Rent and moving in...

[kaylan]

Some threads like this, make me really feel Ill never find the kind of girl I want to date long term. Funny this is, that first thread leaves out details from the boyfriends perspective in this thread

 

Is it really that unreasonable for a guy to expect a girl to chip in for rent? Even if he is gainfully employed and can afford his place just fine, why should anyone get a free ride? I mean, sure some feel the guy could be a little more understanding of his gfs unemployment....but in her thread, she left out the fact that she lives with her mom and that the bf asked her for less than what she contributes to her mother. She even outright lied about going dutch, when the guy says he pays for things most of the time.

 

I guess I wanted to poll the women of this site. Do many women really find it unreasonable that a guy would ask his girl to pay rent if she moves in? If I ever life with a woman, if we have similar salaries, Id expect things to be 50/50. However, if there was a rather large income difference, then I would think the rent ratio may not be split down the middle. It depends really.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I would absolutely never move in with a guy if I couldn't split the rent 50/50. If we lived together and then one of us lost our jobs that's different, I'd expect one partner to support both for a little while as long as unemployed partner is seriously job hunting) and I've supported both myself and a partner when he became unemployed during co-habitation. But yes, I think women who expect a guy to cover the whole rent or more than their fair share are freeloaders, why should you get a free ride because you have a vag?

 

Unless of course, you're child-rearing. Then I think it's the norm for the working partner to share all of their income with the stay at home partner, as bringing their joint kids up is valuable work in itself.

[xxoo]

If it were MY home, and a boyfriend were moving in, I wouldn't want him to pay rent. I'd want it to be MY home in the event that we break up.

 

If we were making things permanent, we'd pool money and it wouldn't matter. We'd have a shared bank acct, and the mortgage would come out of there.

 

If we needed move, we could choose a place together and split the expenses.

[Maleficent]

Some threads like this, make me really feel Ill never find the kind of girl I want to date long term. Funny this is, that first thread leaves out details from the boyfriends perspective in this thread

 

Is it really that unreasonable for a guy to expect a girl to chip in for rent? Even if he is gainfully employed and can afford his place just fine, why should anyone get a free ride? I mean, sure some feel the guy could be a little more understanding of his gfs unemployment....but in her thread, she left out the fact that she lives with her mom and that the bf asked her for less than what she contributes to her mother. She even outright lied about going dutch, when the guy says he pays for things most of the time.

 

I guess I wanted to poll the women of this site. Do many women really find it unreasonable that a guy would ask his girl to pay rent if she moves in? If I ever life with a woman, if we have similar salaries, Id expect things to be 50/50. However, if there was a rather large income difference, then I would think the rent ratio may not be split down the middle. It depends really.

 

 

I completely agree with you. This girl sounds like she is either a gold-digger or expecting a free ride from her wealthy boyfriend.

 

Eventually, they can have a 'shared account' if things are getting really serious, but for now it is normal she pays rent and expenses.

[aussietigerwolf]

that's the first thing that I said to my boyfriend when we were discussing moving in together... I wanted to pay my fair share of rent (and other bills)

[Maleficent]

that's the first thing that I said to my boyfriend when we were discussing moving in together... I wanted to pay my fair share of rent (and other bills)

 

I really don't understand how some women are alright living off of their wealthy boyfriends.

I would feel like a trophy wife…

 

The douchebag move would have been to ask 50/50 given the difference is salary...

[Divasu]

Is it really that unreasonable for a guy to expect a girl to chip in for rent?

 

Absolutely not unreasonable.

 

Aim higher OP.

[Leigh 87]

I am a student with only occasionally nanny/cleaning work with a local family.

The money I make I strictly save for overseas travel.

I would rather not live with a guy and save for travel; no big deal, since we would still see each other during the week.

 

However, if he INSISTED I move out with him and he said he would pay..

I would agree to move in:

 

- only if he was in a position where he could AFFORD to pay for the both of us

 

- I would make SURE that I was the one who tidied the house and looked after the house. I would tell him " babe, I am so grateful for you allowing us to live together, so I want to be the one who keeps the house clean, neat and tidy"

 

- I would of course, buy my own food and stuff with my student allowance and the money I earn through work.

 

.........................................

 

I would also make sure he knew that, once I am financially more independent, I would NOT expect a free ride from him!

[hoping2heal]

Finances are a weird dynamic and there is no one size fits all.

