new2dating Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 Hi Everyone: Just to give everyone an update on my saga: (see http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49479/ ) So after luke-warm correspondence through e-mail, I saw him Friday night at a party. One thing led to another, and we ended up at my place. We had sex. It was bad - no - terrible in fact. He was not good at all. And to boot, it was unprotected. And now, for my stupidity, I get to take the morning after pill and probably be sick all night. I am a total idiot. I see STD screens in my future... Warning, kids, do not try this at home.
Confused28 Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 That sucks. But, don't feel too bad, like I said to you in a prior post, I was single after being in an 8 year relationship and I was so confused about dating, that I would go home with guys too, and then think that meant we were in a relationship. That was totally incorrect. Make this a positive. look at it as a learning experience..... To start with, basically, you are teaching him that he doesn't have to call you or be in a relationship with you, yet you will still sleep with him. From my experience, most (not all) guys don't want to be a boyfriend with someone who slept with them right away. They will probably take you up on the sex, but I think they will think twice when considering you as a possible relationship (I've actually had guys tell me this). That usually means you have done that with others, and no one wants to be just another guy you slept with. So, just set some rules for yourself for the future. Unless all you want from a guy is to have sex, then don't have sex or go home with him unless he is your boyfriend. From my experience, people want what they can't get right away. Not trying to be manipulative, but I don't think having sex right away helps your case. Don't be too available, or desperate. Show him that he has to call you and date you before you are going to just sleep with him. I would recommend that you not call him unless he calls you. I think you are sabotaging yourself by making yourself so available. Don't call and he will start to wonder what is up with you and I bet he will call you. Again, not trying to be manipulative but there is something to say for trying no contact until he contacts you. Also, before having sex with anyone, ask them what their history is with STDs; some STDs can be spread without having actual intercourse. Make sure you have a plan regarding birth control and consult with your partner about it. Don't beat yourself up! We all make mistakes and then we learn from them! Confused28
bluechocolate Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Confused28 Don't be too available, or desperate. Show him that he has to call you and date you before you are going to just sleep with him. I would recommend that you not call him unless he calls you. I think you are sabotaging yourself by making yourself so available. thems is wise words I am a total idiot. Don't beat yourself up about it, we all make mistakes. You're just starting to date again so you'll probably make a few more. Forget about him until he calls you & then decide if you feel like seeing him again.
Author new2dating Posted November 2, 2004 Author Posted November 2, 2004 Thanks BC and Confused. I am trying to be pragmatic and not think of this as a big deal, but I really really hate myself. I felt so disgusting when I was having sex with him - like I was sleeping with him just because I felt I had to, like I needed some sort of validation. During the act I did everything to prevent myself from crying, even though i was dying inside. Sitting here feeling nauseated, not only from the morning after pill, but with disgust and self-loathing. I have absolutely NO interest in seeing him again - it will just remind me of my complete lack of judgment. I suppose I just don't feel worthy of anyone's love - I know I don't deserve it.
Guest Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 He's just not that into you. Sorry. Honestly, the way you talk you DO sound pathetic. I wouldn't want to date you. Who the hell wants to date someone who has a low opinion of themselves? Snap out of it. Start thinking you're terrific, or no one else will.
bluechocolate Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 I said don't go beating yourself up over it & there you go, beating yourself up over it ! Think of it as just a looonng hangover. You're gonna feel sick & you're gonna feel like dying but you know you're gonna live & you know you're gonna feel better and then you swear you're never gonna drink again .......
Confused28 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 new2dating, I hope you're feeling better today!! Today is a new day, do something for yourself to make you feel good. Go to the gym and break a sweat, I bet you will leave feeling exhilerated and like you accomplished something. Or, go shopping and get something you feel really good in. Go tanning, or do whatever it is that really makes you feel attractive and good about yourself. Seriously, don't be so hard on yourself. You are not pregnant, you don't have to ever see this guy again if you don't want to. There you go, that is at least a start to making yourself feel better, he can be out of the picture if you want him to be! Everything happens for a reason and I think you probably learned some things about dating and sleeping with someone. So, just look at it as a learning experience and be thankful that it can be over if you want it to be! Confused28
Confused28 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Originally posted by bluechocolate thems is wise words Thanks Bluechocolate!! I have always taken the conservative route when it comes to calling/contacting guys. I basically don't call them unless I am just returning a call of their's that I missed. I rarely initiate contact, unless we are a couple, of course, then it is totally different. But, in the courting process, I figure it is better to not appear so available. Worked so far!! Confused28
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