cloverh Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 There's a guy I've been on-off casually dating since June. It's been really complicated and when I brought up the issue of getting into a relationship, he doesn't seem into it. The reason he gave was that even though we click really well, the relationship doesn't seem 'constructive' enough. He was a bit sheepish in admitting that since we started seeing each other he's been getting lesser and lesser work done to the point where he feels rather demotivated about other things because he enjoys spending time with me too much. I just... I mean come on, what kind of reason is that? Yes, we have been spending waaaay too much time together, but isn't that normal for people in the honeymoon phase? He seems to think it's 'destructive' and because of that, we'll probably work better as close friends rather than a couple. I don't know, isn't that sort of dynamic something you can change? He idealized a good relationship as something that inspires both people and supports them to go out and do stuff. I guess I don't really know how to do that though. Any ideas? How can I be a more 'constructive' partner?
casecall Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 There's a guy I've been on-off casually dating since June. It's been really complicated and when I brought up the issue of getting into a relationship, he doesn't seem into it. The reason he gave was that even though we click really well, the relationship doesn't seem 'constructive' enough. He was a bit sheepish in admitting that since we started seeing each other he's been getting lesser and lesser work done to the point where he feels rather demotivated about other things because he enjoys spending time with me too much. I just... I mean come on, what kind of reason is that? Yes, we have been spending waaaay too much time together, but isn't that normal for people in the honeymoon phase? He seems to think it's 'destructive' and because of that, we'll probably work better as close friends rather than a couple. I don't know, isn't that sort of dynamic something you can change? He idealized a good relationship as something that inspires both people and supports them to go out and do stuff. I guess I don't really know how to do that though. Any ideas? How can I be a more 'constructive' partner? Some people are so upbeat with life they think everyone who isn't a comparison of their self is doing something wrong. Sounds to me that you need to give old Bubba sometime to get some thinking done. People like independence and confidence , nice to know you have your own life once in a while . Let's them know you don't need them I understand you want to spend that time with em, but being clingy is not attractive , might even think its annoying . Want to be helpful and inspiring to him ; show him you care about his goals and ambitions . Do little things for him , little things mean a lot.
MrCastle Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Seems like he just wants you as a friend with benefits and doesn't know how to tell you straight up. 2
hoping2heal Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Seems like he just wants you as a friend with benefits and doesn't know how to tell you straight up. Yep! Exactly..you're asking what kind of a reason is the one he gave because deep down you know it's a load of BS too. 1
MrCastle Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Yep! Exactly..you're asking what kind of a reason is the one he gave because deep down you know it's a load of BS too. The relationship would be too good and he wouldn't be able to get anything done. Spare me 2
soccerrprp Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 He idealized a good relationship as something that inspires both people and supports them to go out and do stuff. I guess I don't really know how to do that though. Any ideas? How can I be a more 'constructive' partner? HE may be full of crap and I tend to agree with others, but he does have a point. I am dating a woman who is a trained (certified) massage therapist, yoga instructor and into some astrology. I am (was) not into any of these things. But, she has been encouraging me and opening me up to them. Fabulous! Fun! She inspires and excites me in ways that most women I've dated simply do not. Most people, during the honeymoon phase, seem to think it's all about the butterflies, the time spent and physicality that is abundant during that time. But, for me, that is simply too typical and not enough to keep one's interest. If the honeymoon phase doesn't prove to be a time of growth, then can't imagine what the relationship beyond that will be like. So, share your passions, inspire your SO to do things outside of his box and be enthusiastic about it. And reasonably reciprocate. Sometimes it takes that simple enthusiasm to be contagious (and fun). I really appreciate my current gf for her enthusiasm and energy. She really seems to be proactive and committed to being a partner and that is awesome. Maybe that's what he's was alluding to, though it may have been a front for something else for him. 1
Recommended Posts