soccerrprp Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Hi, It's unusual for me to start a thread, but I am curious to this question and experience: Those of you who have moved or considered moving for someone else in a LDR AND HAVE CHILDREN, how did you go about making that decision? LDR relationships are difficult enough, but when children are involved, it becomes exponentially more difficult.
CA2TN4Love Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Well, I'm not the one moving, but initially, I thought I would be. My son just turned 18 today, and when I was considering moving, I was heartbroken because I knew he wouldn't come with me. I basically came to the conclusion that I would move once my son left the house and started a life of his own. With that said, my SO will be moving to me. He has a 9 year old son that he has custody of. His ex-wife doesn't live in his state and only sees their son for Christmas break and half of the summer, so that won't change when he moves out here. It wasn't an easy decision for my SO, but I have a great career that will provide a healthy retirement for us, so it doesn't make sense to give that up, especially with the current job market and my specialized skill set. I couldn't get the same job in his state. I love his son, and I truly believe that it will be beneficial to all of us for them to move here. Basically, it was a financial decision.
justwhoiam Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 We mutually agreed that we're not moving our children across the ocean. We're keeping a base in both places: where I live and where he lives, until he'll end up living where I'm at. Life expectancy is longer here.
Author soccerrprp Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 Well, I'm not the one moving, but initially, I thought I would be. My son just turned 18 today, and when I was considering moving, I was heartbroken because I knew he wouldn't come with me. I basically came to the conclusion that I would move once my son left the house and started a life of his own. With that said, my SO will be moving to me. He has a 9 year old son that he has custody of. His ex-wife doesn't live in his state and only sees their son for Christmas break and half of the summer, so that won't change when he moves out here. It wasn't an easy decision for my SO, but I have a great career that will provide a healthy retirement for us, so it doesn't make sense to give that up, especially with the current job market and my specialized skill set. I couldn't get the same job in his state. I love his son, and I truly believe that it will be beneficial to all of us for them to move here. Basically, it was a financial decision. Reasonable in every sense. Thank you for that. Do you think the difficulty of moving for your SO had to with the age of his child? Or was the difficulty due to his job, having established roots...?
Author soccerrprp Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 (edited) We mutually agreed that we're not moving our children across the ocean. We're keeping a base in both places: where I live and where he lives, until he'll end up living where I'm at. Life expectancy is longer here. Understandable. How many times has your SO met your children? And how old are they? I would imagine that you both also considered the "connection" your children have made with your SOs. Making any move would certainly require that your SO has a solid connection and relationship with your child(ren), right? Edited August 6, 2013 by soccerrprp
vmjones1 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Reasonable in every sense. Thank you for that. Do you think the difficulty of moving for your SO had to with the age of his child? Or was the difficulty due to his job, having established roots...? difficulty of me moving to be with her wasn't the age of my son, nor established roots. it has to do with a very unique set of circumstances and events back in 1995 in her home state. something we are going to get taken care of. in short I took 20 cops and 2 helicopters on a 170mph chase on my motorcycle with some friends. and in order to avoid a very untimely death I fled the state when subpeona'ed to testify against someone else.
justwhoiam Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 How many times has your SO met your children? Unfortunately, we could arrange to be in the same place just once. Due to travel expenses, we cannot meet up that often during the year. And we travel on our own for work. And how old are they? They're around 10. I would imagine that you both also considered the "connection" your children have made with your SOs. Making any move would certainly require that your SO has a solid connection and relationship with your child(ren), right? Yes, having a connection is important. But our children are too young right now, and we cannot leave them. We wouldn't be able to be home if needed. We live 8 or 9 hours apart from each other. It's not a piece of cake. Are you willing to close the gap soon? Are you being impatient? I see at times he wants us to close the gap ASAP, but it's not viable at the moment for us.
Faith13/2 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 I'm sure some people will have some negative thoughts on this, but here it goes anyways lol I have two children I live in NY, USA and my SO lives in London, UK. I plan to be moving to the UK as soon as my Fiance Visa gets accepted. Because my children's father lives here in the USA I cannot legally just up and take my children with me as I'm sure you already know. Somehow I have been able to get my Ex to agree to split visitations. Now before people ask the reason my SO is not moving here is one his occupation is with the NHS(National Health Service) which is a quite financially stable occupation to be in and two I have an occupation already lined up for me in the UK. Leaving my children behind is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done, but we are motivated on making this work at all cost.
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