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Dating a Greek God of a good looking guy but unfortunately who is DUMB as well

sunshine001

By sunshine001
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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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My concern personally (aside from feeling a need to step in for someone who was getting piled on, because I've been there) was that people were harping way too much on her verbiage and not giving her any advice.

 

They were all focused on her calling the guy dumb. Poor choice of words, fine -- but she knows the guy, not us. Maybe the guy really is dumb and she just did a poor job of explaining why she felt that way -- but I digress -- people were focused on that and not providing actual solutions or advice to her problem, which was -- does she drop this guy she is very much physically attracted to because they are on different planes when it comes to personality/interests?

 

We have had 5+ pages now of people slamming her for calling the guy dumb. I would have thought by now the conversation would have switched back to the original topic.

 

Ha you spoke my mind :p

  • Like 1
sweetjasmine Established Member

sweetjasmine

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My concern personally (aside from feeling a need to step in for someone who was getting piled on, because I've been there) was that people were harping way too much on her verbiage and not giving her any advice.

 

There was no advice? How many people said to dump the guy already?

 

My advice remains the same: if you find yourself insulting the person you're with, especially to strangers, and if you find yourself embarrassed by having them around your friends, f-ing leave already.

  • Like 4
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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My concern personally (aside from feeling a need to step in for someone who was getting piled on, because I've been there) was that people were harping way too much on her verbiage and not giving her any advice.

 

They were all focused on her calling the guy dumb. Poor choice of words, fine -- but she knows the guy, not us. Maybe the guy really is dumb and she just did a poor job of explaining why she felt that way -- but I digress -- people were focused on that and not providing actual solutions or advice to her problem, which was -- does she drop this guy she is very much physically attracted to because they are on different planes when it comes to personality/interests?

 

We have had 5+ pages now of people slamming her for calling the guy dumb. I would have thought by now the conversation would have switched back to the original topic.

I agree that it got offtopic but as far as pile-ons go, this one is relatively tame - its barely a pile-on.

 

She shouldn't have labelled him dumb. It only makes her look bad, even to insignificant folks such as us. Me personally, I don't care, I said my advice. But I'm finding kinda funny that people are all of a sudden taking a stand when I've seen far worse pile-ons on others that nobody stepped in on.

  • Like 2
tbf Established Member

tbf

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Not being a condescending, judgmental d-ck doesn't mean "being PC" and "sugarcoating."

 

Hey, what's the matter? You guys can't talk about Old Norse noun declensions? How dumb ARE you? Sorry, you're offended? I'm just being honest and not-PC!

Boogie with me. Since this thread revolves around greekness, let's have a discussion about eudaimonia, switching perspectives between Aristotle, Plato and Socrates, ignoring Cleanthes with a passion.

 

Since we don't have to be PC about anything, anyone else who can't follow must be dumb or stupid. Right?

edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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Nobody is "judging" her. Can you not see that there is a difference between saying someones intellect lies in a different arena, and calling someone basically stupid?

 

Its the only criticism anyone even has - other than that, she's been supported in her wish to explore more intellectually compatible options. I want to know why you guys are so up in arms that she's being "attacked". I've read far worse on here.

 

I do see the difference but I have an impression her words were misconstrued. I have been in similar situations when I was younger where I dated really good looking guys and got frustrated that knowledge about diverse subjects didn't follow. I could see myself telling someone the guys were "dumb" - but it's a casual way of saying it. Obviously she thinks he has other redeeming qualities otherwise she would not have called him "brilliant". Maybe he is a brilliant actor or an emotionally generous human being... but he just lacks the kind of intellect she hopes for in a partner. I just think people here take things too literally and slam people too fast instead of trying to interpret posters' feelings.

 

Maybe I'm biased because a few people did exactly the same to me the other day - picked on my wording or what was really going on in real life, instead of answering my question without having the urge to de-legitimize what I said. Then I come here a week later and see the same thing with someone else...

