Dating a Greek God of a good looking guy but unfortunately who is DUMB as well

[ThaWholigan]

I don't get why people are attacking OP.

 

So she called him dumb. She perceives him as dumb. She is lacking intellectual connection. That's all that matters. People are now talking about if he is objectively dumb or not That's not even relevant to the discussion.

 

Imagine if I started a thread where I talk about not finding a guy physically attractive. Then people started saying that he IS objectively very attractive. Irrelevant.

It was the contradiction, likely. Going from praising his brilliance to labelling him dumb. I think that intellectual connection matters, but she didn't say that . She just went from calling him brilliant and good looking to calling him dumb and that was it.

 

If she feels this strongly about his perceived level of intelligence, she should probably look at other options. I have no attacks for the OP, all I can say is there is a clear mismatch that is only being held together by the fact that he is good looking to her and they have a few other things in common. She practically made up her mind halfway through the post . She should go find a techie guy then if that is the case. Whether they'll be as hot as the Greek God of an artist will depend on her demographic and who she finds.

 

Either way, it's her prerogative, and far be it beyond me to chastise her for her idea of intelligence - rather encourage her not to belittle another person's idea of intelligence, albeit in the comfort of an anonymous forum.

[tbf]

business, startups and politics

 

I don't buy the "he's just not interested in the same things as you"

Business, startups and politics aren't intellectual topics.

 

Lack of broad cultural knowledge is a huge turnoff.

Neither is broad cultural knowledge.

[MrCastle]

Business, startups and politics aren't intellectual topics.

 

Neither is broad cultural knowledge.

 

I don't know if there are "intellectual topics," but rather topics that you either can or can't speak about intellectually.

 

I can have an intellectual conversation on the strategies and game planning of football. In the end it's a bunch of big guys tackling each other at full speed but that doesn't mean you can't say something smart or profound when it comes to that subject.

 

I can talk intellectually about film and plot structure, even if it's just some summmer action movie.

 

Maybe her issue with him is he's not articulate in fields she would like him to be?

[edgygirl]

Look, she said he was brilliant. Her own words... It's just baffling that she then goes on to call him dumb repeatedly.

 

I just don't see how someone who is frustrated about something HAS to write a perfectly coherent post. Okay - she contradicted herself, so what? It should not matter if the guy IS dumb or not... How is that relevant to her question at all? What matters is that she came here to get opinions on how HER perception of how the guy is in her view, is affecting and tormenting her.

 

I repeat - I am sick of people trying to analyze how OPs contradict themselves or not. Or if what they say is legitimate in real life or not. Who cares?

 

She came for help, our mission here is to help her, not to question her and try to de-legitimize her feelings. wth... Lately it's always the same thing around here. How is this whole thing even relevant to the discussion?

 

If one thinks it's rude to call someone who can't discuss certain worldly subjects dumb, then simply don't answer - as clearly they can't identify with OP.

[tbf]

I don't know if there are "intellectual topics," but rather topics that you either can or can't speak about intellectually.

 

I can have an intellectual conversation on the strategies and game planning of football. In the end it's a bunch of big guys tackling each other at full speed but that doesn't mean you can't say something smart or profound when it comes to that subject.

 

I can talk intellectually about film and plot structure, even if it's just some summmer action movie.

Define intellectually.

 

Maybe her issue with him is he's not articulate in fields she would like him to be?

Which is exactly what everyone else has pretty much stated. Different strokes. He'd waste her in his field(s) of expertise.

[edgygirl]

Business, startups and politics aren't intellectual topics.

 

I agree - and therefore I think everyone should be able to discuss them. A guy who can't talk about these topics, would turn me off. I've met a few. They were usually beautiful.

[amazingdrummer]

He is an artist. I bet if you met his friends and they talked about arts and world experience, you might be just like him with your friends now. The lacking of compatibility with gf's friends doesn't make a man dumb. Esp if he's not the kind of super extrovert guy who love to talk about everything, even the things he doesn't care at all.

[tbf]

I agree - and therefore I think everyone should be able to discuss them. A guy who can't talk about these topics, would turn me off. I've met a few. They were usually beautiful.

This makes absolutely no sense. "If you can't talk about the stuff I enjoy, you're stupid".

[sweetjasmine]

Imagine if I started a thread where I talk about not finding a guy physically attractive. Then people started saying that he IS objectively very attractive. Irrelevant.

 

A better analogy would be if you posted a thread saying that "OMG, this guy is soooo hideous and I was so irritated and embarrassed by how ugly he is - he's got brown eyes!!!! All my friends have blue eyes!!!!" when the guy is average looking and has nothing going against him except the color of his eyes. How about you just say "he's not my cup of tea" and move on without being insulting and condescending?

