xanitus Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Day 6 of NC Back Story is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/411903-i-am-broken-so-emotional-no-contact Quick summary = im 25, shes 18. 2 year Long distance relationship. She slowly faded away. Met new group of friends. They became her life and she said she wanted no commitment anymore and she wanted to be free. Says her childhood was completely ruined by abuse and that she has a few younger years left to have as much fun as possible before she commits again. Says other guys have asked her out and shes declined for the same reason. Says she wants to be friends for now, and who knows in the future if im in her destiny we will get married. I decided I was too hurt by all of this, and deleted her off fb,twitter phone etc. She has texted me a couple times in the past 2 weeks "i miss you :(" and "hey how are you xan?" SOOOO she texts me this last night "You made me the happiest girl alive. I wish I was more deserving. You deserve the best of the best. Goodnight sweetie " What does this mean? Should I reply or not what shall I say?"
Sleepwalk Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 You just got the answer most of us wish to get from our exes.Seems like it,now it's your turn,if you want her back,or not.
Author xanitus Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 (edited) I don't think this is a message saying she wants reconciliation right? It says "you MADE me", "you deserve the best". So this is past tense/future tense. It's just talking about the past right and doesn't say she wants anything more now... i don't know tbh how to interpret it Edited August 3, 2013 by xanitus 2
Antares Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Don't respond to her. Keep going NC. I know it's hard, especially when you get messages from her like that, but it's only been 6 days of NC. As much as you're missing her, she's probably going thru withdrawals as well. She's experiencing sadness, fear, doubt, and probably relief. She's feeling a bit guilty for not being the best girl to deserve the love you gave her. That's it. She made her decision and, frankly, leaving your relationship up to chance and fate is pretty lame. (Essentially trying to keep you on the future hook as long as possible, just in case her decision turns out not to be so amazing) You would never do that with someone you love, you wouldn't risk it. I'm not saying in the future you might not reconnect, or she'll realize her mistake, but that's not going to happen after 6 days. If you respond now, you'll merely scratch the itch and she'll be gone again. Keep going NC. 2
Author xanitus Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 thanks Antares.. that's helpful. Tbh its day 15 NC.. when she texted me on monday to ask how i was i sent a polite reply "im fine". So i guess the NC starts again ? Then this is 6th day NC.
Chi townD Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Yep! She's finally realizing that you're not responding to anything she's throwing at you and she's waking up to the fact that you're moving on. That was her goodbye text. She's finally letting go! Good! Time to heal and move on.
Author xanitus Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 (edited) *UPDATE* So she texted me again and I couldn't help but reply. I know it was weak but we had a great r'ship and it only ended because she wanted to have some freedom while she was young (she never got with anyone else). I don't want her to completely lose interest so that there is no possible chance of reconciliation later on "Her :I got a job and it's really tiring but I enjoy it. Can we talk?" "Me: Hey thats good I'm going to sleep now" "Her : Oh ok. I know you hate me. It's fine, i deserve it. I shouldn't expect to find a friend or anything else in you anymore because I know im not deserving..." What to make of this latest text? I obviously don't hate her. She sent me these nice texts because she realizes how great I was. How do i respond? I'm hoping for a bit more than NC! Edited August 4, 2013 by xanitus
emisthename Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Bro, she used the word friend. Go NC you don't want to be friend zoned!!!!! 1
Antares Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 You haven't really been NC at all though. It hasn't been 15 days of NC, because you're in constant contact w her. You've made a baby step, a first step, basically a vacation from each other at this point. But continuing to text means you're not in NC. It's hard to see it, I know, but look at her words. First of all, she's guilt tripping you into responding. Amazing, huh? She dumps you, terminates your relationship AND your friendship, and then has the gall to blame you for hating her and for not responding to her childish attitude. Do you really want to be with someone that after 2 weeks post BU, she resorts to that. It's probably hard on her too, loosing her comforting BF and friend in the process. She's probably feeling lonely and whatnot...but that doesn't mean she wants to get back together. She wants the friend part back. That's it. Also, one last thing; I hate to bring up age as a factor, but in this case I think it is important...She's 18. You're 25, right? She's going to go through so many changes right now, and in the next few years. You said that she recently got all new friends and social circle - yup..that happens at that age. She needs to set out and discover the world and herself. She probably has no idea what she really wants right now. All she knows, is that a relationship with you stands in her way. Shortly after I finished up college, I had a bunch of friends who had all been in very long term relationships. Basically these guys had had the same GF since they were 17. Same girl all through half of high school and all of college. The summer after we all graduated, you know what happened? They all broke up. (Mostly initiated by the girl) It's just a magical age, where people realized that they need to grow and discover more about themselves. Same thing with your ex GF. So if you think she's changing a lot at 18, just wait until she hits 22. I think it's best, man, if you really go NC now. Don't say another word or text to her. It's hard, I know it's hard, but if you keep this up it's going to be so much more painful for you. 1
JDPT Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 (edited) I think you should post here prior to responding to her text messages. She is clearly trying to allure you into talking to her again. She left you once and clearly stated the reasons why. Hypothetically speaking if you take her back, are you ready for her to dump you again and go through the heartache, and essentially start from scratch? I think this is something you need to really analyze. You feel excited and wanted due to her messages, don't allow that excitement fool you into fantasying about what could be. She clearly does not know what she wants in life, one day she tells you she wants to be free and clear of any commitment but then goes back to telling you how much she misses you. Remain strong and in control, good luck. Edited August 4, 2013 by JDPT 1
Author xanitus Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 thanks antares. Alot of this makes sense. I guess I'm gonna fav this thread. Let me just correct, she dumped me yes but wanted to stay as friends and see what the future would bring. I was the one who eventually terminated the friendship. Deleted her everywhere etc. I guess what you're saying is not to take it personally. All 18 year olds are like this. I know the job I'm gonna do, she's probably unsure and she wants to be free from commitment. I guess I can understand that. Do these people ever change their mind later on?
Antares Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 (edited) No. She terminated the friendship. Your relationship was ended by her. That relationship consisted of a romantic love friendship. When she ended the romantic part, the friend part went with it. She doesn't get to pick and choose which parts she gets. You're a whole person, not to be subdivided into pieces at her liking. If she now wants a friendship, then essentially a new contract/agreement has to be made by both parties. That all sounds super dumb and legal, but it's essentially the bare bones truth. Its like...say you got fired from your job. But your boss said, but you can still come in on the weekends and work for free and whenever we're running behind we're give you a call. And then when we find your replacement, we'll tell you alllll about him/her and how much better our office is because of it. But don't call us. What would you do? You'd tell him shove it. You'd look for a new job, where you're appreciated. You gave her your friendship once, and look what she did with it. I don't know about you, but my friends have never told me "gee, Antares, I need to go discover myself and the world, but you're not invited" If she honestly wants to be friends at some point she'll allow you the time and space to heal. And that might happen, but it'll happen when both you and her are healed and the emotions from this relationship have settled. Edited August 4, 2013 by Antares 1
SantistaUSA Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Sorry you are going through that man, she is really young and I think you need to let her go. When she says she doesn't deserve you and that you treated really well, I think she is trying to say that she hooked up with other guys and somewhat feels bad about it. I might be wrong on that, but she says she wanted to be free and with no commitment, that just indicates to me she wanted to check other guys/girls out. Ask yourself, if you wanted to try again with her and then finds out that she slept with one or more guys during the time you guys were broken up, would you be ok with that?
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