  • Like 2
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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Well let it be a lesson to both you and the OP, a lesson I now live by - "pick your words wisely". I can understand that its annoying, but its best to learn, then you have less chance of being criticized for being abrupt or lacking the tact required.

 

I say this as someone who is very direct with my words naturally, but even I had to learn too. That's all it is.

  • Like 1
New User Established Member

New User

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I just don't see how someone who is frustrated about something HAS to write a perfectly coherent post. Okay - she contradicted herself, so what? It should not matter if the guy IS dumb or not... How is that relevant to her question at all? What matters is that she came here to get opinions on how HER perception of how the guy is in her view, is affecting and tormenting her.

 

 

 

Well...... One would expect a poster who is complaining of the alleged intellectual failings of her boyfriend compared to her own- apparently brilliant- intellect to at least write a coherent post. This doesn't really even address her rather disrespectful tone towards the guy. Expecting such arrogance to garner unicorn farts and rainbows as responses seems a little much.

 

I stand by my original answer- she should do the guy a huge favor and break up with him. No relationship is going to survive in any positive fashion a partner who obviously harbors such a huge amount of disrespect for their mate.

 

Oh, and being helpful doesn't always mean being nice and unquestioningly taking the side of the person requesting advice. Her post (and I am being polite here) at the very least suggests some pretty significant character flaws on her part (unless there is a language barrier- I'll resist the temptation to be snarky about the possibility of that being true due to her being from Britain/Australia).

 

"Tormenting her?" Really? That's hyperbolic to say the least. Even in her post there was no indication of him doing anything wrong. Being wrong for her- sure. Not in any way that required such judgmental and disrespectful language though. One would expect an "intellectual" to pick up on that and phrase things accordingly. Frankly, I'm much more concerned for the guy than for her and I have a difficult time mustering any sympathy for someone that seems so self-involved and dismissive towards a guy that simply appears to have different interests than hers.

 

OP- I hope that's helpful- even you don't think it's nice ;).

  • Like 4
edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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Ha you spoke my mind :p

 

And mine. Thank you. That's what I wanted to say, but obviously I am not as articulate. That's my whole point actually. Not everyone has to be super articulate to come here for advice.

  • Like 1
soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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They were all focused on her calling the guy dumb. Poor choice of words, fine -- but she knows the guy, not us. Maybe the guy really is dumb and she just did a poor job of explaining why she felt that way -- but I digress -- people were focused on that and not providing actual solutions or advice to her problem, which was -- does she drop this guy she is very much physically attracted to because they are on different planes when it comes to personality/interests?

 

We have had 5+ pages now of people slamming her for calling the guy dumb. I would have thought by now the conversation would have switched back to the original topic.

 

Well, it does appear that during the first page at least, people were giving her advice and questioning her regarding whether her observation of this guy was accurate or no.

 

There's nothing wrong with IDing the OPs observations of the guy. In a forum, one of the dangers is that the more detail you provide, the more scrutiny that may come with it. I have not read between page 1 and now, but if the focus has been solely around her characterization of this guy, then it is a shame, but typical on LS. Threads often degenerate...

 

Unfortunately, we can only make observations based on what the poster shares with us. In the end, she got some advice and then a lot more.

 

My issue with the OP's original post is that, based on her carefully and consciously drafted words, she made judgments based on her own perception and acceptance of what defines intelligence. The tone of her post was not innocuous, rather "judgmental" and "insensitive." She was clearly measuring her own acquisition of knowledge/intelligence against this artist's. His lack of participation and interest was used against him to broadly brand this individual as DUMB. I can understand why people would be offended and in the defense of this individual who is not able to defend himself. The OP's post is not about being Non-PC. It has nothing to do with being PC, though I wonder if some people believe if being non-PC is equivalent to be insensitive and dismissal of feelings....I wonder sometimes.

 

But, 5+ pages of this is a little too much.

