The Art Of Romance -- Gone?

[MrCastle]

Is romance dead? When was the last time you got seduced? I mean really seduced. I'm talking about a passionate courting. Not just some guy asking you "hey you wanna go to the movies?"

 

This is not just geared towards women -- when I visit pua forums as a guest, every "lay report" begins and ends with a guy going to a bar and finding a woman with the ideal amount of alcohol in her. Not so much that she's vomiting, but enough that her standards are lowered significantly and her judgement is impaired. Not very romantic, in my opinion.

 

You might say "but Castle, you don't believe in relationships, you have casual partners, how romantic can you be? Aren't you part of this anti-romance movement?"

 

Well, to that I'd say, you can be casual and still be romantic. Just because I don't want to settle down with one woman in particular doesn't mean all I'm doing is taking girls to a pizza place and then banging them in my car. I believe you can be romantic without being in a LTR just like you can be in a LTR and not be romantic.

 

Having a sense of romance, to me, is something you're either born with, or you're not.

 

From the outside looking in, and reading some of the threads here and elsewhere -- a lot of relationships are..."typical," to say the least. It's people going through the motions and not doing much as far as uniqueness/romance is concerned.

 

I guess one could argue it's more about attraction than anything. That if you're truly into the person, anything you do together is romantic, but I don't really see it that way.

 

I think romance takes effort. You make a conscious decision to do something different/special for someone as opposed to doing the bare minimum because in your mind "he/she already likes me so I don't have to do anything to prove myself."

 

How do you feel about romance these days? Lost art form?

[ThaWholigan]

I don't think the art is dead at all. Art never dies

 

Seriously though, I think there are a few reasons why.

 

One of them is obviously the fact that we are in the midst of a time where sexual freedom and experimentation is now a primary journey amongst us. I think this suits people who are primarily sex orientated and/or like f*cking for sport, amongst other things. However, it doesn't have to be something we all adhere to. Which leads me to one of my other reasons - my own theory.

 

One of the reasons why the art of romance is so scarce to find now is because people perpetuate the notion and idea that it is so hard to find. (shocker) I think if more people held onto the premise of romance instead of so easily believing it to be dead, it would be more prevalent because more people would believe in it. I do not see why romance cannot exist in the society we live in now - just people need to stop being so led by these slogans and memes that cry about how romance is dead, and just be romantic if they want to be. And find someone who appreciates it.

 

People are funny nowadays. For such an extreme and all-or-nothing generation, we are really afraid of being hurt.

[MrCastle]

I don't think the art is dead at all. Art never dies

 

Seriously though, I think there are a few reasons why.

 

One of them is obviously the fact that we are in the midst of a time where sexual freedom and experimentation is now a primary journey amongst us. I think this suits people who are primarily sex orientated and/or like f*cking for sport, amongst other things. However, it doesn't have to be something we all adhere to. Which leads me to one of my other reasons - my own theory.

 

One of the reasons why the art of romance is so scarce to find now is because people perpetuate the notion and idea that it is so hard to find. (shocker) I think if more people held onto the premise of romance instead of so easily believing it to be dead, it would be more prevalent because more people would believe in it. I do not see why romance cannot exist in the society we live in now - just people need to stop being so led by these slogans and memes that cry about how romance is dead, and just be romantic if they want to be. And find someone who appreciates it.

 

People are funny nowadays. For such an extreme and all-or-nothing generation, we are really afraid of being hurt.

 

Interesting insight.

 

Well, I do think because of the way society is and what's acceptable nowadays, it's harder for romance to thrive. Or it just doesn't seem all that important now. You have those that I mentioned in my first post, that just do the bare minimum when it comes to casual sex, but this also happens in relationships too. Usually after the honeymoon phase. Things start to sort of settle down and people get comfortable and it just doesn't seem very romantic. I mean the fire dying out is always a big problem in LTRs. "He/she doesn't kiss me like they used to, we don't go to the kind of places or go on the kind of dates we used to, etc."

 

I mean, does romance have a shelf life? Or does it manifest itself in different ways? Are some things objectively romantic?

 

Again, this is from the outside looking in, but I don't see men or women doing many romantic gestures for each other. There's no courting anymore. People don't join in the dance of seduction. It's either you like someone and decide to date them, or you don't. Especially with OLD being as popular as it is now, it's giving someone a chance who looks good on paper. It's more of a business transaction than anything it feels like.

 

Of course there are exceptions, but that's what it feels like.

[WisdomSeeker]

Romance for my generation seems to be all but impractical and is therefore discarded.

 

Those behaviors that we describe as romantic are foregone luxuries of an older, more constrained social script. Courtship for prior generations was a somewhat ritualistic dance of sanctioned behaviors and expectations. John signals his interest in Jane by inviting her out to some affair. He further broadcasts his intentions as suitor by treating Jane to romantic evenings involving purchased flowers and candies, long walks along scenic beaches, diners with the appropriate musical and thematic ambiance, etc. Jane, if she feels so inclined, reciprocates with gestures of her own.

