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The Art Of Romance -- Gone?

MrCastle

By MrCastle
in General Relationship Discussion

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sweetkiwi Established Member

sweetkiwi

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Romance to me is handing a woman a checklist of sexual fantasies and us finishing the list in a weekend. :)

Maybe we would work out :)

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soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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Well my little lamb chop, how do you feel about being sponged down naked in a warm bubble bath? I'll even use a loofah made out of European lamb wool.

 

Yup, that would do it! :love:

lino Established Member

lino

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Romance is rarely appreciated so yes, it is all but gone.

Sad but true.

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soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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Romance is rarely appreciated so yes, it is all but gone.

Sad but true.

 

I haven't met a woman yet that didn't appreciate romance. I sometimes wonder where these women come from that some of the guys on LS date....:rolleyes:

Frogwife Established Member

Frogwife

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:confused:

Waaaa daaaa fuuuu?

 

 

 

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

I dont even know what to say to all of that.

 

LOOOOOOL !!!!!! I read that message and thought "what the f*ck is this guy talking about???" and scrolled down and read your response.... God bless him for trying, tho... :)

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Ninjainpajamas Established Member

Ninjainpajamas

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LOOOOOOL !!!!!! I read that message and thought "what the f*ck is this guy talking about???" and scrolled down and read your response.... God bless him for trying, tho... :)

 

That is definitely not a topic I am going to elaborate on, you either get it or you don't ;)

 

*skips around in a circle singing* "I know something you don't, I know something you dooon't"

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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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I don't think you are being honest, women as ridiculously beautiful as you get way more than your fair share of both.

You'd think so.....

Revolver Established Member

Revolver

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I think its that many guys don't have to do it anymore as opposed to the past. There's alot of young women right now who have never actually been courted, asked out on dates, or been in a relationship. All they've known their whole life is just being a Bootycall. Now when a girl says I've never been asked out I believe it as opposed to before

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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LOOOOOOL !!!!!! I read that message and thought "what the f*ck is this guy talking about???" and scrolled down and read your response.... God bless him for trying, tho... :)

 

Ha - I thought it was a great insight in how men really think. I just kept nodding my head through the whole passage: yep, yes, on the ball, nailed it :)

truth_seeker Established Member

truth_seeker

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The way things are today with social media and OLD, dating has become like a fast food chain - get your fix and get out fast. There's no more build up. It's "Hi, we hooking up?" No? Onto the next.

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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The way things are today with social media and OLD, dating has become like a fast food chain - get your fix and get out fast. There's no more build up. It's "Hi, we hooking up?" No? Onto the next.

 

Exactly. Men don't bother with building up anticipation or seduction anymore. Women are all "Do you want to get married and have kids like really soon???" - on the first date.

 

Nobody cares about the connection and romance. Just take the shortest way to either screwing or marrying, depending on the sex :(

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StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

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I don't think it's gone, just on life support. Maybe a generation or two away from extinction. If you spend too much time reading the posts on here, you may come to believe it's dead and buried.

 

I don't see the point in splitting hairs really on the definition. Honestly most FWB or ONS situations are not going to fit a traditional model of romance, although it is entirely possible they may occur in a romantic setting or scenario. It's just not likely.

 

FWB is not my thing, however after a long dry spell I did have one last year and I didn't have any romantic feelings for her. She was sexy and I was attracted to her but she was a few years older and I knew there was no future and I just didn't feel romantic in that way towards her. I have a steady gf now but even if I didn't I don't think I would do the FWB thing again.

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Ninjainpajamas Established Member

Ninjainpajamas

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Here is a few questions for you all...

 

What period of time in history was "romance" at it's peak, or was prevalent? If in today's society it's such a overlooked luxury.

 

What era influences your perception of romance, or even what sources define it? What is the first image that come to mind when you think of romance? (besides your current SO or what not)

KathyM Established Member

KathyM

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My husband was very good at romancing me, which is one of the reasons I fell in love with him. He still is good at romancing me, and makes the effort on a daily basis, which keeps me interested and excited and in love. :love: I do think it's a lost art that a lot of the twenty something men don't understand how to do.

dasein Established Member

dasein

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Romance is mostly dead. The Pill, telecomm/technology and feminism, among other things, killed it. It may rise from the grave stronger though in future backlash movements.

 

The pill obviated the need for all the accoutrement of sex people once found worthy pastimes. In the past, sex was a much more weighty decision, especially for women, but for men as well. Now, we can skip lots of socially necessary steps and get right to the act itself. Our sex lives are all low-risk dessert, no preceding meal today, no buildup. Romance needs risk and time to gel. If nothing is at stake, romantic feelings gain no traction.

 

Telecomm/transportation technology killed the written letter, killed anticipation from absence that allowed feelings of being romanced or romancing to grow. We live in an age of "here's my 140 characters, where's yours?" Ever wonder why so many romantic conventions in fiction revolve around war, ships, trains, long trips? ("Dracula," great example of this) Because absence and silence are romantic, romance needs time and a certain exotic element to flourish. Uncertainty is the key factor in limernence, the chemical portion of love. As many threads as we see here where someone is wondering "They took 5 hours to text me back, is it over?" just imagine, "My beloved has been at war for five years, and his letters stopped a year ago. I walk a mile to the military outpost every day and wait hours for the courier."

 

Feminism killed romance by creating all kinds of new (and imaginary) slights against women in the attempt to solidify women into a malleable voting bloc via shared victimhood. Every action of male courtship was made suspect as some variation of "patriarchy" or even outright oppression of women. Once feminism achieved it's political goal, legal consequences of it and pandering to maternal proclivities in the female vote turned us into a "safety-stranger-danger" culture. The man camping on the door of the beloved was no longer "romantic," but a creepy stalker. Romantic gestures could be found charming (provided the romancer is attractive to the target of the gesture) or attempts to "buy me." Any seduction techniques that men dare talk about are necessarily evil manipulation despite their goal to elicit a favorable repsonse in women via what was once called "romance."

