CrimsonEmber Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Hi again, I posted about my cheating bf about a week back. And I had a long talk with him. A long, angry talk. I was set on breaking up with him. But the way he backed down in the face of my anger (If you knew him, he is a very prideful person, and this has NEVER happened before. He showed me he valued me in a way that meant a lot.), convinced me to let him speak. He admitted everything he had done wrong, and apologized in a way he had never done before, and has since talked to me in a way which shows that he truly does value me. He has agreed to change, and I would like to give him that oppurtunity, as I like to believe in the ability of people to change their behavior if an important enough reason is given. I would ask that please, no one reprimand me in that respect. I understand that forgiveness is not holding something over someones head. I can't keep shoving his mistakes in his face if he is truly trying to change. Its the only way for this to heal, and we both know its going to be a long road. However, Im not dumb enough not to look over my shoulder and be on my guard for a while. Trust is hard enough to rebuild, my problem is how do I get rid of this anger and hurt? If I truly am to forgive him, how do I get over this? I realize part of it relies on him to again make me feel safe and secure to open up my heart again, but how do I reconcile the fact that I was so badly betrayed? Im facing the emotions, I just dont know how to deal with them in a way that wont be detrimental to the relationship we're trying to rebuild. Because I believe it can be worth it.
keepontruckin Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Well, I don't think there's much one can do to hasten the rebuilding of trust, except to allow for time to do its work.
JustAReformedGirl Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Hi again, I posted about my cheating bf about a week back. And I had a long talk with him. A long, angry talk. I was set on breaking up with him. But the way he backed down in the face of my anger (If you knew him, he is a very prideful person, and this has NEVER happened before. He showed me he valued me in a way that meant a lot.), convinced me to let him speak. He admitted everything he had done wrong, and apologized in a way he had never done before, and has since talked to me in a way which shows that he truly does value me. He has agreed to change, and I would like to give him that oppurtunity, as I like to believe in the ability of people to change their behavior if an important enough reason is given. I would ask that please, no one reprimand me in that respect. I understand that forgiveness is not holding something over someones head. I can't keep shoving his mistakes in his face if he is truly trying to change. Its the only way for this to heal, and we both know its going to be a long road. However, Im not dumb enough not to look over my shoulder and be on my guard for a while. Trust is hard enough to rebuild, my problem is how do I get rid of this anger and hurt? If I truly am to forgive him, how do I get over this? I realize part of it relies on him to again make me feel safe and secure to open up my heart again, but how do I reconcile the fact that I was so badly betrayed? Im facing the emotions, I just dont know how to deal with them in a way that wont be detrimental to the relationship we're trying to rebuild. Because I believe it can be worth it. Choosing to forgive and reconcile with him doesn't mean you're not allowed to express your feelings. In fact, it's healthy to do so, as it aids the healing process. I would say try to express it in as healthy a manner as possible. You're allowed to still be hurt and angry with him for what happened; you're going down the path of forgiveness, and it may be a long, winding road. Sit down and talk with your boyfriend about how you're feeling. Let him know that even though you've decided to give him another chance, it doesn't mean you've fully recovered from what he's done. Right now, it's his job to be accommodating of your feelings; not the other way around. He has a lot of heavy lifting ahead of him. But, if he is sincerely sorry, and dedicated to making things right between you, he should be supportive of any and all emotional reactions and triggers you may experience. From what you posted, I doubt you're the type to milk this for all it's worth; so I don't think you will make him suffer more than he should, and I doubt making him suffer is your intention, at all. Be honest about what you're feeling, and try to find constructive outlets for those feelings. I wish you the best during your reconciliation.
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