mke11190 Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 (edited) Hey all - I'll get straight to the point. I'm a 22 year old gay male. Basically I'm in a long distance relationship (this question doesn't have to do with that, though, which is why I didn't post in the LDR forum) with a really great guy I've known for about 11 months now. He's truly kind, caring, and he loves me, but last night I found information about him that has made me feel really....weird, and sort of upset. I found out that he goes on a video camming site and has visual cyber sex with other guys. When I asked him about this at first he denied it. Then i was a little more persistent with the question, and he said things like, "I don't go on them anymore. They mean nothing to me. I love you." and all, but he wouldn't say if he'd been on the sites since we started dating, he wouldn't say yes or no. So I pushed a little farther and he finally admitted to it, saying the last time he went on was the end of May and that'd he'd been on a few times (though he could be lying about how many times he went on...) He apologized profusely, said he felt really bad about it, and talked about how it was more of an 'exhibitionism' thing moreso than 'sex', how he didn't think it was 'cheating' and how he considered it the equivalent of porn, and how he wouldn't mind if I did it....He also said he'd never do it again, even though to him, it wasn't a big deal or wrong. I just feel really...weird about it. I don't know if I'm being too dramatic or what, because on one end of the spectrum it really could be just like interactive porn, I don't know if he's typing to these people or talking, showing his face or what, but on the other hand he IS doing sexual things with another person....it's just through a computer screen. It makes me feel really insecure and bad. We never really set boundaries for what we can and can't do, so there's also that, but I did ask him a while ago if he goes on these sites and he lied and said no, as well. So I don't know.... Is this considered cheating? Should I forgive him and move on? *note: this is his first "serious" relationship, and first relationship with a guy Edited August 4, 2013 by mke11190
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Yeah this doesn't sound good...including being in a LDR. I think this guy is going to do more fooling around and continue camming, he obviously gets off on it and loves the attention and being an exhibitionist....you never set boundaries but he's also already broken trust not being honest/open about this. You're just both too young for this kind of a relationship IMO, this LDR...I think this has the potential to get very messy and the trust just won't ever be there.
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