Eternal Sunshine Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I lived with only one guy who owned a home and was paying off mortgage. He didn't let me pay for a thing (although I offered). He didn't even want me to pay anything for utility bills. The only thing I did pay was 50/50 on groceries.
xxoo Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 His expenses are over $2500 a month. Hes asking her to chip in only $500 a month for expenses. Why so focused on whether or not the house is paid off? It wouldnt matter. Her "rent" includes EVERYTHING expense wise...ie...housing, utilities, property tax, garbage pickup, repairs...EVERYTHING that goes into owning a home and living in it...and she only pays 500 bucks a month. And hes buying food and paying for them to go out most of the time too.. Basically, he sounds controlling. He wants her to pay money to him, and he decides how it is used. A better approach is to sit down and discuss what he and she would pay in the joint living situation. But I would feel very uncomfortable paying money to my partner, like a tenant situation.
Author kaylan Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 (edited) I lived with only one guy who owned a home and was paying off mortgage. He didn't let me pay for a thing (although I offered). He didn't even want me to pay anything for utility bills. The only thing I did pay was 50/50 on groceries. But I hope you wouldnt expect not to pay for living expenses in the future based on the example of this one guy I hope.Basically, he sounds controlling. He wants her to pay money to him, and he decides how it is used. A better approach is to sit down and discuss what he and she would pay in the joint living situation. But I would feel very uncomfortable paying money to my partner, like a tenant situation. Everything is in his name. Why wouldnt he receive the cash? Just read her thread. Shes not concerned about control at all. Shes being cheap and moochy. Hence why she lives at home at her age, collects unemployment, has savings, yet refuses to chip in because "its not romantic" Look at what shes worried about. Sounds like a woman with princess mindsets, entitlement, and dreams of being swept off her feet. Doesnt sound like a woman who wants real love, in a real partnership and someone to build a life with. I really hope I dont end up wasting 3 years of my life dating a woman only to find out she feels that way. Because as soon as I am on any hard times, I know she will be gone. Edited August 4, 2013 by kaylan
xxoo Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I read it, and she specifically is objecting to paying him rent. I would, too, but I would happily pay for joint utilities, joint groceries, and of course all of my personal stuff. I simply would not want to pay money to, or accept money from, a partner. 1
Author kaylan Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 And you have to give money to pay utilities. So why should you live for free, but not get utilities for free? A living expense is a living expense. A mortgage costs money and a freeloader is someone who doesnt contribute to the cost of one when they have the means to do so.
xxoo Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 And you have to give money to pay utilities. Why should you live for free, but not get utilities for free? A living expense is a living expense. A mortgage costs money and a freeloader is someone who doesnt contribute to the cost of one when they have the means to do so. You pay the utility company, not your boyfriend. You pay for utilities you used, not toward a mortgage on a house a man will own long after you are gone. That's his investment, his home. If he wants it to be her home, then she can contribute. I have a mortgage. There is no way I'd let someone move in, pay toward it, and stake a claim if things don't work out. He's shortsighted.
Author kaylan Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 You pay the utility company, not your boyfriend. You pay for utilities you used, not toward a mortgage on a house a man will own long after you are gone. That's his investment, his home. If he wants it to be her home, then she can contribute. I have a mortgage. There is no way I'd let someone move in, pay toward it, and stake a claim if things don't work out. He's shortsighted. Then she can put her name on the mortgage if it means that much. But living for free without paying for housing sounds like a leech to me. They had been thinking about marriage anyways. But if she didnt wanna pay housing, Id make her pay all the utilities and repairs herself to offset the living expenses. Fair is fair. Both parties need to shoulder living burdens.
xxoo Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Than she can put her name on the mortgage if it means that much. But living for free without paying for housing sounds like a leech to me. That man stated in his post that he was not willing to have her name on the paperwork. You may feel differently about this when you actually have property, and meet someone you want to shack up with, but aren't sure you want to commit to forever and always. Women come and go, but that's his house! You sound a little up tight about money.
