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Would you ever ask to meet someone through OLD that you haven't seen pic of

curlygirl40

By curlygirl40
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curlygirl40 Established Member

curlygirl40

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I'm sure the answer from most of you will not only be NO but HECK NO.

 

I am in relationship recovery I guess you could say, so I'm not really dating right now. But I jumped back on OKCupid just out of curiosity.

 

I hadn't been on the site in months. I took down my pics and erased most of my profile so it was very sparse. My questions and answers were still up there as well as the other details, age, height, etc.

 

I figured this way I could browse kinda anonymously.

 

Last night I get a message from what seems like a good guy, good pics, etc. I answered him mostly just to be nice. We bantered back and forth for a while. I told him I was in relationship recovery and wasn't sure if I was ready to date.

 

Well at the end of the evening, he asked me if I would like to get together.

 

I thought maybe he remembered me from the last time I was on the site so I joked about that, but he said no. He said I just seemed like a nice person.

 

So honestly, this guy asked me out having no idea what I look like. Odd??

 

Is that something any of you have done? Would do?

PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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I used to have profiles with very, very little information and I still got contacted. I think the guys are just using the shotgun method. They're probably doing it, because they received so little responses back.

Ninjainpajamas Established Member

Ninjainpajamas

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I think he's seen you before when you had pics, maybe had you favorited.

 

This is not something I've gone out and done myself, I think maybe way back in the day I looked at profiles with no pics, but not anytime recently.

 

I've been messaged by women with no pics before and I have met a few people or something like through my history of online dating that I didn't see their pics beforehand, I was merely going off the flow of the conversation/chemistry there but i didn't have any high expectations or knew I would be attracted at first, but I'm pretty sure they sent me some kind of pic before actually meeting them..otherwise IF not I just took it as a low expectations meet that was casual and not so serious and I was just feeling spontaneous, after all I have to be physically attracted in the end...not necessarily wow'd but I think I recall meeting a few that were definitely not my type and others that were a pleasant surprise, but it wasn't many people.

 

Some people aren't comfortable putting their pics online because of professional reasons or what not, and they can just send you one through the phone or something like that, which is fine.

ja123 Established Member

ja123

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I'd do it. But, then, I'm atypical. It would be like a grab bag.

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carhill Established Member

carhill

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Probably circumstantial, as it was a long time ago when photographs had to be scanned (before digital cameras were widely affordable), but I did ask to meet someone before seeing a picture of her and, though I did end up seeing a picture of her and her daughter before traveling to meet her, she would become a wonderful lover and fond memory of my life.

 

I don't mind meeting people, in general, who haven't provided images; it's just a meeting. In fact, I met a LS'er under such circumstances. People are people. Images are images. Good luck.

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fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

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On a dating site? No. Maybe if I met them anonymously through an internet forum or something and there was more of a rapport.

 

I almost met someone off of Okcupid who had photos up, but none of her face. She clearly wasn't fat or anything because they were full body photos, but she just didn't show her face. She ended up not wanting to meet up so I never discovered why she didn't show her face.

white Established Member

white

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I would if she seemed cool. But I don't online date, so it's academic. What I do know is that if I chose to start online dating tomorrow, I have no suitable pictures of myself and there's no way I'm taking a selfie, so I'd have to go pictureless, at least for a time.

 

Out of interest - for online daters, exactly how businesslike is the whole affair? I mean for example, could you not just say to the person, "sure we can meet up because you sound cool but if you're hiding anything and I don't fancy you I will say so and get out of there", and then they can decide if they are hiding something? Sounds mercenary, but that's my impression of OLD anyway.

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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I used to have profiles with very, very little information and I still got contacted. I think the guys are just using the shotgun method. They're probably doing it, because they received so little responses back.

 

 

Out of curiosity how come you did that? Not trying to harp on you or anything, I have noticed several women doing that. I mean you put that profile up knowing it wasn't conducive to you meeting the right guy... Why even bother with OLD at all in the first place then, if that was where you were?

 

To answer the OP, no I have not contacted a woman who did not have any pictures up. I have contacted women who have great pics (read: just my physical type) but little text. If you don't want to date why even have your profile up in the first place? I mean, isn't that the only logical thing to do? :laugh:

Edited by Imajerk17
Ninjainpajamas Established Member

Ninjainpajamas

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I would if she seemed cool. But I don't online date, so it's academic. What I do know is that if I chose to start online dating tomorrow, I have no suitable pictures of myself and there's no way I'm taking a selfie, so I'd have to go pictureless, at least for a time.