 

The OP received some advice. Again, as I said earlier, this is a core value issue, imho. She should leave him as it would continue to dog her (unless he changes to satisfy her intellectual needs).

  • Like 2
Jane2011 Established Member

Jane2011

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I know who I'D rather strike up a conversation with.

And sister, it ain't you.....

I have no time for geek-nerds who speak tecchie and serious all the time.

You honestly sound like 'all work and no play'. Which to me - is BORING.

 

Because he found you BORING.... Ever think of that?

 

No not dumb.

He just rises above such anal discussions... he's an adventurer, a traveller.... had you discussed world-wide geography and travel, maybe he might have shown more interest....

 

 

Sooo...hang on....

 

he 'ticks all the boxes'....(see first paragraph, above) and is Mr Right,. and is on the same level of thought as you on so many things - but suddenly, you 'do not have a strong feeling about this guy'....?

 

That's the self-contradictory bit.

#Which then gets really patronising....

 

You think this about him?

While you're with HIM??

 

 

So tell me... what do YOU know about Art and Travel?

 

You need to do this guy a huge favour and break up with him.

he deserves someone a lot smarter and less boring and patronising than you.

 

How rude of you to even post this.

 

 

Sooo agree with all of the above.

 

I'd hate talking to people who talked almost solely about math, business, and goddamn start-ups, and thought that doing so was the criteria for a "smart" person.

 

What's ironic is that those things are like the least intellectual things in existence, and you're talking about them as if they indicate high education/brains.

  • Like 2
Jane2011 Established Member

Jane2011

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p.s. I read a few of the most recent posts just before mine, and want to say that the only reason I'm still getting on the OP's case for calling the guy dumb is that I haven't read the whole thread, nor do I feel like switching to whatever actual advice is needed. Just wanted to ridicule! Those of us who arrive late in the thread shouldn't be deprived of the chance to express initial outrage before the thread settles into "relevance."

 

Besides, once a person annoys me, I just don't feel like saying anything else.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Funny - that's exactly how I interpreted her post. So what if she didn't use the perfect words that people obviously expect around here?

 

I am sick of people being so judgmental here.

 

If you guys are SO intelligent as you think you are, why can't you interpret her post and simply answer her questions? Why people keep picking on words and contradictions? Arghhh. I almost have a feeling it's an OCD thing :rolleyes: or that people have been here too long and have an urge to pick on others.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The op said that because her boyfriend couldn't talk about start up companies and very specific intellectual topics, that he was DUMB.

 

That, in itself, is an incredibly dumb statement.

 

I am disgusted by the OP. And people like her.

  • Like 2
aussietigerwolf Established Member

aussietigerwolf

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Seriously, there's no need to be so rude and disrespectful. You can communicate that you're not sure about your intellectual connection without saying, "Man, my boyfriend is so freaking DUMB and has NO BRAINS!". To say that and to think about that constantly while still keeping the guy on the hook and leading him on is messed up.

 

I doubt any of you would appreciate your boyfriend thinking you're a dumb whore and wondering whether he should dump you or keep you around as a safety option even though you're, gosh, such a dumb whore. You'd probably want him to just leave you alone.

 

yep, totally my problem with it. also don't appreciate artists being considered dumb either...

Sunshine87 Established Member

Sunshine87

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Phew. I went to sleep and came back to find multiple pages about the use of her word "dumb". Lol

 

The reason why I can relate to what she is saying in because I dated someone who wasn't in the same field that I was. His family struck me as superficial because they cared more about beauty, make up, clothes etc. I always felt "too plain and boring " because I was in enrolled in law school, didn't wear much make up, didn't care so much about glamming up etc.

 

I remember sitting at a discussion table with them one day. I felt out of place. They were talking clothes, purchasing and selling clothes, etc. I had nothing to contribute to the discussion and felt like the odd one out.