Author kaylan Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 That man stated in his post that he was not willing to have her name on the paperwork. You may feel differently about this when you actually have property, and meet someone you want to shack up with, but aren't sure you want to commit to forever and always. Women come and go, but that's his house! You sound a little up tight about money. Uptight? Not wanting someone to mooch who has the ability to chip in is uptight? Says the woman who overlooked the fact that the woman in the OP was not concerned at all about the mortgage. That woman only wanted her own money and was concerned about the "romance" of having a guy take care of all the bills. Sorry, but in my eyes, the sign of a moocher or a mooch apologist, is calling someone uptight for believing adults should be financially responsible for themselves.
xxoo Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Uptight? Not wanting someone to mooch who has the ability to chip in is uptight? Says the woman who overlooked the fact that the woman in the OP was not concerned at all about the mortgage. That woman only wanted her own money and was concerned about the "romance" of having a guy take care of all the bills. The man is concerned about the mortgage. He's asking her to chip in, but isn't willing to give her a share of his investment (as he shouldn't). Is it mooching if someone gives you great pleasure and adds to your life? I've supported a boyfriend financially in the past. I didn't see him as mooching. I saw it as making life easier for each other in different ways. We didn't keep a score sheet. And when the stakes got higher, we simply got married and combined everything 100%. If he hadn't been willing to marry at that point, I would have pulled back the financial investment. 1
Author kaylan Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 The man is concerned about the mortgage. He's asking her to chip in, but isn't willing to give her a share of his investment (as he shouldn't). Is it mooching if someone gives you great pleasure and adds to your life? I've supported a boyfriend financially in the past. I didn't see him as mooching. I saw it as making life easier for each other in different ways. We didn't keep a score sheet. And when the stakes got higher, we simply got married and combined everything 100%. If he hadn't been willing to marry at that point, I would have pulled back the financial investment. Its mooching if their EXPECTATION is not to chip in and to be taken care of. That is exactly what the girls expectation was. She didnt care about that mortgage at all. She didnt really want a claim in it. She wanted the "romance" of the man footing the bills. Id of course take care of my girl through bad times, and Id hope she'd do the same. But I wouldnt expect that she take care of me even when I had the money to help out and pay my fair share. The woman in the OP balked at 500 bucks to chip in to housing expenses that total over 2500.
xxoo Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Its mooching if their EXPECTATION is not to chip in and to be taken care of. That is exactly what the girls expectation was. She didnt care about that mortgage at all. She didnt really want a claim in it. She wanted the "romance" of the man footing the bills. Id of course take care of my girl through bad times, and Id hope she'd do the same. But I wouldnt expect that she take care of me even when I had the money to help out and pay my fair share. The woman in the OP balked at 500 bucks to chip in to housing expenses that total over 2500. We don't know what she truly expected, because the entire discussion was framed in the terms of her paying him. That's the discussion they had by his account. We have no idea what she would have been willing to contribute to the household bills if he'd had that discussion, rather than asking her to pay him money.
Els Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Honestly, OP, there's someone for everyone. People who split 50/50, people who split some other way, people who don't split, people who pool finances entirely so it doesn't matter, people who wait til they're married first... a whole host of options. I really suspect this thread is going to degenerate into you arguing with someone who happens to provide an answer to your poll that you don't agree with, and I really hope I'm wrong.
Leigh 87 Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Yeah okay fair enough. I am a pretty fair girl. I am also ignorant on the matter of being a home owner, and the expenses that come along with it. Therefore, I would ask him to educate me as to what his monthly expenses were. We would need to come to an agreement that we both felt comfortable with, based on both our financial situations and both of our individual goals. Could you seriously stay with a person who you were otherwise into, but who had widely differing views than you when it came to sharing the expenses of living together? I sure couldn't. I will tell you why............ If even my best effort to help him out fell SHORT of what he felt he needed from a partner, I would hope that if he truly LOVED me, that he could see that I WAS trying my best. My kind of guy would: have faith in me, that I WOULD chip in 50/50 when I was in the position to. A guy who truly loved me, in my opinion, would help me out financially if I was in trouble, and I was doing my best to find more work to change things/finish my degree to get a job. Moreover - I am happy to stay at home with my parents until I finish my degree, therefore I would not move in with a guy unless he INSISTED that he did not MIND that I could not pay 50/50, and rather, I would only be able to chip in as much as I could in my predicament. I do not think 500 dollars per month was unreasonable in the OP' example. I think it was perfectly fair of him, since he demanded LESS than what he girl was already paying, and considering he had not paid his house off.
tbf Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 So I bit the bullet, double masked my IP and read the thread on sosuave. No wonder he posted there. They broke up so he's looking for some male stroking that he did the right thing. She said: You don't trust me enough to financially pull my weight and you don't love me enough to offer to support me. He said: It costs $2500 to run a home. Show me you're willing to financially contribute since I'm deathly afraid of gold diggers. They're both right, especially with the break up. No speaky same language.
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