Drseussgrrl Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a month. He lives about an hour away. He has always made the drive to see me several times a week. I started to wonder why he never invited me down to his place. I knew that he lived on a property in horse country in Virginia that he manages for his family, but he never said too much about it specifically. I just figured it was an old house on some land that he lived on. He doesn't drive a fancy car and he's never once acted snooty or entitled. Just a down to earth dude who loves football and his dogs. Last night I finally made the trek down there and let's just say it was NOTHING like I expected. This is an old colonial home on 11 acres on rolling hills with beautifully landscaped grounds. There is a gate house, two cottages, a studio apartment and a beautiful old barn that's been turned into an additional apartment. One of the tenants keeps a horse, too. I don't really know what to make of this. On the one hand I love that he doesn't flaunt his family's wealth but on the other I just feel a little weird about it all. I don't really know how to explain this. Everything has been going really well between us, but it's almost kind of like - who are you? My family is by no means well off and I'm a self made woman. I just think my god we come from two different worlds. He is a prep school kid and I rocked public all my life. I'm not entirely sure what the point of this thread is. Just feeling pretty weird about this whole thing.
CloverField1227 Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 What's the big deal? Just get used to it. Don't let superficial external factors change your view of him if he's treated you consistently. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 I'm not entirely sure what the point of this thread is. Just feeling pretty weird about this whole thing. I think that's referred to as bragging I would pretty much be the same way If I was in his position, there's plenty of women that may be more inclined to shack up with you once they realize that you've actually got it. I wouldn't want anyone interested in me for money/prestige/social status, while others may flaunt it or try to pronounce the fact that they are successful/well-off...I think personal/family success is personal, although it's something women may be attracted to or judge you on, as you could make a potential provider. I don't know what his mind-set with it was, but I don't think it's a big deal, but maybe you've never dated someone from that background and maybe feel a little bit intimidated/insecure about it. 5
Author Drseussgrrl Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 Maybe it's just a world I am not accustomed to. He's taking me to a polo match tonight. I feel like Julia Roberts. I mean what do you even wear to this stuff. I'm certainly not trying to brag - I can see where it might come off that way. But my friends and I play corn hole and go tubing. We don't go to polo matches. LOL 3
Joaquin Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 (edited) Believe it or not some rich people want to be loved just for who they are, and are very cautious about who they let in. And when wealthy the best way to stop money being an issue when getting to know someone new is.....not to make an issue of it. That said, bringing a girl to a luxury pad when u have been playing it all cool is usually extremely attractive to a girl. Edited August 3, 2013 by Joaquin 2
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Maybe it's just a world I am not accustomed to. He's taking me to a polo match tonight. I feel like Julia Roberts. I mean what do you even wear to this stuff./QUOTE] Didn't expect to read such a fun post! Hope you have a wonderful time and glad you are a person he can trust to focus on him and not his possessions! Sounds as if he enjoys your companionship and you enjoy his! Wonderful for both of you! And if you continue dating him you will find that you have been given "gifts" that he hasn't been given and that you can share with him to enrich his life, too!
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 PS Bet he'd enjoy playing corn hole (whatever that is?) with you and your friends and going tubing (know all about that one and love it!)
Tropi_cali510 Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Lol wealth has nothing to do with you get along with each other. I kinda see where your coming from but just go with the flow/along with it. If he likes you, he likes you because of who you are, not because of she's not rich as me, her house is smaller than mine. If the connection is there between you two then good.
CloverField1227 Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Maybe it's just a world I am not accustomed to. He's taking me to a polo match tonight. I feel like Julia Roberts. I mean what do you even wear to this stuff. I'm certainly not trying to brag - I can see where it might come off that way. But my friends and I play corn hole and go tubing. We don't go to polo matches. LOL I can believe you're not trying to brag. Don't take this personally, but I think it's great that he doesn't let wealth get in the way of his dating preferences. It shouldn't be an issue and I hope you can see the way he does, which I think that's the message he's silently conveying to you.