 

Out of interest - for online daters, exactly how businesslike is the whole affair? I mean for example, could you not just say to the person, "sure we can meet up because you sound cool but if you're hiding anything and I don't fancy you I will say so and get out of there", and then they can decide if they are hiding something? Sounds mercenary, but that's my impression of OLD anyway.

 

Quite the charmer aren't you?

 

I think that would be very rude and presumptuous of you to say to the person you are about to meet who could in fact be very attractive/compatible, that If you're hiding something or you don't fancy them you will walk immediately.

 

That's just not a very friendly or an appropriate attitude, she's a person with feelings...regardless of whether you find her appealing or not, you treat her with respect and kindness, not because you want to take her home but because there's much better ways of communicating or excusing yourself out of a situation while still retaining your dignity.

 

No one is forcing you to be attracted, no one is forcing you to be interested or compatible...it's dating, it's not easy but it doesn't have to be this eat-your-face-off feeding frenzy where everyone feels judged and disrespected...that's up to you, you can't control how anyone else acts but you also only represent yourself...not other people, I don't act a certain way to try and impress anyone.

 

OLD from my experience is what you make it...it doesn't mean it's always going to be sunshine and rainbows but like they say, treat people with the respect you'd like to be treated with...regardless of someone is rude, blows you off, hurts your ego or pride with a stiff rejection.

 

I think the problem is people have these really high expectations, nerves and negative attitudes towards OLD, like it's some foreign plant where you've got to hit the jack-pot on the first roll of the dice, that only the lonely and desperate resort to after many failed real-life romantic pursuits...sorry to burst your bubble, but they are in fact people just like you or even better than you, and even many people that may even surprise you...your own insecurity and "stranger danger" attitudes are your own, a lot of people meet great people through OLD and for them it's just another social outlet.

 

I'm not saying you have to do it, or like it, it's definitely not for everyone and can be a real downer...but if you do, definitely post a pic, but I would definitely be a lot less "business-like" and a lot more human-like.

white Established Member

white

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Quite the charmer aren't you?

I don't online date because it all seems this charmless. I'm suggesting a scenario. Remember you started this.

 

I think that would be very rude and presumptuous of you to say to the person you are about to meet who could in fact be very attractive/compatible, that If you're hiding something or you don't fancy them you will walk immediately.

 

That's just not a very friendly or an appropriate attitude, she's a person with feelings...regardless of whether you find her appealing or not, you treat her with respect and kindness, not because you want to take her home but because there's much better ways of communicating or excusing yourself out of a situation while still retaining your dignity.

My dignity's always intact. The difference between you and me is that you see a clear, honest statement like my question above as unkind, but never contacting the people you date off these sites again if they don't fit your template somehow as... kind?

 

Whereas I see them as the same, except my scenario is honest and saves time. They have no picture. They know if they're hiding something or not. They get the chance to admit it and save face, or insist they just don't have a good pic. Nobody on your god damn sites is there for charity work, going on dates with trainwrecks for good karma. You're all there at your digital meat market/smorgasbord to meet attractive people. Apparently you've started believing your own act of serially dating and dropping. You aren't being kind or respectful. Going through the rigmarole of setting dates, meeting, then dropping one after the other after the other is not you being a ****ing samaritan and considering their feelings, any more than you getting dropped over and over and over is respectful of you. If anything, my suggestion is closer to that ideal. Your concepts of respect, fairness, kindness - they are questionable.

 

No one is forcing you to be attracted, no one is forcing you to be interested or compatible...it's dating, it's not easy but it doesn't have to be this eat-your-face-off feeding frenzy where everyone feels judged and disrespected...that's up to you, you can't control how anyone else acts but you also only represent yourself...not other people, I don't act a certain way to try and impress anyone.

But that's exactly what it is. Shall we take a poll here, on this forum, how many people feel their online dating experience does not involve being judged and doing the judging? If they always felt "respected" (starting to find this word creepy now)? How about whether it's frenzied or not, shall we poll how many dates through OLD people went on in the last year, what the turnover is on successful ones, how many people they see simultaneously... are you really now going to claim it ISN'T "a numbers game" after all?