 

The good thing about my ex was that he was a good conversationalist. Sure he wasn't working in my "professional " field but he was a very ambitious entrepreneur. He was good at his stuff even though he had bad grades at school and went to a pretty average university. He could have intellectual discussions about business and he could also discuss basic world affairs.

 

Sure there were some times when I wished that he was the guy who came back home in a suit after a hard day at work ( maybe a city investment bank or a private equity firm) but he had no deficiencies in the "intellectual area"- we simply had interests in different things. I learnt a lot about entrepreneurs entrepreneurship because of him and he learnt a lot about the professional industry because of me. He wasn't as superficial as his family.

tbf Established Member

tbf

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I remember sitting at a discussion table with them one day. I felt out of place. They were talking clothes, purchasing and selling clothes, etc. I had nothing to contribute to the discussion and felt like the odd one out.
Isn't this an example of how he might have felt, rather than the way the OP felt?
  • Like 4
ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

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Gee a few of the women here have been striking it good lately (though not the guys that are ticking 10/10 of their boxes). A guy who looks like a D&G model and wants to make love to you a lot. I would so love the female equivalent. lol. Reading your OP, I would be surprised if this guy is dumb, just into different things from you. I think you set the bar maybe a bit too high if you are benchmarking him with high end technology engineers/managers and people who are doing start-ups. A lot of people who are not dumb are not necessarily going to be totally engaged in discussions that go on and on about other people's new businesses, especially when they have no desire to kick start some new tech start up. I get the impression you are putting this guy down too much, and that he is just not good enough for you. You are incompatible. End of story. "I desperately want to dump this guy" + if you already look down on him for his intelligence...just break up with him. Nothing we say here will change your respect/love for this guy.

 

It is not like this guy is a crane operator on the docks or drives a taxi or is a security guard. I also admire a couple who takes time off to explore Brazil on bike. That's really great, and this guy has traveled to many countries (not just the usual English speaking tourist destinations) which I think says a lot about his character and desire to broaden his horizons and appreciate different cultures. (don't know how he has visited dozens & dozens of countries and yet still have 3 mths of holidays accrued)

 

What I find many people do when it comes to a partner is weigh up the + and - on the different facets of their life/character. You weight their attributes to how important they are to you. People will have a short coming in one aspect but they get a big tick on something else that makes up for it. It sounds like this guy gets a lot of ticks but really on one X, which is pretty damn good, but the one X is so obviously a deal-breaker for you, so C'est la vie.

Edited by ascendotum
Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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I cannot stand this bunk. Why do people act like having a good body makes someone stupid. Youve seen my posts here ES. Im certainly not stupid, and if you knew me in person youd very much know I am quite the intellectual chap. And ask the other women here who may have see my body. Im in pretty good shape.

 

I may be jumping the gun to take a bite off of what you said, but I just really dislike the stereotype that having a good body makes someone more likely to be dumb. Why cant we all just see it as some people being smart, and others not be as smart. Ive met smart people and dumb people among both the hotties and the not so hotties.

 

Kaylan, I don't thing she was stereotyping hard body good looking men as dumb. Not at all. I think she was stating if she had to pick one, intelligence, well rounded, over looks, the former would win.

 

I too have a "hard" body. 6 pack abs, I take care of myself, get lots of compliment son my looks, which is flattering, yet I am also intelligent, can carry a conversation, funny, witty, social, stable, etc. I hope nobody puts me into the dumb good looking jock bucket..if they do, their loss.

  • Like 2
Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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Posted (edited)
My concern personally (aside from feeling a need to step in for someone who was getting piled on, because I've been there) was that people were harping way too much on her verbiage and not giving her any advice.

 

They were all focused on her calling the guy dumb. Poor choice of words, fine -- but she knows the guy, not us. Maybe the guy really is dumb and she just did a poor job of explaining why she felt that way -- but I digress -- people were focused on that and not providing actual solutions or advice to her problem, which was -- does she drop this guy she is very much physically attracted to because they are on different planes when it comes to personality/interests?