findingnemo Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 You are like a breath of fresh air to him. He got to know you without having to worry about superficial things. Don't go changing now. Just be yourself. Wear something simple and smart, preferably a dress. No hats or anything fancy. Wear heels too. While there don't talk if you can help it. Just listen and be polite but brief. Smile and don't offer too much information about where you are from. The outing is about you two not about other people who will seem intimidating. Most of all, have fun. Polo is interesting especially since so few people play it. It is an exclusive club of sorts. Personally I find the horses really smell after the game. And I constantly worry about a major accident happening. Poor horses! 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Maybe it's just a world I am not accustomed to. He's taking me to a polo match tonight. I feel like Julia Roberts. I mean what do you even wear to this stuff. I'm certainly not trying to brag - I can see where it might come off that way. But my friends and I play corn hole and go tubing. We don't go to polo matches. LOL I think the most important thing you have to worry about right now is what you're going to wear, there may be friends/acquaintances that you will meet there as well, so put on your happy/socialite face! I would recommend wearing something light, airy, glamorous and sophisticated but something that really let's your hair down and says "I'm no prude", such as THIS 1
FitChick Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Would you have been happier to find he lived in a shack? If yes, it means you're insecure. Lack of money causes many people to split up so count your blessings if you marry. I've been to polo games and everyone dressed casually. I didn't see anyone dressed like Julia Roberts!
Author Drseussgrrl Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 "While there don't talk if you can help it. Just listen and be polite but brief. Smile and don't offer too much information about where you are from. The outing is about you two not about other people who will seem intimidating." LOL! You obviously don't know me AT ALL. I just got off the phone with him and he assured me that it's much more casual than I'm expecting. So I just pulled out my favorite Ann Taylor dress and a string of pearls. No hat I think that, most of all, I appreciate that he never once made it out to seem that we're different "classes" as it were. However I'm no slouch, either. I put myself through college, too. Go Heels.
findingnemo Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Ann Taylor is a good bet. You'll be fine and will get to enjoy something new. It may turn out not to be your thing which is fine too. Your guy sounds like someone who wants to be accepted as he is. However, ask him if there are any other things you should know. It is cute that he was acting coy and all. It gave him a chance to evaluate you but you need to evaluate him too. You can't do this if he hides who he really is from you.
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 I say go for it. Who cares if you guys grew up differently? If I had to date someone who grew up similarly to me... well I would not have the pick of the bunch! Have fun and don't let it change your perspective on who HE is.
Phantom888 Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 He enjoys a double-life, or lying through omission. If you can trust him, keep seeing him.
sweetjasmine Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Maybe it's just a world I am not accustomed to. I can totally relate. One of my college friends was similar - very down to earth, cool, easy to get along with, not snobby at all. His family was old money, and it wasn't something he really talked about. Right before graduation, his parents invited a group of us to come up to Martha's Vineyard with him for a little mini-vacation, since the family owns property up there. The three of us who went were from middle class families, and hanging out with my friend's family was like stepping into an alternate universe. They were lovely people - very welcoming and warm - but their way of life was alien to us. We still had a great time, but there were awkward moments. Give it a shot, anyway. Go have fun. I have a feeling the "what planet am I on now?" sensation tends to fade, anyway... 2
pcplod Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 The curious thing you could reflect on is what you felt about him before you discovered more about his background? Now you feel alienated but was there any hint of any alienation between you before this? Do you, on reflection feel that he was acting falsely in some way or was/is he genuine? As things presently stand you and him as a thing are barely out of the starting block. There are plenty of miles to be travelled yet in order to ascertain whether you are truly compatible, irrespective of his background. And old money doesn't necessarily 'rich'. Appearances can be deceptive. In this country the autocracy can be pretty broke. All they have is their titles and maybe their graces. And owe the Inland Revenue bucket-loads.
