Tinysteps Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Now, I guess for most dumpees, cutting the ex off means not contacting them and not checking / blocking social media. I have certainly done my share of all the usual mistakes during these last 2-3 months, but my main problem is that my ex is prominently featured on the internet through work, in videos, twitter, writings, etc. We had a 2 year long LDR. I find the temptation to watch very hard to overcome. Even though it creates a lingering sadness, it's also comforting in a weird way. Facebook is not bothering me since the updates are few. Anyone have any tips for managing to convince myself not too look? Some psychological trick? Blocking URLs etc wont work in this instance. I'm usually a strong person with a good amount of willpower, but this has just left me powerless.
iouaname Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 I had the same problem, but eventually I just stopped wanting to see. There really aren't any tricks, though. You have to want to stop doing it, or else you just will. Eventually, the need to look will fade and you'll realize that you either don't care anymore or are better off not knowing. 2
Author Tinysteps Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 I agree - the key here is that you need to WANT to stop doing it. Out of curiosity, how long was "eventually" in your case?
OverThinker72 Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I looked once after the break up and never again. The urge is still there but then I remember the pain of looking, not actually feel it, but recall how it made me feel and do not want to experience that pain again. But like other members have said you have to WANT to stop looking. It's all down to you. I have made sure our paths never cross again 1
jesse93 Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 i havent looked once since the break up 2 weeks ago, i do have the urge all the time but if you do something to distract yourself then the urge kind of goes away.
iouaname Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I agree - the key here is that you need to WANT to stop doing it. Out of curiosity, how long was "eventually" in your case? Once I accepted that he and I were not going to be getting back together, I stopped wanting to know what was going on in his life. I didn't want to see pictures of him with his family that I was, at one time, a part of. I didn't want to see pictures of him with all of his new friends, having a grand time without me. And worst of all, I know that the day will come when he will meet someone and I definitely do not want to run across those photos any time soon. So, I just have no incentive to look. I simply realized that I have nothing to gain from it and a lot to lose. 1
keepontruckin Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 OP, in time you will realize that eventually it's best if you just completely clean house, and no contact in any way, shape or form. I even went so far as to burn our wedding pictures that she left behind after she left. Her phone number and email addresses are removed from my devices. The only connection I still have is my wedding ring, and I am contemplating selling it, since gold is at an all time high right now:laugh: 1
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 OP, in time you will realize that eventually it's best if you just completely clean house, and no contact in any way, shape or form. I even went so far as to burn our wedding pictures that she left behind after she left. Her phone number and email addresses are removed from my devices. The only connection I still have is my wedding ring, and I am contemplating selling it, since gold is at an all time high right now:laugh: WOW now does THAT ever ring a bell!! After my divorce I stupidly wore/carried my wedding ring for a long time (married 1994) One of the stations I work at has one of those "WE BUY GOLD" places nearby, so I decided to cash in on my "BATTERED TROPHY" Walked out of the place with barely enough for lunch and some treats for my then- toddlers on the way home! (mind you, that was a while ago) SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL! lol. Don't hang onto that "BATTERED TROPHY!!!!". Get rid of it! "BATTERED TROPHY!" GET RID OF IT ASAP!!!
Allora Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Heyy. I agree with previous posters that you have to WANT to stop. I checked several times after the breakup which was a month ago; each time I got hurt by the things he posted and swore that I wouldn't check again. I got upset even when he doesn't post anything because then I'd assume things like "oh he must be with someone new that's why he doesn't have time for FB/twitter". It was really hard for me at first to resist the temptation to look but now I rarely think about looking even though I still think of him everyday. Anyway point is, I realized after awhile that looking only give me more pain, and never made me feel good, so I stopped. I feel like you have to be hurt enough by the things you see until you respect yourself enough to not put yourself in that situation anymore.
Author Tinysteps Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 Anyway point is, I realized after awhile that looking only give me more pain, and never made me feel good, so I stopped. I feel like you have to be hurt enough by the things you see until you respect yourself enough to not put yourself in that situation anymore. True indeed. Thing is, I'm not quite able to erase this person completely at this point (won't go into details, but it's an online thing) but I'm definitely removing all direct contact from now on, and no active checking social media. Limiting as much as poss. will still do good.
keepontruckin Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 WOW now does THAT ever ring a bell!! After my divorce I stupidly wore/carried my wedding ring for a long time (married 1994) "BATTERED TROPHY!" GET RID OF IT ASAP!!! After my wife split, I foolishly thought she'd wear her ring until divorce. She threw it away (probably sold it) the day she left... I will sell mine soon also...
Author Tinysteps Posted August 5, 2013 Author Posted August 5, 2013 I sent this really friendly mail a couple of days ago (yeah, dumb), congratulating her on something cool that happened to her, and telling her about a sudden good change in my life that I was happy and excited about. Nothing whatsoever about the past, etc. Just a friendly hand reached out, expecting at most a short cordial response. Not a word back. And seeing her in the online "community" we're both part of, in a group environment chatting away with the others (knowing I'm there and can join in, seeing me talk too etc). I just don't get the mindset. She's also been taking some slightly mean social media steps lately, unfollowing and unliking stuff (but keeping me on FB). The breakup wasn't bad, only drawn out (I had to drag it out of her more or less, both the "break" and the actual breakup) I'm aware that she might be seeing someone or falling in love with someone, and it doesn't bother me horribly. What bothers me most is the ice queen attitude, especially knowing that we still have contact indirectly through this community. Part of me thinks she's putting up a show, but I don't know. Any ideas?
Legatus Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 For the first few weeks I looked on purpose. Every time I saw new picture of her with her new bf and his son, my heart started racing, but then out of the blue I was calm - I remember "she's his problem now". after a month I stopped looking, didn't remove her but blocked the feeds of her and her sisters and don't even have an urge to see it anymore @Tinysteps you'll never be sure whether it's a show or not, unfortunately. It's not relevant anymore though. Don't look if you know it may upset you in any way. Only when you're absolutely and completely detached which can take a while...
keepontruckin Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Not a word back. Any ideas? I just mentioned something similar in another thread. Honestly, the only way to get my soon to be ex to contact me back, is to talk about divorce procedures. This is an example of what they are thinking about... They don't think about you anymore. They just think about themselves...
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