A prisoner of my own mind

[Knoxpwns]

2 weeks have passed and not a second goes by I don't think about it.

 

My girlfriend of 6 years (we lived together for 5 of them) dumped me in late July. we met when we were 18. The short and sweet of the story is that she stopped loving me at some point along the way, and kept faking it for whatever reason. She established feelings for a guy online (a friend of mine I knew longer than her). She was actually telling people she was "dating" him before she had even broken up with me.

She was a compulsive liar (I didn't fully accept this until after our split) manipulative, but I thought all the way she really did love me and cared about me. I suppose I was wrong, which hurts a lot. After everything is said and done, it shows how little she cares about me.

 

The guy is going to visit her in 3 weeks to f**k her IRL, but strangely it doesn't bother me a whole lot. I know I am better without her, I have some great things coming my way (6 figure job by the time I'm 25) but no moment passes that I don't think about her, good or bad.

 

 

The part I hate most about myself is that I invest myself entirely into a relationship. Relationships are not a joke or a game to me, and as I am relatively untrusting of people in general, when I do trust someone, my loyalty is unconditional. She took advantage of that. My loyalty to those I love and trust was used as a weapon against me by someone I loved more than anything in my life. How the hell do I combat that without becoming some emotionless, unlovable recluse?

 

I hurt, but I feel I am ready to move on. I just want to forget and move on with my life, but I am a prisoner of my own mind. I think about her all day, regardless of my activity. Nothing can distract me from it. the only time I have away from my thoughts is when I sleep, so she infects my dreams. Mornings are absolutely horrible, because I wake up and instantly am hit by a wave of reality and sadness. I have no moments to myself. She is gone, in a relationship with another guy, and I am trapped in my own head with the husk of my former girlfriend. Someone who at one point brought me pure happiness and bliss, the girl I knew in my heart I would spend the rest of my life with, now tortures me relentlessly in my mind.

 

I want to move on, but I don't know how much more of this daily hell I can really handle.

[supaflyz]

I know what you mean. Six years is a very long time. Sometime we try to tell our brain to quit, but that is what makes us unique my friend. You see them movies where the person lose their mind and kill everyone. Then they get to the part where they are about to kill their love ones. The other person would tell them something hoping they would remember and knock some sense back into them. Well that is how our brain works. We don't have a switch to turn off our emotions. Memories linger for a long time. We may no longer have feelings for them, but the memories persist.

[Kirkland13]

2 weeks have passed and not a second goes by I don't think about it.

 

My girlfriend of 6 years (we lived together for 5 of them) dumped me in late July. we met when we were 18. The short and sweet of the story is that she stopped loving me at some point along the way, and kept faking it for whatever reason. She established feelings for a guy online (a friend of mine I knew longer than her). She was actually telling people she was "dating" him before she had even broken up with me.

She was a compulsive liar (I didn't fully accept this until after our split) manipulative, but I thought all the way she really did love me and cared about me. I suppose I was wrong, which hurts a lot. After everything is said and done, it shows how little she cares about me.

 

The guy is going to visit her in 3 weeks to f**k her IRL, but strangely it doesn't bother me a whole lot. I know I am better without her, I have some great things coming my way (6 figure job by the time I'm 25) but no moment passes that I don't think about her, good or bad.

 

 

The part I hate most about myself is that I invest myself entirely into a relationship. Relationships are not a joke or a game to me, and as I am relatively untrusting of people in general, when I do trust someone, my loyalty is unconditional. She took advantage of that. My loyalty to those I love and trust was used as a weapon against me by someone I loved more than anything in my life. How the hell do I combat that without becoming some emotionless, unlovable recluse?

 

I hurt, but I feel I am ready to move on. I just want to forget and move on with my life, but I am a prisoner of my own mind. I think about her all day, regardless of my activity. Nothing can distract me from it. the only time I have away from my thoughts is when I sleep, so she infects my dreams. Mornings are absolutely horrible, because I wake up and instantly am hit by a wave of reality and sadness. I have no moments to myself. She is gone, in a relationship with another guy, and I am trapped in my own head with the husk of my former girlfriend. Someone who at one point brought me pure happiness and bliss, the girl I knew in my heart I would spend the rest of my life with, now tortures me relentlessly in my mind.

 

I want to move on, but I don't know how much more of this daily hell I can really handle.

 

My friend, it even happens later in life too. I'm in my 60's and gave it my all thinking all is different at this age, but no, it isn't to different. Our stories are very similar and that's why I'm writing. Its been two months for me and it was six years for us. So first, take the opportunity and write down how you have been hurt and what exactly you feel that you've lost. Like the pleasure of loving and being loved. Like the talking you did about your days, and the planning you did together for weekend getaways or vacations. And you have been wounded, so grieve the loss for awhile. The feelings are real. Write them out some more, like you did here. I joined because of you. I'm just now reading about forgiveness, and I like this one. Forgiveness does not mean condoning or justifying any misdeeds. It's not rejoining with the offender. It simply means giving up your desire for revenge and letting go of the expectation that she'll make amends. so write out what you've lost. allow yourself to hurt for awhile. it's like a deep gash anywhere on you body. it'll take some time to heal. now ask, what steps can i do start renewing your emotional health, becoming the guy you want to be. Take care!!!