 

People are reacting to her labeling the guy dumb because he doesn't share some very specific interests. If she had said that she really liked this guy but wasn't feeling an intellectual connection and doesn't know what to do, the response would've been markedly different.

[MrCastle]

Define intellectually. [/Quote]

 

Dictionary defines it as: "capacity for thinking and acquiring knowledge, especially of a high or complex order; mental capacity"

 

I define it as being able to talk about things on a deeper level. Going to that next layer. Going beyond surface.

 

So, using my football example:

 

Surface: I like the Colts, they're a good team.

 

Next layer: I heard they use a 4-3 defense.

 

Deeper layer: Yeah, but I don't think their front line is strong enough to defend the run, I think the 4-3 defensive scheme doesn't fit with their personnel.

 

On the surface, many casual fans or anyone with any working knowledge can talk about what teams they like. But only football nerds and those who study the game are able to take it to the next level and talk strategy and whatnot, and some people like that or want that in a specific field.

 

For me personally, I very much value a woman who can speak about the arts (more specifically, film) in a deeper way. I'd much rather someone who can talk about character development as opposed to just "yeah I looove that movie because so and so is like so hot!"

 

If they can't talk about it on a deeper level, it doesn't mean they're dumb (OP's only slip up imo) -- it just means they don't care enough about that subject to look at it and speak about it in a deeper way.

 

Which is exactly what everyone else has pretty much stated. Different strokes. He'd waste her in his field(s) of expertise.

 

But she doesn't find his fields of expertise interesting so that's moot.

[edgygirl]

This makes absolutely no sense. "If you can't talk about the stuff I enjoy, you're stupid".

 

I didn't say anyone was stupid. I'm not sure how to say this in English, but in my country we have something called "general culture" - it's like the ability to talk about almost any subject, because one usually read a lot, or was around a lot and simply is versed in varied subjects. Is there a word for that in English?

 

As I am able to talk about many subject in a group setting, I also expect a possible partner to be equally cultured. But well maybe I am too picky.

 

To be fair, I didn't feel the same when I was 20. I would be silent when I didn't know enough about a subject. So maybe it's an age thing - when you get more mentally developed it's harder to accept someone who is not.

[tbf]

People are reacting to her labeling the guy dumb because he doesn't share some very specific interests. If she had said that she really liked this guy but wasn't feeling an intellectual connection and doesn't know what to do, the response would've been markedly different.

Absolutely. It's okay to need intellectual stimulation from a partner. Hell I'm huge on this, near sapio.

 

But to suggest that someone's dumb because they can't enter into conversations surrounding specific topics that might not be part of their interest matrix, where who knows, maybe he was feeling a bit shy around a close knit group of friends who are discussing definitively non-intellectual topics, is clearly an indication of the Dunning-Kruger effect.

 

This guy must be very creative to hold down a job in a highly competitive field. As a matter of fact, creativity is a substantial component of fluid intelligence.

[Eternal Sunshine]

A better analogy would be if you posted a thread saying that "OMG, this guy is soooo hideous and I was so irritated and embarrassed by how ugly he is - he's got brown eyes!!!! All my friends have blue eyes!!!!" when the guy is average looking and has nothing going against him except the color of his eyes. How about you just say "he's not my cup of tea" and move on without being insulting and condescending?

 

People are reacting to her labeling the guy dumb because he doesn't share some very specific interests. If she had said that she really liked this guy but wasn't feeling an intellectual connection and doesn't know what to do, the response would've been markedly different.

 

I am sure it would. But that IS basically the gist of what she said. So she failed to sugarcoat it and use PC terms. I don't have a problem with that.

[tbf]

I didn't say anyone was stupid.

All the rest of your post is irrelevant to the opening topic.

 

This is the header of the thread:

 

Dating a Greek God of a good looking guy but unfortunately who is DUMB as well

 

In English, the vernacular usage of dumb is equivalent to stupid.

[edgygirl]

If she had said that she really liked this guy but wasn't feeling an intellectual connection and doesn't know what to do, the response would've been markedly different.

 

Funny - that's exactly how I interpreted her post. So what if she didn't use the perfect words that people obviously expect around here?

 

I am sick of people being so judgmental here.

 

If you guys are SO intelligent as you think you are, why can't you interpret her post and simply answer her questions? Why people keep picking on words and contradictions? Arghhh. I almost have a feeling it's an OCD thing or that people have been here too long and have an urge to pick on others.

[ThaWholigan]

I am sure it would. But that IS basically the gist of what she said. So she failed to sugarcoat it and use PC terms. I don't have a problem with that.

