GG3 Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I've met someone that I'm interested in who has been making it clear that he is interested in me. I gave him no clues that I was interested, because I knew that he had a girlfriend by looking him up on FB. One day he asked me to lunch and started asking introductory questions, like someone who was interested in dating me. I wasn't sure what he was trying to do, so I remained standoffish. He looked me up on FB and sent a friend request and that's when I was able to subtly ask who the woman was. He said it was his girlfriend. So he readily admitted it. Since then, we have talked a bit more and started flirting. He hasn't tried to touch me or come on to me or anything. So I haven't figured out if he is (a) a dirtbag who wants to keep his girlfriend and cheat on her and is just "looking for s*x" (b) things aren't working out with his girlfriend © he is doing the GIGS (not saying I'm better than her, just saying it's an option) Anyone here ever been in this position? My plan is to bring it up if he flirts again soon, which he will and say, "You have a girlfriend!" or "Why are you doing this when you have a girlfriend?" I'm thinking this will set a boundary if he is just looking to cheat and open the discussion of what is going on there. From the looks of it, they haven't been together a full year.
curlygirl40 Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 If you think he's crossing a boundary from friends to flirting, then it doesn't really matter WHY he's doing it, does it? He's not available. And if he is flirting and coming on to you when he has a girlfriend, that is BS behavior and I wouldn't give him another thought. It doesn't show great character no matter if he's someone that can't be alone so he's jumping from girl to girl or if he's looking to cheat, either one of those scenarios is very unappealing behavior. Not sure why you'd be interested at all. It's not your job to say to him 'what would your girlfriend think of that?' or anything of the sort. Just ignore him.
curlygirl40 Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 One day he asked me to lunch and started asking introductory questions, like someone who was interested in dating me. I wasn't sure what he was trying to do, so I remained standoffish. He looked me up on FB and sent a friend request and that's when I was able to subtly ask who the woman was. He said it was his girlfriend. So he readily admitted it. Since then, we have talked a bit more and started flirting. Going out to lunch with him and being in touch a lot and flirting is not being 'standoffish'. Have some respect for his girlfriend (and for yourself) and leave him alone. Just my 2 cents
Author GG3 Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 Initially when we went to lunch I thought it was just out if friendship. I have some male friends that truly are just friends and have never flirted or hit on me.
Knoxpwns Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I have some male friends that truly are just friends and have never flirted or hit on me. That's pretty much the exact line my ex gf would use on me to argue why it's ok she talked with some guy online so much. She dumped me for that guy. Show his girlfriend and yourself some respect and leave them alone. if they end up breaking up, then maybe down the line you can talk with him again. Forcibly driving a barrier between him and his SO is wrong. Even if YOU have no intentions, if he does than you humoring him only drives a wedge between them further. It's not right. Give them space imo
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 It could be a combination of a,b,c but that's really nothing that concerns you, the fact of the matter is he is looking to cheat at this moment, doesn't guarantee anything for you..he might say they're on a break or things are going really badly but don't be surprised if he doesn't after he's had his fun. You shouldn't be asking or wondering why, that has nothing to do with you and changes nothing...that just leaves you open to being lied to and manipulated, you should be saying no thanks and walking away, ignoring his advances...otherwise you're asking to be made a fool, but some women are ok with that. Just because he's being honest about having a GF while still hitting on you...doesn't mean he's going to be honest with everything else, he's just offering that up. He also doesn't have to be a complete idiot and make obvious advances, he's already taking his time breaking you down...he's in no rush, he's already in a relationship.
FitChick Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 He could be the type who doesn't leave one person unless he has another lined up. That doesn't mean it couldn't work out; they are afraid of being alone. Of course he could be like a lot of married men who tell you up front they are married and still come on to you. It gives them an out later when you demand more of their time, "But you knew I was married." 1
Author GG3 Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 Of course he could be like a lot of married men who tell you up front they are married and still come on to you. It gives them an out later when you demand more of their time, "But you knew I was married." I was kind of thinking it could be that.
Menina Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I once started seeing someone who after a month told me that he had a GF. He also said the typical excuses: "we're having problems, I'm planning on leaving her, yadda yadda". At the time I was naive and didn't care much since he was the type of hot guy who knows he's hot and likes the attention, that's why I always knew that 'us' wasn't going to last. As usual, he never left his GF while we saw each other and things between us faded, as predicted. Now, I've learned my lesson, I would not go out with someone who's married or in a committed relationship, out of respect for the other person and out of respect for me. I don't think people who cheat are evil bastards, I don't even believe monogamy works for everybody, however if I'm attracted to someone in a relationship, and the attraction is reciprocated, I would stop seeing that person until he truly breaks it off.
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