[JustAReformedGirl]

My heart goes out to you. You're not out of the woods yet, as they say.

 

Whoever "they" are.

 

Anyway, the fact that you are ready to take the reins and move on, is a good sign. It's difficult to follow through with, however.

 

You need time to grieve the loss, so be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to think about her and the relationship for a certain amount of time, each day. Divide it up into a couple of different times a day. Don't try to force yourself not to think or feel anything on the matter; it will backfire, and hit you ten times worse.

 

Let yourself experience the emotions, and mull things over. Don't be ashamed of what you're thinking or feeling.

 

If you have any memorabilia from your relationship with her, now is the time to either get rid of it-or if you're not ready to do that, put it away in a box somewhere where you are less likely to look at it.

 

Are there people in your life that are supportive, that can help you through this process? Any friends or family who can offer support, along with some of their own experiences that may be similar to yours? If so, seek them out.

 

Also, try to keep yourself busy. I know you said nothing distracts you from your thoughts, but it doesn't hurt to try, in those moments that aren't set aside for allowing yourself time to think about her.

 

I am so sorry that you are going through this; I know what it's like, to be plagued by thoughts of someone, night and day, and how much worse it is when they cut the cord, but you're heart still beats for them.

 

Hang in there, okay? It's going to hurt for awhile, I won't lie...but you will survive this.

[unexpectedlyhere]

I think we may have been dumped on the same day! Plus, also a 6 yr relationship with 5 cohabiting, and we're only a year or two older than you guys. So far so identical! But I must say my boyfriend was less of a horrible person (even though his reasons were similar, falling out of love, there was no third person).

 

I don't know how to get rid of the constant thoughts, it's something I'm struggling with myself. But I know something: YOU WILL. I can tell by how you write.

 

You've done the big step: realising she was bad news. Keep repeating yourself that. Keep busy, keep focused on the good things, and in the morning when it all feels like **** tell yourself: I deserve a good day. I'm going to have a good day. It's happy-clappy and it doesn't work on the worst morning but it is, actually, the truth: you deserve a good day without her.

[onearthur]

Hey Knoxpwns,

 

The hard part is done, you are not together now you need to let the reality sink in.

 

I went through hell when I broke up with my ex (she cheated on me the year we were due to get married, we had been together for 7 years), but time helped me to realise that I was lucky and had dodged a bullet!

 

Keep busy and keep us posted!!!

 

(man hugs)

 

2 weeks have passed and not a second goes by I don't think about it.

 

My girlfriend of 6 years (we lived together for 5 of them) dumped me in late July. we met when we were 18. The short and sweet of the story is that she stopped loving me at some point along the way, and kept faking it for whatever reason. She established feelings for a guy online (a friend of mine I knew longer than her). She was actually telling people she was "dating" him before she had even broken up with me.

She was a compulsive liar (I didn't fully accept this until after our split) manipulative, but I thought all the way she really did love me and cared about me. I suppose I was wrong, which hurts a lot. After everything is said and done, it shows how little she cares about me.

 

The guy is going to visit her in 3 weeks to f**k her IRL, but strangely it doesn't bother me a whole lot. I know I am better without her, I have some great things coming my way (6 figure job by the time I'm 25) but no moment passes that I don't think about her, good or bad.

 

 

The part I hate most about myself is that I invest myself entirely into a relationship. Relationships are not a joke or a game to me, and as I am relatively untrusting of people in general, when I do trust someone, my loyalty is unconditional. She took advantage of that. My loyalty to those I love and trust was used as a weapon against me by someone I loved more than anything in my life. How the hell do I combat that without becoming some emotionless, unlovable recluse?

 

I hurt, but I feel I am ready to move on. I just want to forget and move on with my life, but I am a prisoner of my own mind. I think about her all day, regardless of my activity. Nothing can distract me from it. the only time I have away from my thoughts is when I sleep, so she infects my dreams. Mornings are absolutely horrible, because I wake up and instantly am hit by a wave of reality and sadness. I have no moments to myself. She is gone, in a relationship with another guy, and I am trapped in my own head with the husk of my former girlfriend. Someone who at one point brought me pure happiness and bliss, the girl I knew in my heart I would spend the rest of my life with, now tortures me relentlessly in my mind.

 

I want to move on, but I don't know how much more of this daily hell I can really handle.

[Dolphono]

Just keep dwelling on her until you become an "emotionless, unlovable recluse".

Once you become that new "emotionless, unlovable recluse" person, she may even try to return to you. I love to dwell on my painful emotional issues until IT becomes a non-issue. That my friend, takes time and stillness.

[JustAReformedGirl]

Just keep dwelling on her until you become an "emotionless, unlovable recluse".

Once you become that new "emotionless, unlovable recluse" person, she may even try to return to you. I love to dwell on my painful emotional issues until IT becomes a non-issue. That my friend, takes time and stillness.

