How far would you go for love?

[zephyrus]

Hi there I am new here and excuse me for my English because I am not native:laugh:

 

So I just started a relationship with a guy who lives 8000+ thousand miles away from me, we were friends for years. So I flew there to meet him a month ago and things were getting very well. Right now he is studying (he is 32) and will be graduated in Oct and we agreed to make plans after he graduated.

 

However things changed after only a month I came back :

1) He is talking to me less and less because he told me he is suffocated by school work (which I understand)

2) His grandpa just passed away (who was like a father to him)

3) He has no money and no job lined up after graduating (he lives in a small town and no one is really hiring)

 

He told me he's overloaded by those things and I am always there to support him, even though we hardly talk now. He once told me that he is afraid he can't make me happy because of his situation and he needs to focus on himself right now, and also told me he will understand if i want to quit.

 

I just feel bad that I can't help him with anything, and I'm also worried that how long it's going to be and whether we have a future or not (his situation and the distance)..maybe I sound selfish but I am really lost right now and need some advice for that. Thanks for reading!

[justwhoiam]

What did he do with his life up until the age of 32?

 

What could he professionally do after he graduates? Lawyer? Doctor? What?

 

Has he considered leaving his hometown? If no one is hiring there (but I am not sure what he's looking for exactly), there's no point in staying there to live a miserable life without a job. And anyway, what is it, a town in the desert?

 

By the way, did you check with his school (college/university) that they have a student named [name / last name] enrolled with them and soon to graduate? Please countercheck the information he gave you.

[Chris516]

Are you referring to something physical and/or, emotional?

[zephyrus]

Are you referring to something physical and/or, emotional?

 

Both I guess

[TaraMaiden]

What did he do with his life up until the age of 32?

 

What could he professionally do after he graduates? Lawyer? Doctor? What?

 

Has he considered leaving his hometown? If no one is hiring there (but I am not sure what he's looking for exactly), there's no point in staying there to live a miserable life without a job. And anyway, what is it, a town in the desert?

 

By the way, did you check with his school (college/university) that they have a student named [name / last name] enrolled with them and soon to graduate? Please countercheck the information he gave you.

^^this^^.

 

never take the word of someone 8000 miles away, at face value.

[zephyrus]

What did he do with his life up until the age of 32?

 

What could he professionally do after he graduates? Lawyer? Doctor? What?

 

Has he considered leaving his hometown? If no one is hiring there (but I am not sure what he's looking for exactly), there's no point in staying there to live a miserable life without a job. And anyway, what is it, a town in the desert?

 

By the way, did you check with his school (college/university) that they have a student named [name / last name] enrolled with them and soon to graduate? Please countercheck the information he gave you.

 

He is going to graduate in Oct so he can't move anywhere now. He used to have some freelance job but they are unstable. And he didn't lie about studying of course, like I said we were friends for years and this is the reason why he went back to his hometown 3 years ago, to finish his degree.

[Pyro]

Hi there I am new here and excuse me for my English because I am not native:laugh:

 

So I just started a relationship with a guy who lives 8000+ thousand miles away from me, we were friends for years. So I flew there to meet him a month ago and things were getting very well. Right now he is studying (he is 32) and will be graduated in Oct and we agreed to make plans after he graduated.

 

However things changed after only a month I came back :

1) He is talking to me less and less because he told me he is suffocated by school work (which I understand)

2) His grandpa just passed away (who was like a father to him)

3) He has no money and no job lined up after graduating (he lives in a small town and no one is really hiring)

 

He told me he's overloaded by those things and I am always there to support him, even though we hardly talk now. He once told me that he is afraid he can't make me happy because of his situation and he needs to focus on himself right now, and also told me he will understand if i want to quit.

 

I just feel bad that I can't help him with anything, and I'm also worried that how long it's going to be and whether we have a future or not (his situation and the distance)..maybe I sound selfish but I am really lost right now and need some advice for that. Thanks for reading!

 

The bold is a very strong indicator of what happened. I assume that when you visited him sex was involved? If so then he got what he wanted from you and now will slowly disassociate with you until you get the hint.

 

That is worse case scenario and for your sake I hope that I am incorrect.

[zephyrus]

The bold is a very strong indicator of what happened. I assume that when you visited him sex was involved? If so then he got what he wanted from you and now will slowly disassociate with you until you get the hint.

 

That is worse case scenario and for your sake I hope that I am incorrect.

