throughthetrees Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Hey guys, So I've been with my new boyfriend for a couple months. At first I was really into him and thought he's the best person I've ever been with. Lately I've been having doubts that my feelings for him aren't as strong as they should be. We get along very well- we have good conversations and he makes me laugh. He treats me well. But I don't have this deep passion/obsession for him that I've had in other relationships when I was younger. I can't tell if this is me growing older (I'm 26) and also being incredibly busy, or whether this is something to do with us as a couple. I'm searching for someone to settle down with and I don't feel like I have a lot of time to waste if a person isn't right. Thoughts?
MrTurk Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 You are correct....usually when people are younger, they blindly have intense passion for another person. You may just be maturing...and what used to attract you deeply, is not all that inviting anymore. How old is your man?
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 A lot of internal passions/obsessions come from within yourself than what you actually share with another person, the deeper rooted emotions and the real relationship really starts after the emotional kick-off of the honeymoon phase. At that point you realize there's a whole other aspect and dynamic with the person you may not have recognized or even see before that, and some of that is very regular indeed. But this is either a rough transition because of the reality setting in or a smooth one if there is true compatibility and emotions/intensity is still maintained, however I feel people jump the gun in that respect as well, insisting they've developed a substantial and true relationship beyond that phase while ignoring a larger part of the actions or feelings their partner may have, overlooking key relationship issues for the sake of materializing this "perfect union" in their minds, only accepting faults because it would be ridiculous and unreasonable not to...to prove they're less crazy or full of it. In your case there's usually an outside influence that sparks these "feelings of doubt" unfortunately that's where a lot of anxiety and fear comes from, thinking you could have something better with someone else...so If a guy or an ex came back into the picture, it would make sense why you are suddenly feeling this way. Otherwise it is likely you were more infatuated in part because of youth and fantasy, attracted to unavailable men...it depends what personal issues you have and deal with that may play a part in the loss of attraction or desire to be with your partner and you've simply realized that now things are very normal and established, it's no longer exciting and intensive enough for you...no more chase, which is boring. You're also growing up and developing more criteria, becoming more complex in what you want and need in a partner, which is also normal. You may not be so easily blinded or attached just because you can have a close relationship with a man and be accepted.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 You will get yourself into an unhealthy zone if, at age 26, you motivate significant romantic choices based on "not having a lot of time to waste". Slow your roll... and spend your time doing better at getting to know yourself so that you will be far better equipped in the future to make those lifetime relationship decisions in a few years when the time is right.
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