Woop1337 Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I met this woman at the store I work at. She was a customer and I got her number. 4 days passed and we met up for smoothie for 50 mins. During this time, the bantering was good. Unsolicited, she started to talk about relationships. Which was weird, cuz as a man I don't even broach that subject, in the beginning. Anyway, she said that her ex bf of 4 years, broke up with her last November. But immediately regretted it. And wanted to get back together. She said that they are always going to be best friends and will always love each other. Thy still regularly hang out, dinners, etc. At this point, I was turned off. We weren't even on a date. It was a pre date in my mind. I tried my best to divert the topic to something else. But she kept going. So I have two questions for the men and women of this forum. 1. Do you even try to overlook that issue, and go on with the dating process? Only known her for several days, but she seems like a cool person and she's pretty. 2. For the women, is it normal for women to stay friends with ex boyfriends? And I mean like best friends. Post the circumstances on why you remained friends with them.
MrTurk Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 2. For the women, is it normal for women to stay friends with ex boyfriends? And I mean like best friends. Post the circumstances on why you remained friends with them. I think some women are like that...they would rather be "friends" with the guy and it allows them to avoid the messy breakup situation. For some people its a psychological thing as well...giving them a power trip, making them feel they are the dominant one by having control of the relationship of someone that still likes them.
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 My two serious co-habiting exes, I'm not friends with either. The first, because we ran our course and we both ended up in new relationships by the time we were able to move out from our shared apartment, there's no bad blood there just no relationship or friendship at all anymore. The second, because he left me out of the blue one night after two years and neither of us made the move to manufacture a friendship. It would have been impossible for me anyway, due to the shock and the heartbreak. I'm glad that neither of them are in my life anymore cos I lived with them, I loved them, it would just not feel right to be mates again. But there's no drama. There's just nothingness. As for other guys I've dated, and the one dude I was the OW to, I've stayed in touch with most of them in one way or another. Basically comprises friends I was briefly FWB with, and one guy I had a six month open relationship with. I don't speak to any of them every day, I can't even think off the top of my head of one of them I speak to every week... but every once in a while we'll catch up, or go for coffee, or dinner, or have a chat on the phone... talk about anything and everything, including current relationships. I wouldn't really go out of my way to brag about it to a new partner though, that's just weird. I don't think she's over him, or she wouldn't bring him up to a new guy and talk about him so quickly! She isn't over him. Also it's almost impossible to go from relationship to a close genuine friendship without a break in the middle. All they've done is stop fking, they're still together essentially.
Menina Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 So I have two questions for the men and women of this forum. 1. Do you even try to overlook that issue, and go on with the dating process? Only known her for several days, but she seems like a cool person and she's pretty. 2. For the women, is it normal for women to stay friends with ex boyfriends? And I mean like best friends. Post the circumstances on why you remained friends with them. I find it normal for some people to remain friends with their ex my ex used to be friends with his ex, whom I personally knew and they even hung out together sometimes when she was home from college. However they became friends years after breaking up, which means they didn't have feelings for each other. What isn't normal is for someone to start talking about their previous relationship with a complete stranger. This is something you do when you still have feelings for your ex. It's obvious that they're still not over each other, and they're using the friendship excuse because they're still not ready to move on. Also, when I want to date someone I don't start by talking about my ex, if I'm still friends with my ex that's something that will come up as the relationship progresses, but my main focus would be the person I'm dating, not my ex. Back to my first sentence, women can remain friends with their ex, I wouldn't say that best friends but it does happens, however I don't think this is the case. I think that she's still in love with him and they still need some time to figure out their feelings and move on. 2
sdraw108 Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 It's not normal to talk non-stop about your ex who you still love and hang out with regularly, during a 50-minute first date (or pre-date), no. If it were me, I'd stay away. And I don't actually have a problem with girls who stay friends with their exes, as long as there's no romantic interest and she's trustworthy.
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