 

There are some women who believe that a man should be financially responsible for them; pay the rent, pay the car payment, take them shopping, etc. And, in kind there are some men who believe the same. They would feel emasculated if the woman were to pay her way, they would feel like failures since they're girlfriend/fiance/spouse had to go out and work and they couldn't support them.

 

Then, there are the women who believe that it's important to contribute financially and pay for their half of everything. If the man insisted on paying her way she might be offended or feel like there is an uneven keel to the relationship. Likewise, there is a group of men who feel the same.

 

When part A meets part B in these dynamics it can be wonderful. Unfortunately, it does not always work that way. Maybe the woman is/was a gold-digger and maybe the woman was just being entitled, but maybe she was raised that the man pays your way. In which case, it would be off putting for her to have him suggest such a thing.

 

However, I'm personally of the opinion that you aren't entitled to anything and in the case of heaven forbid but death or divorce I wouldn't want to be left shaking like a leaf, wondering how I would financially support myself and our children.

[miss_jaclynrae]

We dutch everything.

 

 

50/50.

When I say everything, I mean everything. Only on special occasions does he pay for me.

 

 

I want to add that if push came to shove though, and I for some reason had no money, he would be more than willing to help if he was financially able to.

At this point though, our finances are pretty much the same when it comes to income vs cost.

 

 

With my ex, he paid for everything. He always was super controlling though, so I find this way to be healthy for the time being.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Finances are a weird dynamic and there is no one size fits all.

 

There are some women who believe that a man should be financially responsible for them; pay the rent, pay the car payment, take them shopping, etc.

 

I just truly can't wrap my head around that. If a guy tries to buy me something I feel awkward about it (like if we're out and he buys me some clothes, that happened once on holiday and I graciously accepted but I still felt a little taken aback). As for rent and car payments, man... I'm as broke as they come, I've racked up so much debt (7-8k) in loans/credit cards/overdrafts partly due to difficult circumstances (when your mother dies and leaves no money for a headstone... not being able to 'go home' after studying while I looked for a job, partly just being reckless with a credit card and not knowing how to handle it and partly buying lots of crap like makeup desperately trying to make myself happy in the wake of a massive bereavement.. and partly stuff like having to buy a car when my old one broke, as my job needs a car and I couldn't afford to lose my job). But despite that I make all of my own money, I pay my own rent and bills, I make my own debt payments, I work 70 goddamn hours a week over one full time/one part time/one voluntary jobs while writing an MA. It is beyond exhausting but I am proud of the fact that I have never relied on a parent or partner for cash.

 

If I had have done no doubt I wouldn't be in the financial mess I'm in now. But hey, I have my self respect intact! (some would say I don't due to the debt but I make my payments and am studying for a much better job... this is a temporary disaster of a situation )

 

Seriously though, women who expect a man to cover their ass financially are partly responsible for holding back true equality between the sexes. I don't believe it's very fair to expect equal rights for men and women while taking advantage of men and a guy's money just because you happen to have been born female. Have some self respect, work hard, study and get educated, and take care of yourself.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I had no qualms supporting my ex financially when he was unemployed because I saw how hard he was looking for a job. He also kept the apartment spotless and had dinner ready for me after work most nights. I think that dynamic damaged us a little though, he really sunk into hating himself for being 'wifey' while I went out and earnt the cash.

[New User]

She sounds like an entitled leech. The guy is well rid of her. Some of the answers on the yelp page really have me shaking my head. Implying that she's f**king him so she should charge him for sex. I can only wonder at women who view sex as transactional but would (presumably) be offended if it were pointed out that they are little more than prostitutes. His offer was very generous assuming it was recounted accurately- she would have been banking money if she later decided to move out and been living there for a net cost of 1/7th of what she's currently paying and I suspect enjoying a much better home than she currently has.

 

Having said all that, I strongly suspect the thread on Don Juan is a troll. That site reeks of PUA nonsense andhis post on it 3 months later seems really contrived.

[sweetkiwi]

The only man I've lived with, my ex fiance, and I didn't "split" the rent all the time. We were kids so sometimes he wouldn't have money and I would, or I wouldn't have money and he would. No one kept score.

[Leigh 87]

Honestly, I think that as long as the person not paying their way is genuinely trying their best to change that, and they are very grateful for their partners support and do not expect a free ride, then it's okay to support a partner.

 

Just as long as the one being supported does not feel entitled to it, and rather, they are super appreciative and plan to do something about their lack of money, such as college with part time work, or working on getting a better job.

[veggirl]

I don't think most people expect a free ride. I've lived with 2 boyfriends, the first when I was 21 and we split everything 50/50 (we were equally poor).