kassy Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I'm from a wealthy family and have done well myself. I NEVER have guys to my house until we have been dating a while. I don't take them to the club and I don't tell them about our properties around the world or our staff. It's not that I want to have a double life. But I am just a normal person and if I am dating someone it is because I like them. If we go well then these things get me tioned when i feel like they know me well enough not to make assumptions on who i am because of them. I also don't want to be judged or have them like me for the wrong reasons. Don't ask him if there is anything else you should know. As the relationship grows he will tell you as he feels comfortable with you. Also don't assume he has any money, and definitely don't assume that of you marry him you will have access to it. It'll all be tried up in trusts and things. Just be yourself, that's who he chose to date. If you are unsure what to wear just ask him. And just have fun. Also don't assume he won't want to eat at cheap fun places or do things that you grew up doing, he sounds pretty normal so just be you and enjoy yourself.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a month. He lives about an hour away. He has always made the drive to see me several times a week. I started to wonder why he never invited me down to his place. I knew that he lived on a property in horse country in Virginia that he manages for his family, but he never said too much about it specifically. I just figured it was an old house on some land that he lived on. He doesn't drive a fancy car and he's never once acted snooty or entitled. Just a down to earth dude who loves football and his dogs. Last night I finally made the trek down there and let's just say it was NOTHING like I expected. This is an old colonial home on 11 acres on rolling hills with beautifully landscaped grounds. There is a gate house, two cottages, a studio apartment and a beautiful old barn that's been turned into an additional apartment. One of the tenants keeps a horse, too. I don't really know what to make of this. On the one hand I love that he doesn't flaunt his family's wealth but on the other I just feel a little weird about it all. I don't really know how to explain this. Everything has been going really well between us, but it's almost kind of like - who are you? My family is by no means well off and I'm a self made woman. I just think my god we come from two different worlds. He is a prep school kid and I rocked public all my life. I'm not entirely sure what the point of this thread is. Just feeling pretty weird about this whole thing. Although there is perhaps some substance lacking from this post, I feel like I get it somehow. But I think that the things you report, and your uneasiness over this, go hand-in-hand with why the guy doesn't play those cards first. I see nothing horrible in his (having let time pass, long enough to gain a sense of you as an individual) before likely (affecting you - perhaps considerably - with the impact of your gaining the new awareness about his life and background). This is in no way like, say, the partner who enters a relationship, and shares a dozen sexual encounters with somebody, and only then admits to having herpes, or the like. However, you are allowed to be a tad startled at the new understanding... just... having to wonder how you will fit-in to his world. (That concern is mainly for your never having ever known cause to give much thought to how you'd fit into such surrounds) Most every relationship brings together two people who are not exactly the same in terms of personal net worth, and in all such cases they reach a point where each just allows themselves to feel/become/be equals within the bounds of the relationship. Seems you have a pretty good prospect if he's the sort who doesn't need to live each day to the fullest extent the family's money will allow. Just take a bit of time to adjust your thoughts, and then allow yourself to progress forward as you would with any other guy.
HokeyReligions Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 You're in for some fun. I used to love polo. What to wear depends on the game. Dressier if its a charity event. Never spike heels. Flat or square heels - you'll be walking on grass. If its not an official competition and just a reguler game (not between rivals or for a championship) be comfy. A lot of families take their kids and you'll see people from jeans and flip flops to women in afternoon "tea time" attire and men in sport coats. If you will have drinks in the VIP room (I've never been to a country club - polo club without one) a dress and simple accessories is very appropriate. I've done the divet stomp a hundred times. Usually before that happens the grooms will go out on the field to clean any oopsies from the horses. Tip - if the club offer a distraction (an announcement or something to draw the attention away from the playing field) you can bet they are cleaning up something:o! Have fun and be yourself. Oh and yes it does smell at times especially if invited "behind the scenes" to meet the players and their horses. If you want to pet or touch a horse always ask the rider first if its ok. Horses can be temperamental and its polite. Also don't wear a lot of perfume (or any) because it can become cloying when competing with the scents of nature! Oh I miss polo! I need to find a club again. 1
FitChick Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I just got off the phone with him and he assured me that it's much more casual than I'm expecting. So I just pulled out my favorite Ann Taylor dress and a string of pearls. No hat You will be overdressed unless this is a shirt dress or summery casual dress. If you must wear heels bring summer sandal type heels and ditch the pearls.
Treasa Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I don't think you should worry about it. It's only been a month. Just enjoy the relationship as it progresses. 1
StanMusial Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Oh no, I found out my gf is a super-model on the side. Oh woe is me, what ever will I do. Oh the humanity!
Author Drseussgrrl Posted August 5, 2013 Author Posted August 5, 2013 So polo was very fun. I wore a summery dress but didn't have to - it was very casual. We packed a picnic basket with wine and cheese. Last night I told him I loved him and he reciprocated the sentiment. I'm in love with this gentleman. Rich or poor, he is the man in my life and I'm nuts about him. 4
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