 

The above developments, with the exception of feminism, have desirable social benefits of course. They allow choices we didn't have before. In the future, it is possible there will be a romantic renaissance that creates new categories of romantic expressions and movements in spite of or in concert with the above types of developments, but for the now? Romance is mostly dead and in the grave it shall remain.

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tbf Established Member

tbf

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Here is a few questions for you all...

 

What period of time in history was "romance" at it's peak, or was prevalent? If in today's society it's such a overlooked luxury.

 

What era influences your perception of romance, or even what sources define it? What is the first image that come to mind when you think of romance? (besides your current SO or what not)

The Romantic Era was a direct result of the Industrial revolution, so, began and ended in the early to mid 19th century. It was the embracing of emotionality, all things natural and primitive spirituality, in dramatic counterpoint to rationality and the socio and political nobility focused intellectual movement of the Age of Enlightenment. ;)
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xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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The less romance is necessary, the more genuine it is. Romance will never disappear, because there will always be a man who feels passion and courts a woman because he truly wants to please her.

 

Romance will always be a luxury. It never has been, and never will be, common. That's what makes it special.

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KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

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The less romance is necessary, the more genuine it is. Romance will never disappear, because there will always be a man who feels passion and courts a woman because he truly wants to please her.

 

Romance will always be a luxury. It never has been, and never will be, common. That's what makes it special.

 

This. Anything done in excess will start to lose its luster.

 

Romance isn't dead and it's different for every couple.

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Robert Z Established Member

Robert Z

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Just stroll over to the sex forum if you want to see the art of romance gone. :laugh:

 

Pffft. I bend over backwards to romance my escort/sb. When I have a real lover again she is in for a treat. :cool:

 

I like knowing that so much of the competition is so inept. :laugh:

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TheGuard13 Established Member

TheGuard13

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So in ten pages we've established that:

 

Romance is in the eye of the beholder.

 

I think only really the last few posts cut to the heart of it, though there was a good post earlier that pointed out that it's all relative, and depends on the people involved.

 

The official definition?

 

Noun

A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.

 

No, it's not dead, and it won't be until excitement and mystery become a thing of the past.

 

There was never a time when every relationship had a lot of romance in it, so I don't even know what "dead" means in context.

 

It just means different things for different people, just like love does. In today's culture, especially the hookup culture, people are starting to view different things as "exciting" and "mysterious" than they did 20, 30, 40 years ago. In other words, the things that people view as "romance" are changing somewhat.

Phoe Established Member

Phoe

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I don't think you are being honest, women as ridiculously beautiful as you get way more than your fair share of both.

 

 

 

lol.

 

 

I do thank you or the compliment, but "ridiculously beautiful" is a massive overstatement lol. I'm reasonably average looking, with some good qualities perhaps, but nothing that can't be found anywhere else :)

 

 

I don't see why you find it hard to believe that I haven't been "seduced", that I haven't experienced real romance. It just hasn't happened. I'd be happy to experience it, but I don't really expect it.

Harradin Established Member

Harradin

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I get really romantic and cringy when I'm in love with a girl :o. I guess that I want to treat her right and show her how much she means to me, its nice if she reacts well to the romance too! Its ironic considering I'm not very emotional at all normally! I've not been able to seduce a girl with my romance notions (although past girlfriends have loved it) though, I've found that teasing and joking seems to work the best to "seduce," but it sounds really immature when I type it tbh...

 

But nowadays it does seem embarrassing etc, especially I suppose in public.

hylein New Member

hylein

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you know what's really cut to the heart romantic is that my husband taught me to fight with him when i'm really a conflict phobe. loved him with everything i had put that in a movie and see the hearts go pitter patter, candles and roses seduction and buble baths........prrrrrrr give me solid any day

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It-is-what-it-is. Established Member

It-is-what-it-is.

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Romance is different to everyone.

 

It may start with a couple of movie like attempts, but progress to customized versions as you get to know someone.

 

But it is based on actually listening to your partner (casual or long term) because what one person sees as romantic (coffee in the morning gesture) would be seen as a baseline requirement.

 

So for example, MrCastle would likely have only a short time of experience with a partner so may need to depend on the tried and true, planning and executing of the perfect date.

 

Where as MrIIWII knows that I am not a morning person so brewing and bringing me coffee in bed is romantic. :love:To me.

 

It's basically the evidence of.."I thought of what you would love specifically...and did that for you to make you happy." Whatever THAT IS.

 

For some...rose petals strewn across the bed....so romantic...

 

for others that gesture while nice and all results in an meh, where as a set of clean freshly laundered sheets (oh baby) are far more romantic.:love:

 

Is romance dead?...It certainly is on life support. Cell phones, texting, multi tasking, all mean we are not truly "in the moment" so we miss the nuggets that make romance possible.

 

We are all guilty of it.

  • Like 1
sweetjasmine Established Member

sweetjasmine

Posted
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The way things are today with social media and OLD, dating has become like a fast food chain - get your fix and get out fast. There's no more build up. It's "Hi, we hooking up?" No? Onto the next.

 

People teach others how they want to be treated. It's possible to avoid folks with the fast food "Sex? Y/N?" mentality and find a more meaningful connection.

 

So, no, romance isn't dead. Not so sure it was ever really "alive" in the way lots of people seem to imagine it.

 

I also agree with those who say it's in the eye of the beholder. Romance is more than the grand public gestures drawn from movies and fiction.

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