dm15 Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Ok, so this is the first time posting anything here. Currently I am in a situation where I am confused and not sure where to turn. Well over a year ago, Me and my ex-girlfriend decided to break up. after 4 and half years of dating. Me personally, I was in a very bad place I was depressed and just not content with my life, was generally pretty low. I was also had alot of insecurities with myself that I felt I needed to fix that where there before I met her, in order to love her completely. I really felt like I needed to do this on my own because I didn't feel like it was fair for her to be with me while I was in this place. I was still very very in love with her. I was absolutely crazy about her I never stopped loving her, I always thought she was imperfectly perfect for me and everybody else did to. I just didn't think it was fair for her to be with me then. She told me she would wait along time, I told her I would too. I KNOW I needed to do this for myself, because for me I knew I had to figure myself out before I can love her completely. I told her that I didn't know how long it was going to take, she made me promised her I would be better. I honestly feel like I kept that promise. I always felt like she would be there but knew what we were doing by breaking up. It hurt but I needed to grow, for her and myself. Now I feel like I have grew up a lot. Changed a lot of my habits, less messed up not perfect but I'm ready. I honestly I am 10x the person I was when I was dating her. We have kept contact throughout the whole year and now that I have told her that I have changed now she does not want any communication. I am not even expecting a relationship all I am asking is a chance to explain myself. Now that I feel awesome about myself, my life, where I am going and who I am. All I want is to give that to her because she deserves that from me after being with me in that dark place and angry with myself, I cannot picture being with anybody else. I am not a believer in the "one", But now that I know what I want I want Her. Now after a year of contact and stuff she wants no contact and seems very defensive towards me, I have no Idea why. It is driving me crazy and this summer has been very lonely summer for me and depressing. Every time I see her or hear about her,my heart feels like I am going to jump out of my chest. I feel very lost without her in my life and it hurts so bad, even though my life and the inner me is great right now and have truly experienced growth. I just want to show her the new me. I am not even sure what I am asking but just thoughts on this situation? thanks...
unexpectedlyhere Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Well done on all that self-improvement! She may just have changed her mind. Maybe she didn't believe you'd do it and she thought she was just being friends, because you'd never turn up a changed person. If she doesn't let you through, you can't force it. But I bet this better you can definitely find someone that will appreciate you for who you are.
JDPT Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I congratulate you for taking the time to improve yourself. As you stated, it was not fair for either of you and you were mature enough to understand that there were things you needed to work on prior to proceeding with the relationship. In hindsight when you guys broke up, because it was a break up, this left her in perhaps a bad place all alone to fend for herself now. A year is a long time, so many things could have occurred during this year and I'm only predicting that she realized that she needed to look out for herself and started to detach from you regardless of all the promises, it's just human instinct, survival skills were implemented on her behalf and she started her own process and journey. I can tell you something similar that occurred to me but I went at this the complete wrong way: It was a Saturday morning when I decided to leave my girlfriend for three weeks, no word of where I was going or what I had in mind (completely wrong of me) I simply disappeared from her life for three full weeks. I too had so many issues to sort out and still do, thankfully I have made changes for the better, for myself and no one else, I feel like a new and improved man. Anyways, after the three weeks I decided to contact her in order to coordinate a meeting for us to talk (she also could have contacted me during those three weeks but didn't) to my surprise she was utterly defensive, wished me the best and stated we were through. This was no surprise to me as I saw it coming, maybe my subconscious was preparing me for that moment but it hurt like hell nonetheless. Needless to say we didn't have the opportunity to say "good bye" because she just didn't want anything to do with me at that point. I went through my bargaining process, sent text messages but all I got from her was cold silence. Again, I was not expecting anything my expectations were so low that it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would when she didn't reply. What I'm trying to say with this is nothing is stagnant, people change, feelings change, what was once a fantasy and a dream is now stone cold reality leaving us all alone to lick our wounds. I read somewhere a statement that I can deeply resonate with, it says: "I don't have to understand everything that occurred in the relationship" this I believe is so true and straight to the point. You are in a better place now, don't revert to a bad place that you honestly know you just don't want to go back to, I learned that and quiet honestly life is much better this way for me although I will admit there are times when I miss the hell out of her but life goes on and so will I. Remain strong, I wish you well.
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