sadwithouthim Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 So, it's the latest crying bout..it seems to be getting harder lately. I think at first I was in denial that he would stay away since he had reinitiated contact numerous times before (I think 12 days was longest NC before this). I know I can eventually move past this, but it's excruciating when it's "on". It's like the emotions build up, and there is nothing to do but cry to feel relief, then okay again for a short time. I feel so needy right now, and just plain hurt. Today was a really hard day at home (my husband was hateful and abusive), and I don't have OM anymore to make it all better. I do realize now that he was holding me back to making changes and standing on my own 2 feet, but I'm truly crushed. Just the sound of his voice could take all the pain away in an instant. Then, the "I love you" could have me on Cloud 9, not a care in the world. I keep playing the song in my head Alicia Keys - If I Ain't Got You Lyrics - YouTube Music is my favorite thing in the world, but I can hardly enjoy it since NC. Just about any song makes me want to cry. I have to stop checking email as often. The disappointment of seeing none is awful. I was making copies of his blogs tonight to save them. I don't ever want to actually forget all our memories. I haven't been able to pull out (of my work drawer) all the handwritten letters and momentos. I just can't yet. Thanks for all your support, wishing everyone well.
fanine Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 So, it's the latest crying bout..it seems to be getting harder lately. I think at first I was in denial that he would stay away since he had reinitiated contact numerous times before (I think 12 days was longest NC before this). I know I can eventually move past this, but it's excruciating when it's "on". It's like the emotions build up, and there is nothing to do but cry to feel relief, then okay again for a short time. I feel so needy right now, and just plain hurt. Today was a really hard day at home (my husband was hateful and abusive), and I don't have OM anymore to make it all better. I do realize now that he was holding me back to making changes and standing on my own 2 feet, but I'm truly crushed. Just the sound of his voice could take all the pain away in an instant. Then, the "I love you" could have me on Cloud 9, not a care in the world. I keep playing the song in my head Alicia Keys - If I Ain't Got You Lyrics - YouTube Music is my favorite thing in the world, but I can hardly enjoy it since NC. Just about any song makes me want to cry. I have to stop checking email as often. The disappointment of seeing none is awful. I was making copies of his blogs tonight to save them. I don't ever want to actually forget all our memories. I haven't been able to pull out (of my work drawer) all the handwritten letters and momentos. I just can't yet. Thanks for all your support, wishing everyone well. I can imagine you feel hurt. He obviously meant a great deal to you. But when you can you should start trying to put your all into sorting out your marriage once and for all. This really should be,a wake up call for you. Otherwise there will be another man down the line you will try and lean on, and it would be unfair on him too. We only have one life. You deserve happiness. Get your friends and family to help you get out of this marriage if he is indeed abusive. Why do you stay with him? Fear of the unknown. If you are staying because you are scared, it is only going to get worse and no one deserves to be in that situation. Good luck. 1
Silly_Girl Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Aw, I know that grief. It's unlike anything I experienced before because I couldn't understand it, it was unexpected, it felt unnatural, and most of all someone was CHOOSING for it to happen. That blew my mind. Are you doing all the textbook 'love yourself' stuff that seems like a cliché but is do true?!! Walking, exercising, seeing friends, doing things that distract you, cooking nice meals, pampering yourself, reading lighthearted stuff etc etc.... They say time is a healer, but it depends what you fill that time with
thefooloftheyear Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 If you have any kid(s), take the displaced love and adulation and give it ALL to them....They will appreciate it most and you will feel so much better... You have to let NC run its course...It wont be easy, but youll get there..Then, like the others have said..deal with your marriage..Dont be afraid to "back burner" your marriage for a while to deal with this issue. You need to get over the lost relationship first and put yourself in a healthy place.. The journey had begun..Stay with it and dont look back... TFY
Ladydrib Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I have to stop checking email as often. The disappointment of seeing none is awful. I was making copies of his blogs tonight to save them. I don't ever want to actually forget all our memories. I haven't been able to pull out (of my work drawer) all the handwritten letters and momentos. I just can't yet. Thanks for all your support, wishing everyone well. The trick is not to stop checking emails, because as long as you hope that he will contact you, you will not stop checking. The trick is to accept that he's not going to contact you. And then you will check less. And when you check and it's empty, you won't hurt, rather you'll feel validated for having predicted accurately that you would not have an email from him. Another thing you want to think about and that you'll have to remind yourself of constantly is that he was not healthy for you anyway. He caused discord and was toxic. Not because of who he is, rather because it's the nature of an affair. So you will be better off without his emails.
Praying4Peace Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 ((((Sadwithouthim)))) Please figure out this Marriage you are in. Have you been to counseling? If he won't go to MC, you go to IC. In fact, I think IC is the better choice for you right now because then you will make further decisions from a healthy and confident place. I can read in your messages how much pain you are in. Just know how you feel is normal. A's have very common themes but they also can have differences so your healing time may be very different or longer than another's. In your situation, each of you thinks the other ended it. You in fact ended the Affair, but the feelings and relationship did have a life of their own. I hope you find happiness soon. It's easy to live in a roommate type situation but harder once you "know better" Keep venting, we won't get sick of it.
Goodbye Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 (edited) Sad, I don't have any great advice, just wisdom...that it does get easier. I am a divorced woman, so I didn't have to contend with a husband at home while going through the A and break up with exMM. That must make it all so difficult because you have to hide all your pain. I did have to put on the stoic face around my kids, but on the weekends when they were with their dad I'd stand in the shower and cry, cry, cry. I went back and forth with NC since March. It took about 2 1/2 months for me to really feel like I was not volatile...at risk of crying at the drop of a hat. I'm a lot more stable now, and I've gained a lot of perspective. Try and stay busy for long periods of time...plan outings where use of your phone cannot happen. In the early weeks, my Iphone made me insane...checking my emails constantly to no avail. Hang in there. You can do it...whatever "it" means. You will heal. Edited August 5, 2013 by Goodbye 2
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