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The Art Of Romance -- Gone?

MrCastle

By MrCastle
in General Relationship Discussion

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Weezy1973 Established Member

Weezy1973

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You keep not making sense.

For one, what do romantic gestures equal if not romance?

The idea of what one person finds romantic can be vastly different from what another person considers romantic.

 

I suspect our differences really boils down to semantics - like a lot of debates on LS tend to. For me romance definitely is associated with being in love with someone.

 

I pay for all meals when dating, including first dates. I hold doors open and hold their coats for them. A lot of women I date make an effort to look really nice, even if it's our first date. For me, none of those things are romantic. They are just part of the dating ritual.

 

If, however, I was married for 20 years, and we both got dressed nice and I held open the door for her, and made sure I paid for dinner (even if we have a joint account), that would be romantic.

 

Do you see the difference?

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miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

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I firmly believe that genuine romance is a romantic gesture done purely out of want with no hidden agenda.

 

Such can be found in any situation, whether in love or not.

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tbf Established Member

tbf

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That's your answer? Can't answer the actual question I posed? It's a hypothetical, so. Let's just assume you do have "non-monogamous relationships."

 

What then?

I can't answer this hypothetical since underlying heart is a necessary part of my attraction model.

 

It's similar to asking my preference about which variety of sea slug I'd prefer to try, when eating sea slugs isn't part of a necessary diet.

 

I'd rather beat off. :laugh:

 

I can see why your romance model might appeal to some women. And if nothing else, you're entertaining.

Pyro Established Member

Pyro

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I firmly believe that genuine romance is a romantic gesture done purely out of want with no hidden agenda.

 

Such can be found in any situation, whether in love or not.

 

In all honesty do you think if a man in a casual relationship with genuine romance towards the female and never got laid would still be romantic out of want?

 

The agenda is getting laid and if there wasn't sex involved then there wouldn't be any casual relationships.

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MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

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I can't answer this hypothetical since underlying heart is a necessary part of my attraction model.

 

It's similar to asking my preference about which variety of sea slug I'd prefer to try, when eating sea slugs isn't part of a necessary diet.

 

I'd rather beat off. :laugh:

 

I can see why your romance model might appeal to some women. And if nothing else, you're entertaining.

 

Just because you'd (almost undoubtedly) pick the second man in my example, doesn't necessarily mean I'm right or you're wrong. All of this is opinion. From page one onward. Nothing here is fact. Initial topic was is romance gone?, and that became romance exists only if you're in a relationship, and variations of that idea.

 

I was interested in getting your opinion on what man would you choose between the two I provided in my hypothetical question. It would add an interesting element to this discussion.

Sunshine87 Established Member

Sunshine87

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Romantic gesture ( which some use as a tool for seduction ) v romance ( emotional bond, love, friendship, enduring etc).

 

Isn't it obvious that these two are completely different ?

 

It's like believing that lust is the same as love, simply because they often appear or manifest in the same way ( superficially)

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xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Romance is alive and well in my home, and my children are observing it. They'll carry it on, along with their lucky peers.

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MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

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Romantic gesture ( which some use as a tool for seduction ) v romance ( emotional bond, love, friendship, enduring etc).

 

Isn't it obvious that these two are completely different ?

 

It's like believing that lust is the same as love, simply because they often appear or manifest in the same way ( superficially)

 

It seems in your example, motivation is the difference right?

 

I'm doing this because I want to have sex vs I'm doing this because he/she is the love of my life -- correct?

 

But what me and a few other posters are saying is -- why do you have to be exclusive in order to be romantic? Why is it that sex is the only focus on casual to some? As I said, there are plenty of reasons why people don't enter LTRs, and they don't have to do with not having an emotional connection with someone.

 

And as also mentioned before, you can be in a LTR and do things strictly for sex and not at all because you truly love the person.

 

Flimsy, bs relationships begin and end every day.

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Divasu Established Member

Divasu

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In all honesty do you think if a man in a casual relationship with genuine romance towards the female and never got laid would still be romantic out of want?

 

The agenda is getting laid and if there wasn't sex involved then there wouldn't be any casual relationships.

 

Bingo.

 

Casual = Without definite or serious intention; careless or offhand.

 

That is why it is called CASUAL and there is nothing romantic about it. Let's not confuse genuine romance with illusion and fantasy (aka 'fluff').

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

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In all honesty do you think if a man in a casual relationship with genuine romance towards the female and never got laid would still be romantic out of want?

 

The agenda is getting laid and if there wasn't sex involved then there wouldn't be any casual relationships.

 

You could say the same about a man in a committed relationship could you not?

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hoping2heal Established Member

hoping2heal

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This post just reminded me that I need to be more romantic, sigh

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xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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You keep not making sense.

For one, what do romantic gestures equal if not romance?

 

A romantic gesture that is not actually based in love equals dishonesty.

Pyro Established Member

Pyro

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You could say the same about a man in a committed relationship could you not?

 

Are you talking about a relationship where the couple has normal or above amounts of sex or a relationship where there is little to no sex? IMO there is a difference when dealing with this subject.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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You could say the same about a man in a committed relationship could you not?

 

When my husband of 20 years brings me my coffee in the morning, it is not to get laid. It is to show love and affection.

