mugirl213 Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 I'm at a loss and feeling very upset today. My boyfriend encourages open and honest communication in our relationship and last night I went to him openly and honestly and attempted to talk about a problem. The fact that it's been two weeks since we've last had sex, and usually there is a span of at least a week between the times we have sex. It's as if he has no interest whatsoever in touching me. He'll give a playful touch here or there, a kiss here or there, but that's it. So to me, that says problem. Well I asked him what was up...he got upset and took it as an insult. He's gained weight since we've met...nothing major, just about 10lbs. and he feels fat, he feels unattractive, etc. and he feels that this is the crux of his issues with sex. So he was all distant with me last night, and didn't come to bed for a while. When I went to find him and ask why he wasn't in bed, he said he wasn't tired yet, fine. So when he came to bed, I hugged him, kissed him, said goodnight, etc. and no response. Then this morning he didn't say anything to me, so I went to his room and asked if things were ok and he tells me that he's decided to "dig deeper" because he sees that this issue is really important to me. So now I"m afraid it's because he's unattracted to me, and he thinks of me only as a friend. Which I asked him about last night and he says that's not the case...so now I"m fearing that this is the case...he doesn't know when he's going to have an answer for me...and it's just upsetting. I don't know what to do. He complains about having no motivation and lack of exercise but refuses to get motivated. I love him and I'm happy with everything, but he makes me feel like it's a crime to want to be intimate with him. I'm not asking for every day...but 1-2 times a week isn't that much...is it?!?!?
whichwayisup Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 Which I asked him about last night and he says that's not the case...so now I"m fearing that this is the case...he doesn't know when he's going to have an answer for me...and it's just upsetting. I don't know what to do. He complains about having no motivation and lack of exercise but refuses to get motivated. Sounds like he has some self esteem problems and is going through something that he has no control over. Depression more than likely. You say you asked him if he wasn't attracted to you anymore, and he said no that wasn't the case. BUT even though he JUST told you that isn't the case, you are convincing yourself it is. IT is not about you right now, it's about him and what he is going through! Just forget about sex for a while. Cuddle and kiss and let him know how much you love and need him in your life. If he is feeling low and insecure about his weight, the fact that he is little interest in much these days shows you that he is unhappy and it is something he is going to go through with our without you. You have no control over it so just let it play out. He is not going to leave you, he just isn't himself right now so try and not take it personally. I know that is a hard thing to try and do but trust me on this one Patty...The more you just show him emotionally and do things for him, flowers, love notes etc... Will make him feel good about himself. When he is ready he will talk to you. Just don't push too hard. Men are like that and just need time and space to figure it out on their own! I am slowly learning this as well so I know what you are going through my dear!! Take it easy and keep on posting. I hope this helps abit. WWIU
Recommended Posts