Rachel03 Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 (edited) Hello I'm sorry if there are any typing errors and if the title seemed confusing but if you were, then you are exactly in the same boat I am. Yes, the cliche my boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago and he seems perfectly fine and while I'm getting better, I still can't get him out of my head. Now don't get me wrong, I do NOT want him back. I trusted him and all he did was tell me that our entire relationship in essence was a lie. Great. Ok well I know that there are a hundred other stories out there but I've had this urge to just tell mine and hopefully seek some advice on what to do... I'm sorry if this turns out long but I've had some ranting to do and I'm tired of feeling bitter over what happened because I am not that type of person. I had just graduated high school and my boyfriend and I broke up 5 days after my graduation. He had asked me to our homecoming dance one Sunday after work. We were really good friends and I figured why not. I originally was under the impression that it was just as friends but it turned into something more and honestly I'm glad it did. I've never really had a true relationship before and even though in his mind it was already over before it started, gosh I don't know... We dated for 8 months and he was my first love. We never got past kissing because he was my first kiss as well and we took things really slow and we both seemed perfectly fine with it. We made time for each other because our schedules conflicted alot and no matter what, school always was the first priority for both of us and I was glad I found someone who was willing to not only stick through that, but also feel the same way. The story goes on, we fell in love and the day of my graduation ( he was a junior now a senior) was our 8 month anniversary and it was an incredible day. We had been separating and I could feel it but that just made me fight harder because I finally found someone who loved me and I was not going to let it go. Turns out he had cheated on me in March with.... Wait for it, a guy. He had feelings of being and liking guys prior to our relationship and it turns out I was his last hope so to speak and he still isn't sure of himself, but basically it made me feel and still does that I turned a guy gay. Perfect first love right? We had hung out once practically all day and it is just all one huge mess. I do not cuss and we had texted each other almost a month ago and it did not end well. At first, I wanted him back but how do you accept the fact that no matter how much you want the person back, based on his sexuality, he literally does not want you back and never wanted you. It hurts so bad and I just don't know what to do. Our ENTIRE relationship was a lie. The. Entire. Thing. But it wasn't for me so how in the heck am I supposed to feel? I never want to love again and trust any guy because how do you ever know if they are telling the truth? What he did and what he said everytime was a lie and it killed me. It hurt so bad and every now and then I get really upset. But he is fine. Literally he does not want me back, at all. And I'm tired of being mad and bitter at him but I don't know what to do. If anyone is out there and has any advice, please let me know. I don't regret sticking to my values, and never will, but gosh... Am I really that prude that the guy has to go gay on me? Gosh.... Edited August 4, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
unexpectedlyhere Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 I'm not sure what to say about the relationship as a whole but I felt like I should tell you that sexuality is not a fixed thing: it's not black and white and it can change with time. So unless he was very clear that actually he never fancied you, it's not true that your whole relationship was a lie. Especially at your young age, it can be confusing times for people and sometimes attraction gets confused or ambiguous but I feel the love he felt for you was real. Undoubtedly it's still horrible that it's over. :/ Try to concentrate on your upcoming new adventures and if school is a big focus for you, keep it that way! You'll go far anyway and one day this will be a distant memory. It may even seem funny in the future.
Recommended Posts