 

In that setting, romance was in a very real sense the socially approved language for two adults attracted to one another to express that attraction.

 

Now, with the relaxing of many social stigmas, the world operates with a much more informal tongue . My generation "speaks" only what needs to be spoken. Contemporary John doesn't need to advertise his intentions for Jane with elaborate, romantic gestures. This is accomplished by simply inviting her to hang out or, following a casual hook up, deciding to stick around and make the relationship official.

 

Personally, I would love to be able to romance a woman who commanded my attention, but I have to consider my social environment and how such actions would be received. Something tells me that my efforts would result in substantially less female companionship.

[miss_jaclynrae]

if more men watched romantic movies, I like to think romance would make a comeback.

 

With all the guys I have dated, very few have been truly romantic. None have been as romantic as I would like.

 

One guy [who to this day I have a tiny crush on and wish him the best woman out there] I dated on and off for a year was the best date ever. He always held the door open, NEVER let me pay for anything [as in I would always offer and he would literally get upset that I thought it was even an option] was very affectionate and would say the sweetest things.

I always felt like I was in a movie when with him, at the time when we were dating we were both very recently divorced, so no relationship came of it, but we had so much fun and he was such a sweetheart.

 

My boyfriend now is not as romantic as I wish he was, he was great at wooing me, but isn't a romantic at heart.

 

I wish so badly men were more romantic, luckily my guy listens to me, so all I have to do is tell him what I find romantic and he makes it happen.

[Ninjainpajamas]

If you look around at the type of men many women fall for, you'll be left thinking "what the F does she see in that guy?"...plain and average as can be, not talking about looks, but personality, behavior, the way he treats her, kisses her or even makes love to her (you know it sucks) or even acts towards her is nothing spectacular, maybe even embarrassing or abysmal...but that's not the point..women create that "romance" in their own heads, from their own perceptions, fueled by their very own emotions...it's a twist of reality that makes something feel unique or special, and If women are interested in that guy...he could be the most boring, douche-like, egotistical, unromatic, self-entitled idiot who really has no admirable qualities amongst all others but is the epiphany of all that woman's desires because of how she sees him, and nobody else can tell her differently.

 

So for women, it's the image they get in their heads that's romantic, not what's actually happening, they're trying to pull out the sweet moments and gestures in those moments where it may be few and far in-between.

 

And if a guy does act "romantic" it's typically something out of a movie they've seen or something along those lines, they aren't always creative about it and more importantly it's not really genuine (not that it isn't affective, it is for obvious reasons)...might be thoughtful and a great gesture but women generally also desire that sincerity and emotional availability in a man ideally for the dun dun dum long-term!...they want that (not always and generally speaking) to come from something real and from the heart...the facade and act itself is not what makes a romantic gesture romantic, it's the genuine thought and expression that is felt out of the gesture...It is something sincerely you're trying to express, not by being fake or something you are not, but trying, and even if it's super cheesy or not the fanciest most creative thing in the world, It will come out with good results if you've invested true thought and consideration (of course it has to be sensible)

 

Sure, you can swoon women with tantalizing tactics and mirror tricks, it works very well actually..and you'll be remembered for it If you're just trying to carve out a nitch in a woman's mind to always be remembered, but you're still missing the point out of it all IMO.

 

I could be one of the biggest manipulators to walk the earth, I know in great part exactly how women work...I could easily take advantage of that knowledge, implant thoughts, feelings, experiences and create perceptions of how I want to be seen and remembered then walk away feeling like a god saying...

 

"Shhh..don't you cry, I'm just a stallion, you're just the plains I roamed for the time being baby, time to find greener pastures, I must eat....but don't worry honey, do not cry, don't take it personal...I was born with estrong legs :: pounds on thighs:: to run baby, not stand...but I will always remember you...."

 

Her: "Oh my big romantic sweetheart I'm in love with you and want you to stay!! why!! porque!! you leave me all alone, why can't i have you, stay with me papi!"

 

:: finger pressed against lips ::

 

"Why is the sky blue? why is the grass green and why does the river flow?....some things were meant to be my sweet angel...one day a man is going to love you very much, you are an amazing woman...but I...I am an amazing man, and I must spread my seed and love, and especial romance to all the ladiez that walk the earth so that they can say...I know what's it's like to be loved by the great Frederico!"

 

:: imagines a bronze statue forged in his honor in a especial place in the ladiez hearts ::

 

It's ego man....ego.

