Dating again, no interest

[Mascara]

I broke up with my ex 3 years ago, and had a great year of being single. Two years ago, I decided to start looking again.

 

And oh boy, is it a hassle. I really don't know if I can be bothered. Does anyone else feel like this? I had a date last Thursday, and as I was getting ready and thinking about the whole polite boredom that categorises most first dates, I very nearly cancelled and ordered pizza. I didn't, but it made me realise how bored I am of the whole thing.

 

People tell me to take a break, and maybe I should. But I'm so fed up of being single now, I think I should just persevere.

 

Here's the issues I have with dating, both on and offline -

 

online dating

... seems to encourage a type of person who really isn't ready to date, but they put up a profile so that they can legitimately say they are doing something about their single status. The newly single, the commitment-shy all fall into this category. It's not unusual to be messaging someone who got out of a 5 year relationship last week.

 

offline dating and dating in general

... men in my target age group (40 to 50) who have never had kids and decide that now is the time to seek out someone 15 years younger than them to start a family. Just because it's physically possible for men to start a family at any age, I still find it odd.

 

- men who are truly unaware of their appearance. I've lost count of the number of "average" men who haven't seen their feet in 20 years. Yet they honestly believe they are still the hot young things they used to be.

 

- the grass is greener. This is the biggest problem when you meet someone. Just like a gambling addict, they complain and complain about never "winning", and then when they do.... they are happy for a while, then they start getting antsy again "wonder if I can do even better".

 

I'm sure women do all of this too, but I don't date women.

 

A few months ago, I met someone where I thought we were really compatible. But he felt like he was missing out as we were dating exclusively, because he was new to the area and there was a whole untapped market there. And that was kind of the last straw. Two years of first dates, meeting people, the majority of which go nowhere, occasionally things taking off for a few months, then fizzing out again.

[white]

What's the question?

 

Online dating seems to me to be a disaster for everyone, and offline dating is incredibly difficult and heart rending to attempt today, especially for your age. The birthrate's dropping daily and most western nations are now losing population, sperm counts are dropping and female infertility is rising, casual sex is ever on the rise, expectations are totally ****ed (forgiving the pun) by porn and marriages are expected to disintegrate. The world's going to hell in a handbasket. Does that make you feel better?

[Weezy1973]

Dating as a whole does suck. I recommend meeting men in a more organic environment. Don't look at men as potential dates - if you're in an environment where you see each other repeatedly feelings can begin to grow before you even go on a date. You can develop a little crush on one another and you each become a little invested (i.e. less disposable). That bodes well for developing a relationship.

[BluEyeL]

I know exactly how you feel, it's dating burnout. I got divorced in 2009 and started to date in January 2013, and at 5 months in, I got totally burnt out, I was literally dragging myself to another date, like you describe. I was dating too much, up to 2-3 dates/wk, but I learned a lot in the process, this being actually the first time in my life that I have been dating (I've been with my ex husband since I was 18 and rules were much different then, I didn't have any of today's worries). In the end, I decided to take a break for the summer and starting this Fall to date more strategically, i.e. focus less on online, replace with live events and interest groups (not eliminate OLD completely) and be much more selective on accepting first dates. So, at the end of May, with this plan in mind, I literally dragged myself to one last meetup, where I met someone I've been very happily dating for 2 months now. It seems to be going very well so far, but reading here that things go well for a few months then fizzle, I get a bit worried, although I have no reasons to worry based on how it's going. So you never know, if this one fails, I'll probably take another break to recover, and then start over with the above strategy in mind. I don't think it's productive to criticize the men in the dating pool. What you said it's true, so learning from your dating experience, just eliminate those types. I'm 41, and it's true that at our age the pool is smaller, but take it that every failure brings you closer to success, statistically, as long as you don't give up. Might take a while. Breaks might recharge you, I don't know that someone can do the dating thing continuously. It's exhausting and draining, so I totally feel for you.

[Mascara]

I think I just need to avoid recently separated men. They're like a kid in a candy shop, and I find that they either want to move too fast, or they want to sow their wild oats.

 

In those two years, most of it was taken up with 2 fairly lengthy relationships. It's the bits in between that make me wonder if I should just give up and have a lifetime of flings with inappropriately younger men.