 

I'm a tad wary of this. Yes, the more you think about something, the less painful it will feel, after awhile. But if you make yourself cold and distant, how do you open up again, when the time is right, for the right person?

 

Not judging, but I'm genuinely curious. You've done this yourself; did you ever leave that cold state? If so, what steps did you take?

 

That will go a long way toward helping the OP with his situation.

[unexpectedlyhere]

I'm a tad wary of this. Yes, the more you think about something, the less painful it will feel, after awhile. But if you make yourself cold and distant, how do you open up again, when the time is right, for the right person?

 

Not judging, but I'm genuinely curious. You've done this yourself; did you ever leave that cold state? If so, what steps did you take?

 

That will go a long way toward helping the OP with his situation.

 

That's hilarious, I thought that post was sarcastic! Kind of like "Dwell on her until you're kind of incapable of living. There's really no chance she'll get back with you then. I try not to roll in my own pain if I can avoid it".

 

BUT I can see now how actually it may have been really serious and meant "Concentrate on your pain intensely until you overcome it".

 

I'm curious as to which one it is now!

[JustAReformedGirl]

That's hilarious, I thought that post was sarcastic! Kind of like "Dwell on her until you're kind of incapable of living. There's really no chance she'll get back with you then. I try not to roll in my own pain if I can avoid it".

 

BUT I can see now how actually it may have been really serious and meant "Concentrate on your pain intensely until you overcome it".

 

I'm curious as to which one it is now!

 

I wasn't sure whether it was sarcastic, or not. I think I read it five times, before deciding to respond.

 

I'm thinking it may have been genuine, "tough love" sort of advice.

 

I could be wrong...

[Knoxpwns]

I think we may have been dumped on the same day!

 

July 20? xD

[unexpectedlyhere]

July 20? xD

 

Indeed. What pleasures hey?

[Knoxpwns]

Indeed. What pleasures hey?

 

dang! It's crazy thinking something so similar happened to 2 different people on the same day

[unexpectedlyhere]

I now wonder whether we also got together on the same day?

 

Luckily I can be sure you're not my ex as there's no way that packing up your life and leaving home after telling me you're no longer attracted to me counts as being dumped

[TaraMaiden]

I hurt, but I feel I am ready to move on. I just want to forget and move on with my life, but I am a prisoner of my own mind. I

 

I want to move on, but I don't know how much more of this daily hell I can really handle.

 

You need to investigate meditation and self-Hypnosis.

[Knoxpwns]

Luckily I can be sure you're not my ex as there's no way that packing up your life and leaving home after telling me you're no longer attracted to me counts as being dumped

 

Well hey, that's another mystery solved

We are making progress all over the place

[Dolphono]

I'm a tad wary of this. Yes, the more you think about something, the less painful it will feel, after awhile. But if you make yourself cold and distant, how do you open up again, when the time is right, for the right person?

 

Not judging, but I'm genuinely curious. You've done this yourself; did you ever leave that cold state? If so, what steps did you take?

 

That will go a long way toward helping the OP with his situation.

 

When you are done with the pain and are, whole again. Opening one self up again is easy. When you're ready. You are ready. The only step I took was the allowance of the passage of time. I sat with myself until the mud of my emotions settle to the bottom of my being. Once my emotional water became clear, I flowed forward with the flow of life. Becoming cold is for individuals who die inside with every painful lost in life. This coldness bring forth protection from a cold cruel world for said individuals. I'm a carefree type person, I just go with the flow and enjoy the ride. "IT IS! WHAT IT IS!".

[Kirkland13]

Rebel and group, came back for a visit. I'm still missing......missing what?? The non-forgiving person, the ex? I was in Iraq. After coming home and getting on a family phone plan with the ex as the administrator she looked at who I'd been calling, so I wasn't trying to hide anything. An ex co-worker, married w/kids who's husband had served. In another part of the state, so just phone calls. She got MAD so I stopped the calls, but for three years I kept hearing "so, did you talk with her today" about once a week. But she could have guy friends come over to do repairs while I was at work. She's say they were only friends and nothing happened. I was in love. Bought computers, a refrigerator, couch n chair, went to Mexico n Hawaii on my dime and then she accuses me of being unfaithful. Twice. I walk through the door all dirty from work and get hit with unfounded charges. After the second time I left. Two weeks later returned for my stuff. Seven weeks later I plugged in the computer that was her's to see that two years ago she was yucking it up online on the computer the i bought while I'm asleep in the bed. Two weeks after I had bought her a motorcycle and one month before I took her and her two children to cabo. I was so used. For me, there's many hard parts still. I was trying to make it work. I was blinded by love. I've written her that there was no way we could ever had a close, functional relationship while she was going to someone else. She was the one playing on the side and still kept me around for over two years, grrr. I guess it was because of my monetary contributions to the household and the pretty cool vacations. I do want to live without the anger and bitterness and am working hard at it. Everyone tells me it will get better over time and with the work I'm doing, counseling, writing about it, books, sharing. It's like I want her to hurt just as bad for at least one day and to apologize. Right now, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and kind of feel a breakthrough into feeling good again isn't to far away. Cheers to you all! 62, and in relationship recovery.