Edited August 3, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas

[miss_jaclynrae]

If you look around at the type of men many women fall for, you'll be left thinking "what the F does she see in that guy?"...plain and average as can be, not talking about looks, but personality, behavior, the way he treats her, kisses her or even makes love to her (you know it sucks) or even acts towards her is nothing spectacular, maybe even embarrassing or abysmal...but that's not the point..women create that "romance" in their own heads, from their own perceptions, fueled by their very own emotions...it's a twist of reality that makes something feel unique or special, and If women are interested in that guy...he could be the most boring, douche-like, egotistical, unromatic, self-entitled idiot who really has no admirable qualities amongst all others but is the epiphany of all that woman's desires because of how she sees him, and nobody else can tell her differently.

 

So for women, it's the image they get in their heads that's romantic, not what's actually happening, they're trying to pull out the sweet moments and gestures in those moments where it may be few and far in-between.

 

And if a guy does act "romantic" it's typically something out of a movie they've seen or something along those lines, they aren't always creative about it and more importantly it's not really genuine (not that it isn't affective, it is for obvious reasons)...might be thoughtful and a great gesture but women generally also desire that sincerity and emotional availability in a man ideally for the dun dun dum long-term!...they want that (not always and generally speaking) to come from something real and from the heart...the facade and act itself is not what makes a romantic gesture romantic, it's the genuine thought and expression that is felt out of the gesture...It is something sincerely you're trying to express, not by being fake or something you are not, but trying, and even if it's super cheesy or not the fanciest most creative thing in the world, It will come out with good results if you've invested true thought and consideration (of course it has to be sensible)

 

Sure, you can swoon women with tantalizing tactics and mirror tricks, it works very well actually..and you'll be remembered for it If you're just trying to carve out a nitch in a woman's mind to always be remembered, but you're still missing the point out of it all IMO.

I could be one of the biggest manipulators to walk the earth, I know in great part exactly how women work...I could easily take advantage of that knowledge, implant thoughts, feelings, experiences and create perceptions of how I want to be seen and remembered then walk away feeling like a god saying...

 

"Shhh..don't you cry, I'm just a stallion, you're just the plains I roamed for the time being baby, time to find greener pastures, I must eat....but don't worry honey, do not cry, don't take it personal...I was born with estrong legs :: pounds on thighs:: to run baby, not stand...but I will always remember you...."

 

Her: "Oh my big romantic sweetheart I'm in love with you and want you to stay!! why!! porque!! you leave me all alone, why can't i have you, stay with me papi!"

 

:: finger pressed against lips ::

 

"Why is the sky blue? why is the grass green and why does the river flow?....some things were meant to be my sweet angel...one day a man is going to love you very much, you are an amazing woman...but I...I am an amazing man, and I must spread my seed and love, and especial romance to all the ladiez that walk the earth so that they can say...I know what's it's like to be loved by the great Frederico!"

 

:: imagines a bronze statue forged in his honor in a especial place in the ladiez hearts ::

 

It's ego man....ego.

 

 

 

Waaaa daaaa fuuuu?

 

 

 

 

:lmao:

I dont even know what to say to all of that.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Waaaa daaaa fuuuu?

 

 

 

 

:lmao:

I dont even know what to say to all of that.

 

In a word....Charm.

[Woggle]

It isn't dead but certainly an endangered concept. I just think people these day are into impersonal and meaningless sex. I have even heard people bragging that they didn't know a partner's name as if it was a good thing.

[Divasu]

Well, to that I'd say, you can be casual and still be romantic.

 

I disagree.

 

Casual, is casual and there is nothing romantic about it. Unless you're talking about superficial romance. Real romance, involves emotional attachment, affection and fondness.

 

In the context of a casual relationship, that rarely exists by both parties involved.

[veggirl]

I disagree.

 

Casual, is casual and there is nothing romantic about it. Unless you're talking about superficial romance. Real romance, involves emotional attachment, affection and fondness.

 

In the context of a casual relationship, that rarely exists by both parties involved.

 

Totally agree. "romance" from a casual partner would just read as disingenous to me, an elaborate way to get me in bed, basically. And coming from Castle, I'd feel like I'm nothing but an experiment or practice for him.

 

Real romance is quiet and has nothing to do with who pays for what or elaborate dates. Romance is a tender thing, I don't believe you can have romance with someone you aren't in love with. You could have cheesy movie moments and fantastic dates but that isn't romance, that is superficial showings, I mean they CAN include "romance" but...there's nothing romantic about a fabulous date with someone who is gonna be dating someone new next week.

[Divasu]

Waaaa daaaa fuuuu?

 

 

 

 

:lmao:

I dont even know what to say to all of that.

 

Ninja needs to lay off the ganja man.

[MrCastle]

I disagree.

 

Casual, is casual and there is nothing romantic about it. Unless you're talking about superficial romance. Real romance, involves emotional attachment, affection and fondness.