 

In my current situation, I pay ~1/3 to his 2/3 (he actually pays slightly over 2/3). This is based on our income levels (we have similar debt levels). He pays cable/internet, I pay electric. It works out. If we made the same amount of money I would happily contribute 50/50.

 

If I had a paid off home, I'd feel VERY awkward asking a partner for rent. I wouldn't do it, or pay it if I was the partner moving in. It's just free income to the home owner, it's going straight into his pocket. If he wants a tenant, he should get a tenant, but expecting rent from your SO when you don't pay rent or a mortgage? I think that's weird. I would expect to contribute to utilities/insurance/HOA, though.

 

If he was adament I pay rent, I'd suggest we get our OWN place where we both pay rent..........I would feel too weird just handing my bf $700 or whatever and its going towards...nothing, except i guess his savings account?

[tbf]

The easiest way to avoid this, is not to live with anyone until you've found the one you wish to commit to for life. If you never find her and keep dating or being a serial monogamist, there are still no problems.

 

But I did find it interesting that the second link was to sosuave, a pickup site. If as the woman's stated, they've been together for three years, why is the boyfriend posting his perspective on a pickup site? Didn't click on the link so I can't comment on what the guy has actually posted.

[Maleficent]

I am a student with only occasionally nanny/cleaning work with a local family.

The money I make I strictly save for overseas travel.

I would rather not live with a guy and save for travel; no big deal, since we would still see each other during the week.

 

However, if he INSISTED I move out with him and he said he would pay..

I would agree to move in:

 

- only if he was in a position where he could AFFORD to pay for the both of us

 

- I would make SURE that I was the one who tidied the house and looked after the house. I would tell him " babe, I am so grateful for you allowing us to live together, so I want to be the one who keeps the house clean, neat and tidy"

 

- I would of course, buy my own food and stuff with my student allowance and the money I earn through work.

 

.........................................

 

I would also make sure he knew that, once I am financially more independent, I would NOT expect a free ride from him!

 

The thing is, in this case, he is asking her to pay an amount she is already paying. Whether or not she moves in with him - it will not affect her monthly 'rent'

[veggirl]

I just read the sosuave link and i will say I think his idea of putting what she would have paid in rent into some sort of joint-savings account for a vaca or whatever is a good one, BUT I'd never open a joint account with someone I was not married to, so that is a little hiccup too.....if someone was okay w/ a bank account with their partners name on it when they aren't married then that would be an idea to consider. Although then who gets it if you break up and all that...meh...in that situation, if the home is paid off, the second party shouldn't be expected to pay rent imo

[New User]

The easiest way to avoid this, is not to live with anyone until you've found the one you wish to commit to for life. If you never find her and keep dating or being a serial monogamist, there are still no problems.

 

But I did find it interesting that the second link was to sosuave, a pickup site. If as the woman's stated, they've been together for three years, why is the boyfriend posting his perspective on a pickup site? Didn't click on the link so I can't comment on what the guy has actually posted.

 

I read it. I strongly suspect that was posted by someone who stumbled upon the original post and decided to go for teh lulz at the expense of a gal that certainly seems to feel entitled to something for nothing.... Then fleshed out the story to make her seem like even more of a brat. It's just a hunch I have. It could be him and he could have had an inactive account on that site (join date is 2004) but it just seems like a straw man for the regulars to rip apart.

[tbf]

I read it. I strongly suspect that was posted by someone who stumbled upon the original post and decided to go for teh lulz at the expense of a gal that certainly seems to feel entitled to something for nothing.... Then fleshed out the story to make her seem like even more of a brat. It's just a hunch I have. It could be him and he could have had an inactive account on that site (join date is 2004) but it just seems like a straw man for the regulars to rip apart.

It wouldn't be terribly difficult to find out, if sosuave is a vBulletin site. Just look back on his posting history.

[New User]

It wouldn't be terribly difficult to find out, if sosuave is a vBulletin site. Just look back on his posting history.

 

I tried, but you have to join to do that. I'm not invested enough to create an account so I can do that.

[kaylan]

I don't think most people expect a free ride. I've lived with 2 boyfriends, the first when I was 21 and we split everything 50/50 (we were equally poor).

 

In my current situation, I pay ~1/3 to his 2/3 (he actually pays slightly over 2/3). This is based on our income levels (we have similar debt levels). He pays cable/internet, I pay electric. It works out. If we made the same amount of money I would happily contribute 50/50.