 

OLD from my experience is what you make it...it doesn't mean it's always going to be sunshine and rainbows but like they say, treat people with the respect you'd like to be treated with...regardless of someone is rude, blows you off, hurts your ego or pride with a stiff rejection.

I'd expect the respect to be told before I pretty myself up and drag myself off to a date with someone I've never met before what the standard was so I can decide if I measure up. Not waste both our time because I lie or omit the truth or only take pictures from certain angles (or no picture at all), get to the date, see their face fall, have an awful evening and then never hear from them again and contemplate suicide. That's what I'd like to be treated with. My question merely treats someone else (without a picture) the same way. I read non stop here about your online dating and honestly it seems like a ****ing pit, a black hole, of despair and abuse the likes of which I'm starting to wonder may be psychologically ruining an entire generation, and no-one's even noticing. It's a real insight. Thank you for your contribution.

sillyanswer Established Member

sillyanswer

Posted
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I'm sure the answer from most of you will not only be NO but HECK NO.

 

I'm waiting for Carhill to show up with a story from back in the old days before the Internet, perhaps before cameras, when you were lucky if you even saw a bad oil painting before deciding to go on a date. :D

 

Anyway, with today's technology, put me in the HECK NO camp.

 

Edit to add: oh, I see he's already given us that story. :)

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curlygirl40 Established Member

curlygirl40

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sillyanswer, bad oil painting. lol funny

 

Lots of responses that I didn't expect, I think it's good that people are open minded and could go with a 'nothing to lose' type of attitude. I'm not sure if I could do it.

 

And to answer someone's question, I am not quite ready to jump back in but wanted to browse and figured with no pics and a sparse profile no one would even notice me and I could get away with it without wasting anyone's time.

 

Ninja I also wondered if maybe in the past he had favorited me or messaged me or rated my profile so even if he doesn't remember what I look like he knows that at one time he had some interest. It would make sense

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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I would ask him to take current pix of head and body before we met. I just "dumped" someone because he said he didn't have any pix taken in the last ten years, just a "business" head shot which could have been grabbed from someone's LinkedIn profile or any website. He claimed he wasn't photogenic.

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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I have contacted someone based on the profile alone, but never met w/o having a good idea of what they look like after having received a photo later.

 

It doesn't make sense in the end to meet on a BLIND date when you don't have to. There should be no excuse for not having a picture or two or more now days.

Gottabestrong Established Member

Gottabestrong

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

So honestly, this guy asked me out having no idea what I look like. Odd??

 

Is that something any of you have done? Would do?

 

Yes, actually. That is how I met my ex-boyfriend last year. I had taken off the pictures on my profile because I had started talking to a few guys and did not want to receive new messages.

 

Well, this guy writes to me, he sounded fun, intelligent and we had a lot in common. So I replied and after a few messages he asked if I wanted to get together. I asked him if he did not want to know what I looked like, but he said it did not matter to him, because I sounded cool and he just wants to meet new people.

 

Well, we met and he was as nice in person as in his profile. We fell in love quickly and dated for 6 months. It ended because of me moving for work, but not because we fell out of love.

 

Anyway, what I am saying is that he contacted me because he liked my username and what I put in my profile. He genuinely did not care what I looked like, though he admitted that he was very happy when we met and I turned out to look 'gorgeous'.

 

So my advice to you is to give it a try. If he sounds nice and you enjoy talking to him, meet him for a coffee. You never know!

 

Good luck!

Edited by Gottabestrong
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Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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I have CG...I was pleasantly surprised too.. we dated for about 5-6 months after the first date, she didn't have her pic online as she was a xray tech for a children's hospital and was protective of her privacy.

 

To flip that I have also met women who did have a pic and then I find out after the meeting the pic was 10 years old or they were in a different body at the time the pic was taken.

 

pics mean nothing in the end if they are not current..

 

There is also nothing wrong with shooting him a pic of you if you want to meet.

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PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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I hope you do not not continue believing that he might be Mr. Perfect-For-You, who just couldn't resist your profile for some strange unknown fateful reason despite it being so sparsely filled, because I got contacted various times when my profile was empty. Like, zilch, nothing, nada, niente. Never filled out anything and never will.

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