Waynester Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Hi, just registered here. I am currently in a 2 1/2 year relationship, but lately..the last few months actually, things have felt like they are slipping away from me. When we first met she was amazing, very into me, but I must admit I was not quite the same back. Not because I didn't like her, no...just my last relationship left me with painful memories, & I guess I was just wary & over cautious. The last year has been fairly hard, my partner has been job hunting..career hunting really, not just any old job. In this time she lived with me, & I helped all I could. During this time we kind of let our relationship slip, you know..the closeness & intimate part. I described it as 'we felt like neighbours..or friends maybe' We talked a few times, always with me instigating the conversation. It always ended up with recognising the problem & agreeing with the reasons why, & to try harder. Bringing this up to date. 3 months ago she got her dream job, things were still..not quite right, but I put it down to our stress & hoped things would improve. She moved out to be closer to her new job, so she is now 1 1/2 hours away by car. We see each other at weekends, & text daily. Now though that has changed to me picking her up Saturdays as she is tired when she finishes work on Fridays. She loves the job, and this is always the main topic of her texts. Thats ok, shes excited about her new career. Problem is.. the intimacy is still missing, and she seems just cooler with me. One day when driving her back I got the courage & asked her, saying does she still love me, does she still see a future with me..with us. The answer was yes, but she said..& has repeated in a few emails recently that, she still wants to be with me but...her feelings are not as strong. She said that in the beginning this was how I was with her, now..she is this way with me. So, the last couple of months I have been trying so hard, but very little coming back. Just the same responses from her, she is with me but...yes, she is not in a big love as she was, but will try harder. But I am feeling less & less secure. I sent her flowers.. wrote her a poem & posted it on a card, she just said 'thank you' nothing more. I bought her a silver chain & pendant, she replied 'thank you again, but..she didn't deserve it' I find I am analyzing everything.. her emails always always ended with 10, 20 kisses. Now maybe 6 or 7. When I text, it always takes an hour or 2 before I get a reply. She is starting to ask if we can miss seeing each other some weekends. This weekend she went bowling with her new work colleagues. I feel increasingly like she is pulling away.. & its killing me. I am trying to keep calm, but its so hard. I over analyse everything! She still just says she doesn't want to hurt me with her words but admits she is still not in the same place as me, she doesn't feel the passion like I do.. says sorry, & will try harder. But nothing changes, & it hurts. It feels so one sided, like I'm compensating for what is missing. But..I need to feel loved too, just a little sign..a held hand or a text or email saying something..really loving..reassuring. But nothing changes. Just don't know what else to do? I try the NC or minimal contact, see if she contacts me, but.. I always cave, & text her 1st. Always me. Sorry for the long email, but this feels like we are breaking up..just in slow motion. Its hard to love someone when you get so little back.
Author Waynester Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 Had another text saying would I mind if we miss next weekend too? She has been invited out to the cinema by her work friends. This weekend it was bowling. This will mean I wont see her for 3 weeks! I understand her world is opening up..& I think thats great for her, but one of the names repeated fairly often in hrr texts when telling me about her day is 'Gareth' I don't know if anything is going on but my mind is going crazy.. my thoughts are destroying me. I'm scared now to ask anything, if there is nothing going on my actions might be seen as being to questioning.. smothering.. needy, which means I end up pushing her away myself. I was married before I met her, for 12 years. I got cheated on, & it took a long time to get over. I am convinced history is or will repeat, & I'm scared, nervous..sad. Not helped by her admittance that 'she doesn't feel the same for me as I do her..at the moment' In a way I would prefer she just said its over, but she doesn't. What the hell am i doing!!
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