 

In the context of a casual relationship, that rarely exists by both parties involved.

 

I think romantic gestures can be done within the context of a casual relationship. You can also seduce someone in that medium as well as be highly passionate with them.

 

I don't think casual sex is this thing where you are having sex with no feelings or sense of passion/romance whatsoever. Many women have said I'm very romantic and I have not yet entered a LTR. That goes back to my original belief that you either have that trait in you or you don't.

 

I don't see relationships, long term or casual, determining that. Because you can have a boyfriend or a husband who is content with just having sex and taking you to the movies every once in a while. And you can have a casual partner who wants to take you to the beach at night to stargaze and talk about the wonders of the world.

[MrCastle]

Totally agree. "romance" from a casual partner would just read as disingenous to me, an elaborate way to get me in bed, basically. And coming from Castle, I'd feel like I'm nothing but an experiment or practice for him.

 

Real romance is quiet and has nothing to do with who pays for what or elaborate dates. Romance is a tender thing, I don't believe you can have romance with someone you aren't in love with. You could have cheesy movie moments and fantastic dates but that isn't romance, that is superficial showings, I mean they CAN include "romance" but...there's nothing romantic about a fabulous date with someone who is gonna be dating someone new next week.

 

First of all, I don't need practice. Second of all, that's messed up.

[PogoStick]

Why isn't a pizza place romantic?

 

This one in Denver had their 2-ton traditional stone oven imported from Italy.

[WisdomSeeker]

I disagree.

 

Casual, is casual and there is nothing romantic about it. Unless you're talking about superficial romance. Real romance, involves emotional attachment, affection and fondness.

 

In the context of a casual relationship, that rarely exists by both parties involved.

 

Would you then say that romance for you is synonymous with intimacy?

[MrCastle]

Why isn't a pizza place romantic?

 

This one in Denver had their 2-ton traditional stone oven imported from Italy.

 

Well personal slights aside, some people brought up interesting questions. Is what I'm describing "romance," or just "romantic gestures?" Is there a difference? Is romance an emotional thing that cannot be explained? Or a physical, concrete showing? Or both? Can you have one without the other?

 

As in, romantic gestures for a casual partner, but for those in LTRs, do things that, while not inherently "romantic," are romantic because it's between two people in love?

 

Ahhh so many questions!

[miss_jaclynrae]

Castle, I agree with you. Romance can be sincere and romantic even if it doesn't lead to anything beyond one night.

 

 

I think romance means MORE and it is more loving when shown by someone you have been with for a good amount of time. Because it no longer is just "wooing" but something done because they truly wanted to show thier love.

[Divasu]

I don't think casual sex is this thing where you are having sex with no feelings or sense of passion/romance whatsoever.

 

But what type of 'feelings' are you referring to? Fleeting feelings, or, something a bit more concrete...

 

Many women have said I'm very romantic and I have not yet entered a LTR. That goes back to my original belief that you either have that trait in you or you don't.

 

I think you have very creative and imaginative thoughts just from what I've observed on the forum. That's your personality and it works for you. And, some women will be drawn to that, and view their interactions with you as romantic. That's where having similar mindsets and views on romance, come into play.

 

I don't see relationships, long term or casual, determining that. Because you can have a boyfriend or a husband who is content with just having sex and taking you to the movies every once in a while. And you can have a casual partner who wants to take you to the beach at night to stargaze and talk about the wonders of the world.

 

Yes, and that's when people cheat. But, how is that romantic?

[Divasu]

Would you then say that romance for you is synonymous with intimacy?

 

Pretty much.

[Pyro]

If it is casual/one night then it is more of a show that you are putting on because in the end you don't want anything more than just sex.

 

For a serious/LTR you do it not only for sex but because you really do love the person and want to make them happy and show that you truly appreciate them.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Why isn't a pizza place romantic?

 

This one in Denver had their 2-ton traditional stone oven imported from Italy.

 

Man I could really go for some pizza! :love:

 

Ninja needs to lay off the ganja man.

 

But maybe it's because I'm just High! my damn pic didn't load...argh

[ThaWholigan]

What about the practical things we do for a partner?

 

Like staying in with them and cooking food for them while they're sick and watching bad b-movies?

 

Or giving them massages after they had a long day at work.

[Divasu]

Man I could really go for some pizza! :love:

 

 

 

But maybe it's because I'm just High! my damn pic didn't load...argh

 

Yup, affirmative.

[miss_jaclynrae]

What about the practical things we do for a partner?

 

Like staying in with them and cooking food for them while they're sick and watching bad b-movies?

 

Or giving them massages after they had a long day at work.

 

 

Call me high maintenance, but I find those things to be give ins.

I think that shows that different people find different things romantic. I find something like that sweet, but in no way would I label my man a romantic for it.