying that he's not feeling well, but he would flirt with another girl and his ex on FB -He wrote on his blog (which he was unaware of me knowing about) "F*** your emotions. You're just a pretty face and a good f***" When I confronted him about it, he said that was about his ex. That's a lie because he was a virgin before me. -He took a girl to some sort of club/rave. He doesn't know that she knows me, and she ends up telling me he was trying to dance with her. The next night he texted her sorry for trying to get close to her and that he was nervous around her. Why would he be nervous if he doesn't like her like he claimed when I confronted him? -Those all happened during the first year of us dating and it seemed like he was great the second year, but come to find out that he just hid things better the second year. There's several other situations similar to these, but the point is, for every situation I would forgive him and stay with him. I would first confront him about it, getting really upset, but when he reassures me that he loves me, I just forgive him. Even though my gut instinct keeps telling me that his excuses for those situations didn't make sense, I didn't listen. Part of the reason why I forgive him so easily because he seems like a good guy in every other way. He has a good work ethic and cares about education, well-mannered to adults and very helpful to anyone who needed help. He was there for me through everything (well until the end where he broke up with me). My belief was that I shouldn't let a good guy go just because he may be going through some "typical guy phases". I convinced myself that what he was doing is normal because he's a guy and he's only 20. Somehow I convinced myself that I was the one overreacting because what he was doing is normal and he's still a "good guy" at the end of the day. In my mind, I'm thinking that I compromised too much and should've walked away sooner. But I noticed there are also couples who last long and have a great relationship because they didn't give up when one of them messes up, they stick with each other and work through the obstacles. I want to know from you guys' point of view, how do you know when you should compromise, and when should you walk away? Edited August 4, 2013 by Allora
flitzanu Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 um no, there was no reason for you to be compromising. based on what you're saying he was very clearly pursuing other girls the whole time you were together, which just makes him a jerk, not a "20 year old guy".
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