 

Thanks for your comment but I don't think it's the case. Things were still great before his grandpa died and his last semester began (after I left). I should added that I cried and told him few times that I can't handle it anymore but he kept reassuring me he still love me, it's just his life is a mess right now. He still email every other day to check up on me and says he miss me. So do you think I am the one who pushing him away? :/

[LittleTiger]

Thanks for your comment but I don't think it's the case. Things were still great before his grandpa died and his last semester began (after I left). I should added that I cried and told him few times that I can't handle it anymore but he kept reassuring me he still love me, it's just his life is a mess right now. He still email every other day to check up on me and says he miss me. So do you think I am the one who pushing him away? :/

 

I think, if his life is a mess, he needs time to sort it out. Perhaps, if he loves you, he doesn't want to break things off but realises that he can't give you the attention you deserve.

 

Maybe you could ask him if he would be happier breaking things off. That way, he can get his life back in order. You can do your own thing and if/when he's ready, he can get in touch and see how the land lies.

 

Other than that, all you can do is support him and accept that he has other priorities at the moment.....could you live with that.....especially as you have no idea how long this phase will go on?

[zephyrus]

I think, if his life is a mess, he needs time to sort it out. Perhaps, if he loves you, he doesn't want to break things off but realises that he can't give you the attention you deserve.

 

Maybe you could ask him if he would be happier breaking things off. That way, he can get his life back in order. You can do your own thing and if/when he's ready, he can get in touch and see how the land lies.

 

Other than that, all you can do is support him and accept that he has other priorities at the moment.....could you live with that.....especially as you have no idea how long this phase will go on?

 

Thank you for the insight, I guess it's exactly what's going on right now. I did ask if he wanted me to leave him alone so he can sort things out, he said he still want to be with me but he thinks it's selfish for him to ask me to just stay and be patient, so he wants me to choose what's best for me. I do love him and hope things will get better but I really don't know what I should do now....

[LittleTiger]

Thank you for the insight, I guess it's exactly what's going on right now. I did ask if he wanted me to leave him alone so he can sort things out, he said he still want to be with me but he thinks it's selfish for him to ask me to just stay and be patient, so he wants me to choose what's best for me. I do love him and hope things will get better but I really don't know what I should do now....

 

So what do you think is best for you?

[zephyrus]

So what do you think is best for you?

 

I don't know honestly...that's why I am here. It's easy to just walk away and find someone new but it's a shame to give up on someone special just because they have no job...

[PCS991]

I don't know honestly...that's why I am here. It's easy to just walk away and find someone new but it's a shame to give up on someone special just because they have no job...

 

If you feel in your heart that he is the right person placing aside career concerns that will obviously and eventually change for the better don't throw him to the curb and start all over again. Who's to say the next guy won't have some sort of concerns that trouble you. Nobody is perfect.

[MrTurk]

How far would you go for love?

 

30 mins

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[LittleTiger]

I don't know honestly...that's why I am here. It's easy to just walk away and find someone new but it's a shame to give up on someone special just because they have no job...

 

My question was "what do you think is best for you?", not "what do you think you should do?" or "what do you want to do?"

 

You wouldn't be giving up on him because he has no job. You would be giving him the space to sort out his life......and allowing yourself the freedom to find someone who has the time and energy to give you the attention you deserve.

 

If you think it will be easy to just walk away, then now is the time to do it. The longer you wait the harder it will get and he doesn't seem to be making you any promises.

[justwhoiam]

You didn't answer any of the questions I asked... So the only thing I can say is: just wait and see. He doesn't seem very motivated, and when a guy is in love, he should be motivated and do whatever to make things happen. He's not seeing you in his life right now. He's ready to let you go. So no wonder he distanced himself from you.

[Younes]

I don't know honestly...that's why I am here. It's easy to just walk away and find someone new but it's a shame to give up on someone special just because they have no job...

 

hi all , i wanna tell to Zephyrus that if u love ( or like him a lot ) u must support him ,

[LittleTiger]

hi all , i wanna tell to Zephyrus that if u love ( or like him a lot ) u must support him ,

 

Why must she support a man who has both told her and shown her that he has no time for her?

[zephyrus]

Hey guys so here is some update...

 

I have been "backing off" from him in the past few days (wait for hours or a day to reply him, acting cold etc), he seems to sense that and is texting me more. The last time we talk he even said something like "I know it sucks now but I will graduate soon so we can talk more", "next time we meet I will....." (I didn't mention any problems). So is he just keeping me around or he really is busy?

[emi]

8000 miles wew. thats tought. where are u guys at?

and what the hell till 32 years old and no financially stable. and like i said, unstable in finance is the worst thing when its come to long distance relationship

 

you should take a break, for you to figure out what u want, and for him to sort his life out.

8000 miles is no joke.

better think carefully before commit to a bunch of problems lie ahead.

[Chel0805]

Hi there I am new here and excuse me for my English because I am not native:laugh:

 

So I just started a relationship with a guy who lives 8000+ thousand miles away from me, we were friends for years. So I flew there to meet him a month ago and things were getting very well. Right now he is studying (he is 32) and will be graduated in Oct and we agreed to make plans after he graduated.