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hoping2heal Established Member

hoping2heal

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A romantic gesture that is not actually based in love equals dishonesty.

 

Actually, this is correct if we're talking technical terms. Romance is defined by love; that isn't slang or pop culture. That definition can be found in any random dictionary. I get what the OP is saying but I also feel like it's all for show.

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

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A romantic gesture that is not actually based in love equals dishonesty.

 

When my husband of 20 years brings me my coffee in the morning, it is not to get laid. It is to show love and affection.

 

 

 

:rolleyes:

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

 

Not to mention that I personally don't find my boyfriend doing the dishes for me, or bringing me coffee in the morning romantic gestures.

 

 

 

 

The logic is so skewed of some of you.

In other words, if a man in love, were to get flowers for his lady love, it is romance?

What if it is because he royally messed up and is trying to make up for something? Is it still romance?

Yet if a guy I am merely dating gets me flowers for no reason it is trickery?

 

:confused:

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MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

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What some aren't addressing are the very real relationships in which one or both people are using each other for selfish reasons.

 

Girls who have a new boyfriend every two months because she needs someone, anyone, to ease her feelings of lonliness.

 

Men who don't have success in finding steady sex, so they lock down the first girl who shows interest so they can have regular sex.

 

They may, too, do "romantic gestures," but they're bs, because they are only doing it to serve their own selfish needs. Just because they are "in a relationship" doesn't make them any more or less romantic than their casual counterparts.

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miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

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Are you talking about a relationship where the couple has normal or above amounts of sex or a relationship where there is little to no sex? IMO there is a difference when dealing with this subject.

 

So what you are saying is that it isn't so black and white?

Shocker.

 

If a man in a relationship did romantic gestures and rarely got laid, don't you think he wouldn't do them either?

Romance is romance... whether love is there or not. Emotion MUST be there, but that emotion can be fleeting.

 

Which is why I fully believe anyone can be romantic, anyone in any sort of relationship can experience romance. It isn't only for committed people in love.

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sweetkiwi Established Member

sweetkiwi

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In other words, if a man in love, were to get flowers for his lady love, it is romance? Romantic, though I don't really like them. I'd rather have a plant that is alive.

 

What if it is because he royally messed up and is trying to make up for something? Is it still romance? NOT romantic, and kinda makes me wanna :sick::sick::sick: if that's the only time he gets them. Ruins it.

 

Yet if a guy I am merely dating gets me flowers for no reason it is trickery? Not at all, but dating casually IS different than dating with a goal in mind, like a relationship with that person because they are special. I would be weirded out if a dude who I was just banging, or had only been on a few dates with, got me flowers. Call me crazy.

 

:confused:

(10 characters)

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miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

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Doing something out of love does not equal romantic

Just like doing something romantic does not equal love.

Pyro Established Member

Pyro

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So what you are saying is that it isn't so black and white?

Shocker.

 

If a man in a relationship did romantic gestures and rarely got laid, don't you think he wouldn't do them either?

Romance is romance... whether love is there or not. Emotion MUST be there, but that emotion can be fleeting.

 

Which is why I fully believe anyone can be romantic, anyone in any sort of relationship can experience romance. It isn't only for committed people in love.

 

Notice in both my scenarios they were committed relationships. Shocker.

 

There are no real emotions in a casual fling. You know ahead of time that there will be an expiration date on the fling so no emotions are involved or invested.

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xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Romantic gestures that are for the purpose of getting laid, and not expressing love, are dishonest and misleading, whether in a relationship or not.

 

My morning coffee is incredibly romantic to me, and it is genuinely motivated by love.

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MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

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Notice in both my scenarios they were committed relationships. Shocker.

 

There are no real emotions in a casual fling. You know ahead of time that there will be an expiration date on the fling so no emotions are involved or invested.

 

Ahh yes because I know before I start a fling, I tell the girl it will last six weeks and no more.

 

And of course, no one has ever had their feelings hurt in a casual relationship.

 

Just a bunch of people signing love contracts and banging until the contract expires

Divasu Established Member

Divasu

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:rolleyes:

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

 

Not to mention that I personally don't find my boyfriend doing the dishes for me, or bringing me coffee in the morning romantic gestures.

 

 

 

 

The logic is so skewed of some of you.

In other words, if a man in love, were to get flowers for his lady love, it is romance?

What if it is because he royally messed up and is trying to make up for something? Is it still romance?

Yet if a guy I am merely dating gets me flowers for no reason it is trickery?

 

:confused:

 

Look, I think it boils down to how people view love and the romantic gestures associated with it. Some people view love, in a romantic context, as an ongoing action and a commitment. Similar to how you've chosen to be supportive of your boyfriend, while he is off in another country to pursue his dreams. I find that, romantic, because it shows how deeply committed you are to your boyfriend and how much you value the relationship.

 

Not fleeting, and not based on the 'surface'.

Pyro Established Member

Pyro

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Ahh yes because I know before I start a fling, I tell the girl it will last six weeks and no more.

 

And of course, no one has ever had their feelings hurt in a casual relationship.

 

Just a bunch of people signing love contracts and banging until the contract expires

 

Hey you're the one who proudly waves the flag here that you are up front and honest with your intentions. By that if you are honest then you should be telling her that it is casual and is not long term before you and her start banging.

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