DepressedinDenver Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Im just typing this out to get other perspectives. Im sure it is just my ego scorned but I also now feel uneasy about the communication in my relationship. So my GF had a deep dark secret. I wont mention what it was. I had thought we had a great communication but I did not know about this secret. I had feelins that she had something to tell me but she never would. Even if I would tell her she could tell me anything. I finally got this info out of her and we were able to talk about it and it went well. Well now here we are a few months later and I come to find out she told her guy friend this secret looooooong before she told me. Now when she told him this was a little bit before we started getting close and dating. However she was able to tell him this right away. And it is not like they are so close or so I didnt think. So I know my ego is bruised because she was able to tell this other guy so easily while I had to basically pry this info out of her. But I also think that it is more than just my ego bruised because what does this say about our communication. She says she didnt tell me because she was afraid I would leave her, but idk if I like that excuse. Idk Any thoughts and perspective?
TaraMaiden Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Guy friends are just 'girlfriends with a dick'. She didn't tell you because she was shy to, and yeah, probably scared you'd back off. If she demonstrates that as the reason, believe her. What is it you want from her, exactly? How can she change/remedy what's already happened?
Author DepressedinDenver Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 What is it you want from her, exactly? How can she change/remedy what's already happened? Well theres nothing she can do to change it now. I guess I just wish she would know she can tell me whatever and not hold back and think she has to tell someone else.
HiddenUser Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 (edited) It depends on the type of person she is, the type of person he is, how secure you are and what that deep, dark secret actually was. The most important question is, does her story seem plausible given the facts that you have? If her actions don't match her words and you're getting a strange feeling in your gut, then something probably isn't right. Let me give you an example of what I mean: A friend of mine that I used to work with approached me one day and told me her friend was crushing on me. She set us up to text each other and she seemed very interested in me. As we got closer to date night, her texts slowed down, but we went out anyway. I took her to an Italian place and we seemed to hit it off. We were both very friendly, laughed like crazy and had a good time. So a couple of days later I try to talk to her again via text and she was just totally distant. I tried asking questions, being funny, being nice, it just didn't matter. Everything she'd reply with didn't match the way she was acting. I could "just tell" that she was seeing someone else. I could feel it. So I told her off (very, very nicely), and a few weeks later she posted on Facebook how "used" she felt by some other guy who stopped taking her on dates. It's kind of like someone who says they want to stop drinking alcohol, but the next night they're at the store picking up a six pack. After so many times you begin to realize they're not really serious about it. Anyway, I've been in similar situations and felt like a total chump because of it. It made me feel used and like I wasn't trustworthy enough to talk to. It's very frustrating and can lead to self doubt. Edited August 3, 2013 by HiddenUser
TaraMaiden Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Well theres nothing she can do to change it now. I guess I just wish she would know she can tell me whatever and not hold back and think she has to tell someone else. She has to develop trust and know you respect her. maybe her buddy was more of a close buddy than you believed., But he was a guy friend before you came onto the scene. Honestly, you're getting worked up over nothing... Just give her good foundation to always trust you, believe in you and communicate with her. Relationships take work. on both sides. So work. Together. You shouldn't be telling us this. You should be talking it over with her. openly. 1
Author DepressedinDenver Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 Thank you guys. I just wanted to hear some advice and perspectives.
Recommended Posts