 

However things changed after only a month I came back :

1) He is talking to me less and less because he told me he is suffocated by school work (which I understand)

2) His grandpa just passed away (who was like a father to him)

3) He has no money and no job lined up after graduating (he lives in a small town and no one is really hiring)

 

He told me he's overloaded by those things and I am always there to support him, even though we hardly talk now. He once told me that he is afraid he can't make me happy because of his situation and he needs to focus on himself right now, and also told me he will understand if i want to quit.

 

I just feel bad that I can't help him with anything, and I'm also worried that how long it's going to be and whether we have a future or not (his situation and the distance)..maybe I sound selfish but I am really lost right now and need some advice for that. Thanks for reading!

 

I think you two are on the right track since you are talking about the problems that are bothering you guys. He did the right thing being honest with you and told you how he truly felt. You should also tell him how you feel and see if you two can work things out together. A couple should be open to each other at all time, communicate, don't let the unsolved issues accumulate. Also in my opinion, a guy needs encouragement from his girl to feel he's in control when things get rough. Be there for him. Tell him that he is not alone in the relationship because it takes both of you to make it work.

 

But then again, I don't know a lot about your situation, or his. But judging by the info that you provided, he seems quite confused about his life at the moment. It's probably better that he first and foremost figures out the things that are stressing him. Just be supportive to him, and in my opinion his reaction to your support can also provide you with a lot of insight of his personalities/qualities, for instance if he is willing to strengthen up and pull things together. At the end of the day one's willingness to try his/her best to make things work will be very beneficial to the relationship in the long run. The best type of relationship to me is that you two make each other want to be a better person. The point is that you at least should try your very best despite the result.

 

As for how far I would go for love, I would go as far as the road takes me if he is the right person for me.

 

Good luck.

[hamadaa76]

hiiiii

well , he is going to finish his study soon , and get his degree

if he is busy with preparing for his exams now, both of you will have enough time to discuss the future of ur relation after his graduation

 

 

 

Hi there I am new here and excuse me for my English because I am not native:laugh:

 

So I just started a relationship with a guy who lives 8000+ thousand miles away from me, we were friends for years. So I flew there to meet him a month ago and things were getting very well. Right now he is studying (he is 32) and will be graduated in Oct and we agreed to make plans after he graduated.

 

However things changed after only a month I came back :

1) He is talking to me less and less because he told me he is suffocated by school work (which I understand)

2) His grandpa just passed away (who was like a father to him)

3) He has no money and no job lined up after graduating (he lives in a small town and no one is really hiring)

 

He told me he's overloaded by those things and I am always there to support him, even though we hardly talk now. He once told me that he is afraid he can't make me happy because of his situation and he needs to focus on himself right now, and also told me he will understand if i want to quit.

 

I just feel bad that I can't help him with anything, and I'm also worried that how long it's going to be and whether we have a future or not (his situation and the distance)..maybe I sound selfish but I am really lost right now and need some advice for that. Thanks for reading!

[zephyrus]

I think you two are on the right track since you are talking about the problems that are bothering you guys. He did the right thing being honest with you and told you how he truly felt. You should also tell him how you feel and see if you two can work things out together. A couple should be open to each other at all time, communicate, don't let the unsolved issues accumulate. Also in my opinion, a guy needs encouragement from his girl to feel he's in control when things get rough. Be there for him. Tell him that he is not alone in the relationship because it takes both of you to make it work.

 

But then again, I don't know a lot about your situation, or his. But judging by the info that you provided, he seems quite confused about his life at the moment. It's probably better that he first and foremost figures out the things that are stressing him. Just be supportive to him, and in my opinion his reaction to your support can also provide you with a lot of insight of his personalities/qualities, for instance if he is willing to strengthen up and pull things together. At the end of the day one's willingness to try his/her best to make things work will be very beneficial to the relationship in the long run. The best type of relationship to me is that you two make each other want to be a better person. The point is that you at least should try your very best despite the result.

 

As for how far I would go for love, I would go as far as the road takes me if he is the right person for me.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Hey thank you! You sound like a very nice girl I did give him a lot of support but yes he is very confused about his life right now so I better don't bother. We still email each other every day but most of them are just like "how are you" or "what's up", he did tell me to write more so even he's busy he can still catch up with me. Actually I want to write him an email about us and my feeling but I'm not sure if it's the right time :/

[zephyrus]

8000 miles wew. thats tought. where are u guys at?

and what the hell till 32 years old and no financially stable. and like i said, unstable in finance is the worst thing when its come to long distance relationship

 

you should take a break, for you to figure out what u want, and for him to sort his life out.

8000 miles is no joke.

better think carefully before commit to a bunch of problems lie ahead.

 

Yes I agree...I am in Asia and he is in the US by the way. The distance sucks but luckily we are both eager to move abroad, but it's just a dream without money..sad but true.