 

We have had 5+ pages now of people slamming her for calling the guy dumb. I would have thought by now the conversation would have switched back to the original topic.

 

No disrespect MrCastle, I have seen you take a thread waaaay off topic many a time...why so passionaite about his one and protecting this young lady? I think the posts for the most part HAVE stayed on topic.

 

Intellectually if the OP and her Greek God are not on the same page, it may be a deal breaker unless they can find some common ground

 

I dated a Greek Goddess last year, literally born and raised in Greece. Hot, sexy, personal trainer, fit, loved her accent, all the men in the gym stared at her.....yet there was no intellectual compatability.....so I broke up with her. She was not dumb; we simply did not have much to talk about other than her, her, her and sex. Her idea of a night of fun was to sit in my house, have her cook dinner for me and just be "there"....boring.

Edited by Babolat
  • Like 1
anna121 Established Member

anna121

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I think when the entire premise of your post is about whether your boyfriend is smart enough - requiring one to accept the inference that you, indeed, ARE smart - you can expect the, um, actually smart people to pick the post apart.

 

She's gotten decent advice, plus a not-so-gentle reminder that she doesn't actually come across as "all that".

 

At least to some of us.

  • Like 1
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
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Kaylan, I don't thing she was stereotyping hard body good looking men as dumb. Not at all. I think she was stating if she had to pick one, intelligence, well rounded, over looks, the former would win.

 

I too have a "hard" body. 6 pack abs, I take care of myself, get lots of compliment son my looks, which is flattering, yet I am also intelligent, can carry a conversation, funny, witty, social, stable, etc. I hope nobody puts me into the dumb good looking jock bucket..if they do, their loss.

 

Haha, if only ladies on here saw your pics.....:cool:

 

I think though that MrCastle's posts were relevant in the thread. I don't think he is overly passionate about this topic in particular, he is just a passionate guy. That is a good thing :)

Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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Haha, if only ladies on here saw your pics.....:cool:

 

I think though that MrCastle's posts were relevant in the thread. I don't think he is overly passionate about this topic in particular, he is just a passionate guy. That is a good thing :)

 

Be careful who you send those pics too! I shared them with you only because you asked, and I respect you of course ;)

 

Which is why I said "No disrespect..... to MrCastle. I too am very passionate though I have to check that passion at times...I value his feeback and thing his replies are usually spot on.

 

The OP was attacked a bit here for her choice of words, agreed. Though I do think the message she delivered was a bit egotistical and selfish.

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

Posted
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Kaylan, I don't thing she was stereotyping hard body good looking men as dumb. Not at all. I think she was stating if she had to pick one, intelligence, well rounded, over looks, the former would win.

 

I too have a "hard" body. 6 pack abs, I take care of myself, get lots of compliment son my looks, which is flattering, yet I am also intelligent, can carry a conversation, funny, witty, social, stable, etc. I hope nobody puts me into the dumb good looking jock bucket..if they do, their loss.

 

I think if she had put it like that ("My boyfriend is very attractive, intelligent in his field, and passionate, but we have different interests and I don't feel like we mesh") we wouldn't have several pages of this.

 

However, it wasn't put that way.

 

I completely and totally take personality over looks. I think she should break up with him. There are tons of nerdy guys who want stable, 9-5 jobs and are more interested in serious lives where being intellectual is the norm.

  • Like 2
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
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Be careful who you send those pics too! I shared them with you only because you asked, and I respect you of course ;)

 

Which is why I said "No disrespect..... to MrCastle. I too am very passionate though I have to check that passion at times...I value his feeback and thing his replies are usually spot on.

 

The OP was attacked a bit here for her choice of words, agreed. Though I do think the message she delivered was a bit egotistical and selfish.

 

No worries, I don't share any pics that people send to me with anyone. I respect people's privacy ;)

  • Like 1
William Established Member

William

Posted
Posted

As the thread starter left the building and the thread ventured far afield of its original topic, we'll close this up.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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