So tact gets thrown into the skip and labelled as "PC" . Anything remotely diplomatic in nature is automatically called PC. Its even more amusing than the PC police!

[sweetjasmine]

I am sure it would. But that IS basically the gist of what she said. So she failed to sugarcoat it and use PC terms. I don't have a problem with that.

 

Not being a condescending, judgmental d-ck doesn't mean "being PC" and "sugarcoating."

 

Hey, what's the matter? You guys can't talk about Old Norse noun declensions? How dumb ARE you? Sorry, you're offended? I'm just being honest and not-PC!

[MrCastle]

Funny - that's exactly how I interpreted her post. So what if she didn't use the perfect words that people obviously expect around here?

 

I am sick of people being so judgmental here.

 

If you guys are SO intelligent as you think you are, why can't you interpret her post and simply answer her questions? Why people keep picking on words and contradictions? Arghhh. I almost have a feeling it's an OCD thing or that people have been here too long and have an urge to pick on others.

 

What?? Here? Never.

[ThaWholigan]

Funny - that's exactly how I interpreted her post. So what if she didn't use the perfect words that people obviously expect around here?

 

I am sick of people being so judgmental here.

 

If you guys are SO intelligent as you think you are, why can't you interpret her post and simply answer her questions? Why people keep picking on words and contradictions? Arghhh. I almost have a feeling it's an OCD thing or that people have been here too long and have an urge to pick on others.

Nobody is "judging" her. Can you not see that there is a difference between saying someones intellect lies in a different arena, and calling someone basically stupid?

 

Its the only criticism anyone even has - other than that, she's been supported in her wish to explore more intellectually compatible options. I want to know why you guys are so up in arms that she's being "attacked". I've read far worse on here.

[edgygirl]

In English, the vernacular usage of dumb is equivalent to stupid.

 

I said I didn't call him stupid. And even if she did call him that, my point was that it is irrelevant to pick on her because of it.

[sweetjasmine]

Funny - that's exactly how I interpreted her post. So what if she didn't use the perfect words that people obviously expect around here?

 

I am sick of people being so judgmental here.

 

If you guys are SO intelligent as you think you are, why can't you interpret her post and simply answer her questions? Why people keep picking on words and contradictions? Arghhh. I almost have a feeling it's an OCD thing or that people have been here too long and have an urge to pick on others.

 

People did answer her question. I don't think anyone disagreed, actually, with the advice that she should dump him. Obviously, no one should stay with a person they have zero respect for. Even if they're a "Greek God."

 

But is it a shock that people aren't going to respond kindly to someone being so disrespectful of a guy who did nothing wrong and who is -- aside from his lack of interest in business and start-ups -- "Mr. Right"?

 

Seriously, there's no need to be so rude and disrespectful. You can communicate that you're not sure about your intellectual connection without saying, "Man, my boyfriend is so freaking DUMB and has NO BRAINS!". To say that and to think about that constantly while still keeping the guy on the hook and leading him on is messed up.

 

I doubt any of you would appreciate your boyfriend thinking you're a dumb whore and wondering whether he should dump you or keep you around as a safety option even though you're, gosh, such a dumb whore. You'd probably want him to just leave you alone.

[kaylan]

Lol @ people white knighting OP after she showed a poor judgmental attitude. How dare anyone take issue with OPs assessment of the dumb greek demigod

 

lolz

[tbf]

I said I didn't call him stupid. And even if she did call him that, my point was that it is irrelevant to pick on her because of it.

Are we picking on her or are we "learning" her about the distinction between stupidity and different interests.

 

I'm uncertain why people are so upset about the teaching process.

[MrCastle]

Nobody is "judging" her. Can you not see that there is a difference between saying someones intellect lies in a different arena, and calling someone basically stupid?

 

Its the only criticism anyone even has - other than that, she's been supported in her wish to explore more intellectually compatible options. I want to know why you guys are so up in arms that she's being "attacked". I've read far worse on here.

 

My concern personally (aside from feeling a need to step in for someone who was getting piled on, because I've been there) was that people were harping way too much on her verbiage and not giving her any advice.

 

They were all focused on her calling the guy dumb. Poor choice of words, fine -- but she knows the guy, not us. Maybe the guy really is dumb and she just did a poor job of explaining why she felt that way -- but I digress -- people were focused on that and not providing actual solutions or advice to her problem, which was -- does she drop this guy she is very much physically attracted to because they are on different planes when it comes to personality/interests?

 

We have had 5+ pages now of people slamming her for calling the guy dumb. I would have thought by now the conversation would have switched back to the original topic.

[ThaWholigan]

I said I didn't call him stupid. And even if she did call him that, my point was that it is irrelevant to pick on her because of it.

Why is it irrelevant?