 

If I had a paid off home, I'd feel VERY awkward asking a partner for rent. I wouldn't do it, or pay it if I was the partner moving in. It's just free income to the home owner, it's going straight into his pocket. If he wants a tenant, he should get a tenant, but expecting rent from your SO when you don't pay rent or a mortgage? I think that's weird. I would expect to contribute to utilities/insurance/HOA, though.

 

If he was adament I pay rent, I'd suggest we get our OWN place where we both pay rent..........I would feel too weird just handing my bf $700 or whatever and its going towards...nothing, except i guess his savings account?

Um...owning a home isnt just a mortgage. Costs include garbage pickup, property taxes, repairs etc. And we dont know what kind of other bills the dude may have. The guy I linked to in my OP did not have his place payed off anyways. He had a mortgage and his gf balked at the idea of chipping in if she moved in.

 

Id GLADLY chip in if I was moving into some girls place. Didnt matter if it was paid off or not. Life isnt free.

The easiest way to avoid this, is not to live with anyone until you've found the one you wish to commit to for life. If you never find her and keep dating or being a serial monogamist, there are still no problems.

 

But I did find it interesting that the second link was to sosuave, a pickup site. If as the woman's stated, they've been together for three years, why is the boyfriend posting his perspective on a pickup site? Didn't click on the link so I can't comment on what the guy has actually posted.

The site isnt just about pickup. Its about relationship advice and married men advice as well. There is a specific section on the forum just for married men and how they maintain their marriages. Seeing as the OP of that thread has been on that forum for almost a decade, I see no problem with him getting info from people hes built a rapport with.

 

Same way LS would be my main go to site for advice, he has his main go to site. Plus he can get a purely male perspective, especially after seeing all the bs replies women gave to his lying gf on Yelp

The thing is, in this case, he is asking her to pay an amount she is already paying. Whether or not she moves in with him - it will not affect her monthly 'rent'

He actually wanted her to pay 200 to 300 dollars less than she paid her mom. Seems like a good dude to me. The chick had savings and was collecting unemployment anyways. So I couldnt understand her at all. She left out many details in her Yelp post. But even with the details included Id expect women on that site to side with her.

 

LS seems to have many women I dont seem to encounter out in the real world. Wish LS girls werent so damn rare.

Edited August 4, 2013 by kaylan

[Leigh 87]

I didn't look at the link sorry, I was giving my strong opinion as to what I would do if a guy asked me to move in, when I am clearly not in any position to pay them rent.

 

If the guy OWNS a house and he has paid it off? Then if he was that crazy about a woman, it would be off for him to expect her to pay rent as though she was a TENANT.

 

IMHO - he would have to be a real right arse if he expected a girl he was madly in love with, to pay rent, when he already OWNS the house and has paid it off......

 

Although I WOULD expect the girl to do her share of cooking, cleaning, and to pay the utilities 50/50.

 

And, I mean, If I were a guy:lmao: I would imagine that it would be a turn off if a woman felt " entitled".

 

How is it entitled to believe that: if a dude owns his house outright, then it is a little strange expecting his lover to pay RENT, when he only really needs utility bills paid for 50/50?

[kaylan]

His expenses are over $2500 a month. Hes asking her to chip in only $500 a month for expenses. Why so focused on whether or not the house is paid off? It wouldnt matter. Her "rent" includes EVERYTHING expense wise...ie...housing, utilities, property tax, garbage pickup, repairs...EVERYTHING that goes into owning a home and living in it...and she only pays 500 bucks a month. And hes buying food and paying for them to go out most of the time too.

 

Come on now leigh.

 

If I was gonna move into some girls place, I wouldnt just contribute to half of the utilities. Utilities are easy. Id contribute to at least half of ALL living expenses, and food too.

I read it. I strongly suspect that was posted by someone who stumbled upon the original post and decided to go for teh lulz at the expense of a gal that certainly seems to feel entitled to something for nothing.... Then fleshed out the story to make her seem like even more of a brat. It's just a hunch I have. It could be him and he could have had an inactive account on that site (join date is 2004) but it just seems like a straw man for the regulars to rip apart.

I dont see why a veteran member of the board would need to do that. His original post was very even keeled as well. And he didnt really lay into the gf like he could of. Definitely not troll behavior in my view. Lets not derail the discussion by trying to dismiss the guy as a troll.

 

Its 2013, everyone uses the internet, therefore its not farfetched for two people in a relationship to both seek out advice online. We have a few couples on loveshack you know. 1 couple even met through this site I believe.

Edited August 4, 2013 by kaylan